I'm very disappointed in myself and Apple Notes. I don't know if it was me, or the app that lost my note data somehow, but this is the second time it happened, and the worse loss, so I need to find another note taking solution.
The first time, I had been working in a note, and somehow I highlighted the entire thing, in a hurry, not paying attention, deleted it. Could not find a way to get it back. It wasn't a big problem, but scared me to find out there wasn't a way to get a backup version of the note. So, I reminded myself to be more careful.
Recently, I had been taking a note related to a real estate transaction, closing day I was in and out of the note all day. I granted my wife access because I wanted her to be able to access the information. I always make a habit of clicking the done button whenever I finish writing a note to save it, and then close the app, and I always click the button on side of phone so the screen is locked before I put it in my pocket just to make sure nothing is accidently done.
I opened my phone at dinner, and went to open the note, and it wasn't there! I quickly realized that at the top of the list was an empty "New Note" that was shared with my wife. I asked her about it, thinking maybe she deleted it somehow, she said she hadn't even opened it up as she did not know that I had shared it with her. I went to my iPad to see if I could capture it, I opened the note, and the data immediately disappeared when it automatically synced. I didn't even have time to take a screenshot. I could not find any way to find any versioning of previous notes so at least I could find stuff saved previously. Nothing. All gone. I was crushed.
So, now I'm on the hunt for a new Notes app. One that I can use across my windows PCs and Apple products that has the ability to backup previous versions. I will cruise this sub and see what people have previously suggested to try and catch up with what's being recommended.

. It was December , I had left my coaching classes ( JEE) , to study at home ( Im glad I did ). Little did I know I would have to leave behind the last bit of normal human interaction I had with my classmates. No one in particular was very close to me there but it was atleast basic interaction. The first month seemed normal , enjoyable even!
JEE SESSION 1 ENDS
PERCENTILE : 45.36%
STATUS : close to depression
I was being constantly taunted and scolded upon by my parents for leaving the coaching institute and not studying for the exam , for a few weeks i was convinced that I was the one who made the mistake.
Someone came into my life
I wont mention her name ( lets call her Vidhi ) , Vidhi was an old friend , too old for me to remember in fact , we used to sit together in 1st grade. From somewhere I got an Insta request , It was Vidhi. Like i always do I randomly started sharing her memes which i do to probably everyone and didn't think of it as much. I dont remember how but we started getting into conversation over those memes , both of us only vaguely remembered each other but there was a familiarity among us , as if we were family. We went onto talk and realize how similar as people we were. But there was a difference VIDHI was a person of sheer optimism and joy , I was a pessimist with nothin but depression.
Vidhi came into my life as an angel , we talked for hours sometimes , called each other , meet up once in a while for coffee. Nothing too special. Vidhi made me realize that I was living in my past , and ignoring my present. unconsciously she pulled me from being a pessimist to a optimist. Without a therapy session , or advices , her sheer brightness as a person filled me with life too!
We are close , We aren't dating , One day on call she mentioned how scared she is to be able to confess her feelings to anyone , being the copies of each other that we are I told her the same. We never really told each other that we like each other , maybe we don't , maybe she doesn't , maybe i don't either but i don't think I care , as long as we are alive I wish she remains close to me. Even if we separate down the line I would never forget her. I will always remember her as an angel on earth , for whom maybe i did nothing much , but for me she was everything I ever needed
also for the curious people , Yes i did recover from my trauma.
JEE MAINS SESSION 2 ( i.e approx 2 months after session one )
percentile : 94.67%ile
status : actually happy
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Thanks for reading.
-MIRAGE

Hello everyone, I am 28M and I recently graduated w my AA in BA and I start my junior year at a 4-year institution for a BS in Finance in the fall. So basically I picked a school in my home state but it is a non-target school and I am fully aware that the financial field relies heavy on your network and/or tech skills. I am worried that choosing to go to a non target school may be a disadvantage to me because I plan on going into IB or something similar. I have a 2.98 GPA and use VA education benefits so I’m not limited in my selection for a business school. I chose to stay in my home state because it’s Florida and I am bias although I do not care to move anywhere in the US (hesitant about California). I have been planning on transferring to University of Penn or another target school of the like for my senior and want to hear from the community if this will be a good move or if I’ll be okay staying in a non target university in Florida. I do not plan on pursuing an MBS or MS because I’d like to get back into to the workforce sooner than later. I have also started applying to internships at the top investment firms like black rock and vanguard. I’m seeking advice/mentorship from those who have personal experience in transferring from a non-target to a target school and if you’re a US VET using VA benefits please please take the time to tell me if it’s worth it. I do have a time constraint because I plan on signing a lease in the next couple of weeks and I do not want to sign a long lease if there is a strong possibility I can land in a target school. In advance, I’d like to thank anyone who takes their time to respond. Please help finance bros

Just wondering if any of you have started life over again after turning 40. I feel like my friends have all settled, promoted, own their own homes, have money saved up etc….but I’m the only one starting life over again after a divorce. I don’t own a home, have no savings and miss getting promoted at work despite my hard efforts. Maybe it’s all luck and timing but life has been so tough on me and I wonder when I’ll be able to get back up again after leaving a 10 year abusive marriage that completely ruined my finances. Now, I’m just running around like a crazy person trying to make ends meet while taking care of my kids. Just feel so defeated and hopeless. My ex is purposely behind in his child support payments. I can’t keep up with legal fees…can’t keep up with all the shit he gets away with every single time. What am I doing wrong?

I always feel as though I'm at fault for my siblings suffering. As my mum always said if she didn't have children she wouldn't be stuck with my narcissistic father. I always feel because of my birth that my mum was forced to stay in a relationship with my father to support & care for me. Then over time she couldn't leave resulting in them producing more children. I'm the eldest of 4, my father hates me and my brother (2nd born). Yet treats my younger siblings like royalty. My mums family rarely comes over to see us, I don't even remember what they look like anymore they hate dealing with my father and his attitude. My father's family doesnt see how he is towards us as he is the "kind father everyone wish they had". Yet at home he always puts us down, makes comments about our bodies, tells us to kill ourselves or to leave forever. He makes my youngest sister ( age 7 ) stay home from school everyday it's been about a month since she's been at school in a row. Shes very underdeveloped, I've been trying to homeschool her but my father says to her "don't feed into her rubbish". Today my ex boyfriend came over early in the morning (12am) so we could talk, he was very busy with school and sports so we couldn't talk at any other time. We patched a lot of things up (we did have sex) but because we are already very comfortable with each other and we don't hate one another, when he left around 7am I went to sleep. I woke up around 3pm and felt hungry, I made me 4 Nutella toasts and grabbed me a water. I left my toaster out (we usually store it away) but wiped my crumbs and put everything away all I had to do was put the toaster away. I come into my room and start watching "Never Have I Ever" on the tv, I'm nearly done with my 3rd toast and my father knocks on the door, without me replying he opens it "Go clean up your mess" he said, "yeah I'll clean it up soon I'm nearly done eating", "no Go clean it up now", " i'm not gonna stop eating to put away a toaster bro" I unintentionally said bro because I saw "Ben Gross" (Ben gROss) and just said it out of no where. I was gonna apologise but he came back and started talking shit about my ex saying "Just because you got some dick last night you think your the man now", he always spoke about me this way making comments about my sex life and me saying how I'm a slut or saying my ex bf, who was my boyfriend at the time only used me for my body when I know that wasn't the case cause I initiated most of the sex . I didn't say anything but he kept going on and on then he said "If he comes over here again I'm gonna knock him out" and at that point I got pissed off and said "Do it, see what happens" then he came into my room and punched me in my head. I got mad and started pushing him telling him to get out, I'm not scared of my father at all I know id beat him in a fight but I didnt want it to get to that point. My mum woke up from her sleep and asked what was happening that's when my father pushed me to the wall and my mum pushed him and started swearing at him, I got really mad and took my car keys and went out to my car and was going to leave. My mum chased me outside begging me not to leave because she knows I won't come back, hearing my mum cry and beg me made me calm down and just break down. We stayed in my car talking as she hugged me saying how sorry she is and that my father doing this really opened her eyes and that she's going to take me and my siblings to move out. After an hour he was inside laughing at the TV like nothing happened, there's something mentally wrong with him. When I was younger he used to touch my behind, he doesn't close his door when he showers or bathes and dresses himself Infront of us. Hes embarrassed us to the point we had to move schools, he was the reason my bf is now my ex bf, when my nana was dying he didn't let any of us see her (she later passed on her own) when my mum was pregnant in 2015 he poured gasoline on her while she was in her car and threatened to burn her alive while we watched not knowing what to do. He broke things my mum saved up money to pay for, he's stolen money out of my car, he gets mad at me when I don't give him money, he's punched my brother in the face he's done a lot and now we're done. Next week we're moving, and he'll never see us again. No contact, nothing. At this point. I don't even care if he kills himself, he's been nothing but a burden to us, nothing but a shit excuse for a father. I hate him.

Pt 1 If you haven't read it yet.
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Pt 2 If you haven't read it yet.
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Pt 3 If you haven't read it yet.
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Pt 4 If you haven't read it yet.
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Pt 5 If you haven't read it yet.
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The sun had begun to set, so I made my way over to the metro station we agreed upon as the rendezvous point. The walk took me about 20 minutes so by the time I got back the streetlights were beginning to switch on as the last red rays of starlight dipped below the horizon. It was there I anxiously awaited for Tromō, expecting him to take longer. I stayed for about a half hour, but at that point my stomach had slowly begun to sink with dread. My mind raced. In an attempt to dismiss these fears I reached for my communicator to check his location (I know, I know, risky in a public location but I had made my way over to a much quieter location.) I found him en route to the warehouse district, about 20 kilometers north-northeast of my location. Something had gone terribly wrong. Sensing the worst I quickly commandeered a nearby truck, hot-wired it, and hauled ass back to the hotel. I was never particularly any good at combat so
a different strategy would be required. I also had many moral qualms at the thought of murder, but since Tromō would likely have his identity compromised, protocol states clearly that anyone who comes in contact with that knowledge must be promptly terminated, and the blind rage made quick work eliminating that psychological barrier.
On the drive back to the hotel I began to plot his rescue. My mind, overcome with anger, jumped to a most unorthodox manner of dealing death. The plan I had settled on was to deploy a gas, engineered to only affect Ix. The gas would serve as the medium for the transmission of a specially designed virus to act as a genetic trojan horse to gain access to their cells, and disable their DNA from being read. None of their immune systems could cope with such a virus, allowing it to wreak havoc on their bodies unimpeded. Now, I did design the virus to prevent itself from spreading to new hosts and would only last a few milliseconds while outside the gas.
Getting back to the hotel room I sequenced the Ix's genome so I could tailor the virus. How it would work is a CRISPR protein would be released once access had been gained to the cell, this would identify active strings of genetic code, and replace them with deactivated strands, which the body wouldn't read for. Repeat this 100 or so trillion more times and you have a rather unpleasant appointment with the grim reaper in just 48 hours. The gas, however, would paralyze them, preventing any movement while the virus made its way through the body.
I worked for the next 4 hours, as quickly as I could, making sure to inform Bridge about what had happened to Tomō, but only mentioned that I was "Handling it." when it came to finding a solution. Captain didn't follow up as there was a general understanding that you don't talk about what you had to do on a rescue mission. At regular intervals I checked his location and vitals making sure that not only was he not moving, but also still remained alive.
Leaving the hotel I got back in the truck and went as fast as I could to the warehouse they were keeping him in. Rage and fear boiling over. What were they doing to Tomō? Is he hurt? I'm gonna kill those fuckers. They fucked with the wrong person and now they're gonna be in a world of hurt unlike anything they could possibly imagine.
Slamming on the brakes when I got there, I took in my surroundings. The building was small, no larger than a barn, with a slanted roof with two skylights. Surrounding the building was a tall fence, nothing I couldn't climb and the entrance was padlocked shut, both the gate and the door. After scaling the fence I climbed up a dumpster and up onto the roof, making sure to crawl whenever I could. Peeking through the skylight, which was cracked open slightly, allowing me to not only see but hear what was going on inside.
It was a most distressing scene, Tomō, tied to an iron column, all bruised and bloodied, with four other people, 2 men and 2 women, standing nearby. I was lucky to have calibrated the dose for 5 people.
"It's been 5 hours, your little friend isn't coming to save you." One of the men said approaching Tomō
Fearing that he could hurt him once more I readied the bow with the special arrow that would release the gas on impact.
Release.
The arrow landed right in-between the man and the three others. They all turned to look at me, but I had quickly hidden myself from view.
"Looks like your friend is here after all. Shame he missed!" He shouted.
"I didn't need to!" I shouted back, clicked the button that would release the gas along with the virus.
I crawled back over to the skylight to see my creation take action. They began to cough. One of them fell down.
"You don't know, do you?" He said, laughing and still coughing.
"We knew where you were. That tracker is on you too. Oh, and that little bioweapon you designed, it doesn't work on us."
He pulled off a sort of latex disguise. He was not Ix, none of them were. They were all Trexel, the sworn enemy of The Federation who they had been fighting with, largely in the form of border skirmishes and territorial disputes for the last 200 years.
"Get him." The man said, pointing at me as the three others began running out of the building.
FUCK SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
I quickly climbed down the roof and only had time to get onto the top of the dumpster, I was unarmed, or so I thought, remembering the pair of scissors I kept in one of my pockets. I did ditch my bow and at this point it was dead weight to me.
"You're gonna fucking pay for what you did to Tomō." I growled.
"With a pair of scissors! HA!" one of the women said.
"You fucked around..."
Splitting the scissors in two, I grabbed one of the halves and threw it.
"ACK" Was her last word as the blade pierced right through her neck.
THUMP was the noise her body made collapsing onto the floor as she bled out and choked. Her peers readied their swords. (Kinetic weapons would make too much noise and Energy weapons could have some... unintended consequences.) I grabbed a short, half-meter pipe and taped the remaining half of the scissors to one end.
"with a human.. and now... you find out."
I jumped down from my position, while that did mean sacrificing my high ground, I needed to make the quickest work of the two in order to get to Tomō as quickly as possible.
They both charged me at the same time, trying to flank, but I just circled around, making sure to keep line of sight.
Eventually one charged me, I let her attack me, always making sure to move out of the way, this kept the both of them in motion, never quite getting close enough to strike.
Leading them in circles I eventually picked the man who didn't seem as skilled due to his lack of participation compared to his other colleague.
Lunging towards him I made quick steps towards, when I got inside striking range he I had to sidestep his sword, but in the end that didn't matter, a swift stab to the chin and I just pushed him aside with the other end of the pipe to bled out.
Now all that was left was the woman standing there, alone, and moderately terrified.
Adrenaline coursing through my veins in ever increasing quantities, and desperation coursing through hers, we charged at each other, and I stabbed her in the torso, striking one of her vital organs.
But I was but a 10th of a second too late, and the steel of her blade sliced about 2 and a half centimeters into my right shoulder. Adrenaline quieted the pain, but it still hurt like hell as the blood trickled out and I began to lose feeling in my right arm.
Pulling my communicator I hit the SOS button.
Pushing her body to the side I ran as fast I could to the door and charged the last man toppling him to the ground. But he was prepared, holding a knife in his hand, stabbing and slashing until his last breath. When all was done I ran over to Tomō but collapsed just centimeters from freeing him as the amount of blood I lost grew, and the pain returned.
I waited for 2 minutes, but it felt like eternity, barely being able to open my eyes, and the pain shooting throughout my body, all while I could hear Tomō struggling to break free to try and treat my wounds.
But at the end of those two minutes I was lifted up into a medevac shuttle.
"Tomō?" I groaned, forcing the word out with every fiber of my being.
"Yes we have Tomō he'll be okay but our priority is you right now."
I recognized the voice, it was Jiply, the ship's doctor, but I could barely parse it out through the noise of other doctors and whirring, beeping machines as the crew of doctors attended to my injuries.
By the next time I had opened my eyes I was lying down in a cold room by myself, dressed in my underwear and a knee-length hospital gown, hooked up to a heart rate monitor and a pack of blood to replenish what I had lost. Nearby though was a call button, which I sat up slowly to reach, upon sitting up I inspected myself, noticing that my torso had 5 scars from the fight, and I estimated another 2 on my back judging by the tenderness of the skin. I pressed the button repeatedly until someone came.
"Well I see you're awake!" Smiled Jiply.
"Would you like me to tell the crew you're awake?"
"Just Tomō for now, I'll tell the crew myself" I said, groggily.
"Oh and could you get me something to wear please?"
"Sure thing I can get you something!"
She left the room and shortly afterwards brought me a pair of pants, the same color as my gown and made of flannel. Since I couldn't get out of bed quite yet she put them on for me.
"Thank you." I whispered.
Jiply left once more to get Tromō, I didn't have to wait long until I heard him bursting through the door.
"You're okay!" He exclaimed while crying.
"Oh thank the stars you're okay!"
He bolted towards me, tightly wrapping his arms around me.
"Too much squeeze, too much squeeze!"
Not only was he hugging me too tightly, but it also irritated my tender scars. He quickly loosened his hug, allowing me to feel his soft, wrinkly skin, and hear the pitter-patter of his hearts.
"So good to see you're okay too."
We were both crying tears of joy, and while I knew whatever just happened would only be the start, I would always have someone I could rely on. Tomō would always have my back, and I would always have his. I fell asleep mid-embrace.
When I woke up once more, it was already the next day, and while the bag of blood had been removed, its place was a clear IV bag to, you know, prevent me from starving.
I just laid down, facing the ceiling, taking in the calm. Savoring it. For about... 5 minutes, after that I got bored, so I pressed the call button. To no-one's surprise by this point, Jiply walks in shortly afterwards. I strongly suspect that she was personally overseeing me as it likely got priority over Klob'lar freaking out over stubbing their toe again.
"Is there anything I can help you with?" She asked
"Could you get me a cane, I would like to tell the crew that I'm okay."
She handed me a cane, carefully lifting myself back onto my shaking legs.
"So what's the damage doc?"
"Well, your liver got punctured but we were able to repair that, and we had concerns about the long term viability of your L-3 vertebrae and your right shoulder so we replaced the both of them."
"Not too bad." I chuckled.
I slowly made my way over to the door one hand clasped around the cane, and the other around the IV bag stand. It took me about half an hour to head down the hallway over to the bridge. The door opened and I belted out as hard as I could
"IMM BAACK!" *Cough* *Cough*
Everyone stood up to face me and began to clap, which I signaled for them to stop since I didn't care for the noise. I was smiling though
"We figured you were okay, Tomō seemed happier than ever before so we assumed it meant good news for you!" The captain said walking over to me.
"Awww man he spoiled the surprise!" I laughed.
"Oh please, seeing you walking is plenty surprise enough."
"So how did you manage to rescue me so quickly without being discovered?"
"Oh we didn't, we unfortunately had to prematurely inform them of other life in the galaxy."
"You're fucking with me aren't you."
"After how you fought, we all respect you too much to fuck with you like that."
"Well shit." I said, the smile I had was wiped from my face.
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So that's it for Pt 6, hope you liked the fight scene! Pt 7 should be coming out in another 2 days. As always, thanks for reading!

I am very quickly ruining what little independence I had left. My mom takes a risk and fights her boss to put me on the payroll for a stay at home job and how do I repay her? By actively not taking my meds, letting myself act out during a mixed episode, and not doing any work for 2 weeks.
My boyfriend sat me down the other day and basically said I needed to get back on my meds because we're financially screwed rn and I haven't been contributing... Which is fair. And I've slowly been coming out of my mixed episode but now I'm so wracked with anxiety that I just feel so hopeless and lost and incapable.
How am I supposed to save a job I haven't worked at in two weeks? How am I supposed to force myself to take my meds when I know how good hypomania feels? Real life is exhausting.
I'm not actually here asking for advice. I got myself and it should be up to me to sort out a solution. I guess I'm just here trying to get my thoughts in order before going forward.

I was got in to a stem research program in a different country. It was a really competitive program and it's hard to get into and I was able to get into the program.
We have to travel abroad and tbh, the reason too why I applied was because I'm so sick and tired of my mom repetitively tell me I should do something in the summer. I'm so sick of living life with her but can't because I can't afford a living while in college and has a physical disability. (Even that she forced me to go to college and signed me up without my consent).
The problem was I was gonna be sent to Africa for research and my mom greatly disagrees with me. She wanted me to go to Asia instead. I don't really understand why but my mom is so manipulative and I admit I was brain washed my whole life thinking that I needed her and no one else. That I'd go to hell if I hated her. So I talked to my mentor that I have to go to Asia instead due to my disability. But actually it was mostly due to my mom not wanting me to go to Africa. My program mentor was annoyed at my request as after 12 hours of country I was given to, I had to change. I told him that he said himself that he can accommodate us if we want to change within 72 hours of declaring what country we will go to. And he remembered that so he agreed to my request.
Upon going to Asia, I learned my mom decided to find a conference in the same country I'm going to. I was upset because all along I learned that she wants to follow me and watch me over. However, it is also the program's policy to not have family members follow us abroad because it's suppose be for us focusing on connecting with others, immersing ourselves in the culture and do research. She insisted to see me in secret and no one has to know. I insisted no but she gave me a glaring look and scared me so I agreed.
Abroad, it was hard. My colleagues were not the best at collaboration and negotiation. This one girl wanted to get what she wants. Instead of eating and trying out the country's cuisine, she wanted Yakiniku, Hot pot, American food etc. She wanted expensive stuff. She controls all of our actions and acts as if she is the mother. Because she is the oldest. It was bad. I'm not rich so I can't afford to eat dinner with them. So I lied that I don't eat dinner. But I actually go to eat the cultural food which taste better and cheaper.
I also didn't have a set structure of research where my the research given to me conflicts with the program's policies. I talked to my program mentor about this and he just doesn't listen. I tried and tried and he just became rude at me. If I don't do my research I will be in trouble. If I didn't follow the program policy, I'll also get in trouble. And I'm in a different country so nothing works right. So I did what I think is right and the most important, do the research anyway. Then the problem aggravated when my mom came. Now it sounded like I'm vacationing there instead of working. She does everything for me and at least wanted me to have a day off when I'm not suppose to.
My colleagues rat me out, they also ganged up on me. They were verbally and emotionally absuive. They also found out I was eating in a cheaper restaurant and not with them. They argue they're Americans too and crave the cuisine too so they needed it quite often in dinner as they eat the country's food everyday and is sick of it. I told them, we're in this country to immerse ourelves at the same time save money as American food is 8x more expensive and I'm not rich. They claimed they're so hurt for what I did and think I can't be trusted. The others 2 wanna do their own thing but they said they were terrified of this girl. And I just happened to not be. It's also not requird but encouraged to eat dinner together. But I got in soooo much trouble from everyone. It was bad to the point I became suicidal.
I know I should tell the truth. But no one is even negotiating and listening to me. And my mom was part of the problem.
I have to be sent back home. I was already depressed, can no longer fix my relationship to my colleagues as they're forever mad at me. But I finished my research datas and just have to write them all down.
My mom talked to my program mentor. My brother was there too. My brother explained to me how my mom was just acting like a victim and that she just cares for me. My brother who also has the same sentiments to my mom's manipulative personality. It was awful and I was now seen as the outcast and villain.
I can't move on from that. And until today that all of it was my fault.

What can we as normal people do to solve these absurd rents?
From the perspective of a Floridian.
Housing in Florida in general is expensive but specifically south Florida has gotten out of control. It’s starting to get to California level of overpriced and greedy.
Ok I get it there’s a ton of people moving here and the state is growing which is generally a good thing. But if the lowest option for rent gets too much above the median income it will drive many people away from here. Nobody will be able to afford to be a service worker unless they live with their parents or jam packed into a bedroom with a bunch of other people.
We can fight politically. Would rent control be a decent option? I know here it’s been very controversial due to the landlord lobby. Increase wages? Organize a rent protest? Make it a big big issue come election time.
One of the biggest barriers to move in is the absurd up front costs now they require THREE months of rent upfront. It wasn’t like that before and it’s not like that anywhere else. Who has 10k to move in to an entry level rental? You’d have to save for a long time assuming you come out positive in cash at the end of each month making the median wage.
I saw a post on Miami where they talked about the fact that living here feels like you’re being mocked all the time for being poor. It’s all me me me. How can I show that I make money and all peasants below me could never. Wish there was more of a sense of community where people are down to meet, network, socialize, etc. But everyone just cares about posting their $50 brunch on Instagram to flex on the brokies.
How are abuelas and abuelos supposed to live here. People without the ability to move up in their careers. Soon a significant portion of those people are gonna have to go on section 8 to afford to stay here. And that’s taxpayer money going towards an issue caused by greed. I love this state I’ve been here my whole life and want to stay here but the future looks grim. We’re going to turn into California where people are renting RV’s parked on the street for $2000 a month unless we take action and demand a solution to this housing crisis.

Obligatory this happened in 2019 and I have been feeling the results since then.
So I was in the process of moving from the US to the Netherlands in the summer of 2019. I went on vacation with my family to Turin, Italy. I was shopping by myself and I stopped into Celio, a mens fashion/clothing store. I saw a pink pair of shorts, made of cotton and linen, which I loved. The pair of shorts came with a braided belt. I bought a size S.
I wasn't happy with the waist sizing when I got home (I don't know why, I was stupid. I tried it in store, obviously). The next day I happened to be going to Genoa. I decided to go to the store in Genoa to return the correct sized short, and get M-sized pants. They didn't fit me (but I was stupid, I tried it in-store) and got them. I think the belt affected how I perceived the fit of the pants. But at that point I was too embarrassed to say "no, I will stick with the small" as I was being personally taken care of, and I didnt want to go to the store in Turin again as it would be even more embarrassing. Again, I'm stupid.
Because the pants were too big, I had my grandma stitch up the sides by collapsing the excess fabric over one another to decrease the waist size. It was actually quite nicely done, and you couldn't tell it was stitched up unless if you saw it from up close. Because I am so bright, I decided to cut off the tag that gives info about the shirt, most importantly the product ID/reference number. I have no idea why I did that. Let me re-iterate, I am as dumb as a brick.
​
My grandma's stitches started to rip recently (the normal stitching is just fine, I am surprised how long it was able to last, considering that I wore it quite often during the summer, but I always knew that it was the incorrect size and I always felt a bit stupid wearing sown up shorts). I tried to find the shorts on the website to buy a new pair in size S but I couldn't find them. I spent hours looking for a pair on the internet until I found a pair on Vinted. I sent the customer support an email, with a link to the Vinted page, but they couldn't do much without the reference number, that I cut off forever ago. So I bought the pair of shorts (they are the incorrect size so that's why I didn't buy it before emailing support, and maybe they could help me by just having a picture of the shorts, so I wouldn't have to spend money).
So I spent 15e or so to have it shipped to me, but now I have the reference number, I sent them a follow-up email, and waiting for a response.
I will update this post when I get an email response.
​
TL;DR: I bought a pair of shorts from Celio in 2019. Originally the correct size, then stupidly swapped it to a larger size. Because it was too big, my grandma sowed the waist to fit my waist size. I also cut off the product reference tags. Now I want to buy a new pair, but eventually found the shorts on Vinted after HOURS of searching. Customer service can't help me based of just a photo of the pants until I get the product number. So I spent 15e to buy the wrong sized shorts just to get the product number and I am waiting for the email back. Will update after I get an email response.

Not blaming phenibut only but I was using phenibut and kratom for about 3 years daily. Average probably 5gpd of phen towards the end, 30 gpd of kratom too.
Severe restless legs especially during night, couldn't sleep for days, worst imaginable anxiety, severe anhedonia, constant urge to pee from urine retention. Afraid to go outside. Mind racing with negativity while not being able to sleep.
Long story short I cut myself multiple times with a blunt kitchen knife about 2 weeks ago. Also swallowed capful of toilet cleaner. I'm currently in a psych / mental health ward.
Never did anything like that before. Just occasional intrusive thoughts of suicide. I saw no way out cos I knew the doctors or my family wouldn't know what phen or kratom were.
Had severe anhedonia for a few weeks before that despite still taking phen and kratom
I was trying to taper both but I wasn't sticking too it properly.
Worst part was at the time I felt extreme coldness towards what it would do to my family if I succeeded. Was like I didn't care at the time. Was singly focused on ending my suffering
After I was fixed up in the hospital was brought to a psych ward who prescribed low dose baclofen for a few days, among some other drugs.
Then after a few days I was transferred to another mental health place closer to my home. Here they refused to prescribe me baclofen, just valium.
It's been a living hell for someone with social anxiety, haven't slept properly for about 10 days.
Just a warning to not be dumb like me
Still second guessing myself if it wasn't another substance I'd stopped talking like magnesium glycinate or vitamin c. Suppose I'll never know

Previous Chapter - Read 10 weeks ahead on Patreon - Read the story so far on Royal Road
*
Chapter Thirteen - Bridge Over Swift Water (Part II)
​
The cottage beside the mill was not large, and its low ceilings were packed with all manner of cupboards, shelves, chairs and tables, pressed in against the walls in a maze of well-worn clutter. The result was a rather overcrowded space, and Ren was forced to take more care than usual so as not to bump into anything when they entered, but the hearth was broad, and the smell of cooking filled the air, so it did not take long to settle into a comfortable lull of pleasant talk around the table whilst they waited for their lunch. Ted's wife, a young, slender woman with dark, smiling eyes and shoulder-length fair hair, hurried about the fire busily, stirring and seasoning her pots with a methodical efficiency. A mug arrived for each of them (water for the boys, something stronger for Ted), and they talked for a time of small things, of the weather and the harvest, hoping for a mild winter, idle talk for idle minds. Even Trin seemed to have relaxed in the lazy firelight, though he was more quiet than usual. Ren thought of how scared he had been of the miller as a boy, remembering the fearsome man with his scarred neck and deep voice that had raked their dinner table at the farm with his dark eyes. It was a memory that fit the man beside him about as well as a child’s boot might fit its fathers. He started to feel a little guilty for avoiding him, whenever he visited the farm.
‘Heard you were heading to Overwood, last week.’
Ren blinked, looking up from the fire to find Ted watching him over his mug. He swallowed.
‘Took a cart to the market with grandfather.’
‘How is the old goat?’
Ren hesitated. ‘He’s… he’s well.’
Ted took a swig of his ale, not a little wistfully. ‘Used to live up there, you know. Overwood, I mean. After the soldiering, when the Black Breath took my Da. Coughed up his own lungs, ‘fore it got ‘im. Always was a scrapper. Not easy, losing someone like that.’
Ren swallowed, looking away, and the miller’s eyes softened.
‘Your Ma, too, boy, I know. Damn shame.’ he said apologetically, and Ren decided not to correct him. ‘Long time before I came out here, anyways.’
‘You fought in the war?’ Trin asked tentatively.
‘I fought in the rebellion, boy.’ Ted corrected him. ‘Was only one King, back then.’
Trin swallowed, looking at the floor.
‘But that was a long time ago now. Afore you were born, I reckon. Not a lot of work for soldiers in peacetime. Must have dug half the privies in Overwood before I earned the coin to up sticks.'
‘Earned?’ Werla snorted from beside the fire, cheeks dimpling. ‘Swindled, more like.’
Ren looked over at her. He had always thought her a little young for the old miller. He was well past forty, and with his weathered brow and ugly scar he was hardly an obvious match for a pretty young girl not long from twenty when they had wed a couple of summers back. He wondered, not for the first time, how they had fallen in together to begin with.
‘Now, don't be giving our guests the wrong idea.’ Ted told her, grinning, and the scar on his neck knotted. He turned back to the boys, holding up his hands earnestly. ‘An honest game of chance, I swear it. Northerner, he was, didn't know dice from a pebble.’
Ren and Trin both nodded sagely at his explanation, neither of them knowing one jot about dice, or gambling, or Northerners, for that matter. Werla swept to their rescue, appearing at the miller's shoulder and planting a kiss on his cheek.
‘Swindled.’ she said pointedly.
Ted smiled in spite of himself, shooing her away. She chuckled and turned back to the stew, humming softly to herself.
‘I hear there’s a lot of new folk in town.’ Ted said, turning back to the boys. ‘From up in the Stonelands.’
‘Enough to notice.’ Ren replied, thinking of the unpleasantness on the road. He frowned. ‘Unfriendly types.’
‘Been a while since I made it over that way. Couple of winters back, now.’ He frowned thoughtfully, then smiled in Werla’s direction. ‘A lot can change in two years, though.’
Werla looked up, flashing him a smile, then went back to her stew pot again, humming. The miller paused, scratching at his scar, then gave the boys a curious look. ‘So, then. What brings you out this far?’
Ren lowered his eyes, and Trin shifted uncomfortably beside him. Ted laughed, weathered face creasing into a smile.
‘Come now.’ he told them. ‘Can’t hardly turn you over to your grandfather from here, can I?’
Ren swallowed. ‘We were just out for a ride…’
‘Mister Derin told us never to cross the bridge.’ Trin finished for him, scowling. ‘He said it was too far from the farm. Not safe, he said. So of course that’s exactly where Ren has to go. We’ll be in for it when we get back!’
‘You didn't have to come, Trin.’ Ren told his friend patiently. He thought of his grandfather’s old map, carved with rivers and mountains and cities in dark ink. The Swiftwater wasn’t even big enough to merit a line, and the distance they’d travelled this morning wouldn’t be more than a nails-breadth.
‘Well you didn't tell me where we were going.’ Trin replied, fidgeting nervously. His fingers twisted around a stray tear in his shirt, tugging at it. ‘And besides... Hardly going to let you go running off on your own. Too risky. It's not safe this far from the farm, for you most of all, so they says.’
‘Who’s they?’ Ren asked, scowling.
‘Hector. Your grandfather. And Ma, too! Everyone!’
‘Your Ma doesn’t know everything, Trin.’
‘Still a damn sight more than you!’
‘Easy, boys.’ Ted was smiling, and his scarred neck twisted. ‘I wager the north side of the river is much the same as this one.’
Trin lowered his eyes, and his cheeks reddened. Ren thought of the shadows moving in the trees over the bridge, the way he had fallen when Ted had found him, and started to feel very foolish indeed. His thoughts had been dark, unpredictable, these past few days, since the trip to Overwood. He never had been a good sleeper, but his nights had been more restless than usual, too, his dreams a little thicker with shadows. Shadows with faces, and a hunchback with gold eyes to give them voice. Turning every doorway to the gloom of the fortuneteller’s tent, every flame the silver light of his brazier. He frowned at himself. Just rhymes and empty words. Best not to dwell on it.
‘Food's ready!’ Werla said suddenly from the fire, and a few moments later they had steaming bowls of fragrant brown stew sitting in front of them on the table. Ted carved up some slices of soft, pale bread for them to soak, and they set to eating it all in relative quiet for a time, content with good food and the soft warmth of the fire, and it was not long before all thoughts of the bridge, and the shadows beyond it, had gone entirely from Ren's mind. He found himself staring wearily into his cup, watching idly as the clear water rocked and rolled against the rim, listening to the rumble of the river outside.
‘Won’t turn to ale just by looking at it.’ Ted told him, and he looked up to find the miller looking at him curiously, taking another mouthful of bread. Trin was still quite engaged in his food, and Werla was sipping her mug contentedly, pale hair brushed back behind her ears.
‘What?’
‘Come, now, boy. What’s got you twisted?’ Ted asked, taking sip of his drink.
Ren hesitated. ‘I was thinking about the market.’ He said after a moment, looking up. It was true enough.
‘Ah. Town ain't what it used to be.’ Ted looked at him thoughtfully for a moment, then began rubbing his thumb around the rim of his mug, staring at it. His young wife watched him with a slight frown. ‘All these unsavoury types arriving. You hear the talk, even out here. City folk, some of them, and worse. Heard… there’s talk of Brothers abroad, up in the Westmere. Out in the open, again, like.’ He pressed harder against the mug, thumb turning white. Werla reached out and pulled his hand away, folding it in her own and meeting his eye. Ted frowned, squeezing her hand, and the ugly scar on his neck gleamed. Trin had stopped eating.
‘But the Westmere’s a long way from here, and I ain’t one to be complaining. Got a good roof over my head, and a good living. A good woman, too, and might have a son of my own by next winter, Makers willing.’ He grinned at Werla, putting a hand to her belly, and she smiled, pulling it to her mouth and kissing it softly. ‘Reckon I’m a lucky man.’
Ren smiled at them both, lowering his eyes.
‘Say hello to your folks, for me, boy. Tell your old man I better see his arse over here before the snows.’
Some words of thanks, warm, earnest ones, and one or two more for goodbye, then they were homeward bound again, ponies snorting in the afternoon sun, promises of a return visit ringing in their ears. Ren was left with the distinct feeling that he had misjudged the old miller, scar and all. But it wasn’t long before his thoughts turned towards the rumours he had imparted from the Westmere, his white knuckles pressed against his mug. To Hector’s words in the shadow of the farm hill. To the ugly fortuneteller and his tent of oddities and silver fire. Words whispered in the dark. He’d not mentioned the encounter in the tent to anyone. Not even his grandfather. In truth, he’d been doing his best not to think about it at all, without much success. He frowned, hunching over his saddle.
A mask on fire.
Neither of them spoke for a long while. Trin, for his part, was busy trying to subtly feed Pol the stash of small treats he had smuggled away from the cottage, glancing over at Ren occasionally to make sure he hadn’t noticed. He had, of course, but there was little use in pointing it out.
‘Trin.’ Ren said once they had crested the hill, looking back towards the river-bound cottage in the distance. Trin started and stuck his hand quickly back into his pocket, hiding a scrap of bread.
‘What?'’
‘You heard what Ted said?’ Ren asked. ‘About Brothers?’
Trin frowned. ‘Suppose so.’
Ren was still looking back the way they had come. 'What do you make of it?'
‘Reckon he’s right.’ Trin shrugged. ‘Westmere’s a long way away.’
He hesitated, frowning.
‘But Hector’s been saying it for years. Overwood’s not what it used to be. Strange folk coming and going by night. No safe place for good folk that side of the Swiftwater. Brothers or no.’
‘Grandad says there haven’t been Black Hand this far south in years.’ Ren murmured, still looking back towards the river. ‘Not since we were born, at least.’
‘Wouldn’t pay it any mind. Plenty to worry about without them.’ Trin told him, giving him a serious look. ‘You’ve been acting up more, these past few weeks. Ever since the old man came calling.’
‘Have I?’ Ren scowled, shooting his friend a sideways glance.
‘You know what I think about him.’ Trin told him seriously. ‘Can’t be trusted, that one. And you can’t be taking so many risks. Not with your… Well, you know.’
‘Your ma tell you that, too?’
‘Don’t make it wrong.’ Trin grumbled, turning away in his saddle and trotting off south over the crest of the hill. Ren waited a moment longer, frowning to himself, then followed him reluctantly. The sound of the river was long gone behind him, but he caught one final glimpse the gleaming water before he shook the reins and disappeared finally over the brow of the hill, bound for home.

Read the story so far on Royal Road - Series Page - Read 10 weeks ahead on Patreon
*
Chapter Thirteen - Bridge Over Swift Water (Part II)
The cottage beside the mill was not large, and its low ceilings were packed with all manner of cupboards, shelves, chairs and tables, pressed in against the walls in a maze of well-worn clutter. The result was a rather overcrowded space, and Ren was forced to take more care than usual so as not to bump into anything when they entered, but the hearth was broad, and the smell of cooking filled the air, so it did not take long to settle into a comfortable lull of pleasant talk around the ta-ble whilst they waited for their lunch. Ted's wife, a young, slender woman with dark, smiling eyes and shoulder-length fair hair, hurried about the fire busily, stirring and seasoning her pots with a methodical efficiency. A mug arrived for each of them (water for the boys, some-thing stronger for Ted), and they talked for a time of small things, of the weather and the harvest, hoping for a mild winter, idle talk for idle minds. Even Trin seemed to have relaxed in the lazy firelight, though he was more quiet than usual. Ren thought of how scared he had been of the miller as a boy, remembering the fearsome man with his scarred neck and deep voice that had raked their dinner table at the farm with his dark eyes. It was a memory that fit the man beside him about as well as a child’s boot might fit its fathers. He started to feel a little guilty for avoiding him, whenever he visited the farm.
‘Heard you were heading to Overwood, last week.’
Ren blinked, looking up from the fire to find Ted watching him over his mug. He swallowed.
‘Took a cart to the market with grandfather.’
‘How is the old goat?’
Ren hesitated. ‘He’s… he’s well.’
Ted took a swig of his ale, not a little wistfully. ‘Used to live up there, you know. Overwood, I mean. After the soldiering, when the Black Breath took my Da. Coughed up his own lungs, ‘fore it got ‘im. Always was a scrapper. Not easy, losing someone like that.’
Ren swallowed, looking away, and the miller’s eyes softened.
‘Your Ma, too, boy, I know. Damn shame.’ he said apologetically, and Ren decided not to correct him. ‘Long time before I came out here, anyways.’
‘You fought in the war?’ Trin asked tentatively.
‘I fought in the rebellion, boy.’ Ted corrected him. ‘Was only one King, back then.’
Trin swallowed, looking at the floor.
‘But that was a long time ago now. Afore you were born, I reckon. Not a lot of work for soldiers in peacetime. Must have dug half the privies in Overwood before I earned the coin to up sticks.'
‘Earned?’ Werla snorted from beside the fire, cheeks dimpling. ‘Swindled, more like.’
Ren looked over at her. He had always thought her a little young for the old miller. He was well past forty, and with his weathered brow and ugly scar he was hardly an obvious match for a pretty young girl not long from twenty when they had wed a couple of summers back. He wondered, not for the first time, how they had fallen in together to begin with.
‘Now, don't be giving our guests the wrong idea.’ Ted told her, grin-ning, and the scar on his neck knotted. He turned back to the boys, holding up his hands earnestly. ‘An honest game of chance, I swear it. Northerner, he was, didn't know dice from a pebble.’
Ren and Trin both nodded sagely at his explanation, neither of them knowing one jot about dice, or gambling, or Northerners, for that mat-ter. Werla swept to their rescue, appearing at the miller's shoulder and planting a kiss on his cheek.
‘Swindled.’ she said pointedly.
Ted smiled in spite of himself, shooing her away. She chuckled and turned back to the stew, humming softly to herself.
‘I hear there’s a lot of new folk in town.’ Ted said, turning back to the boys. ‘From up in the Stonelands.’
‘Enough to notice.’ Ren replied, thinking of the unpleasantness on the road. He frowned. ‘Unfriendly types.’
‘Been a while since I made it over that way. Couple of winters back, now.’ He frowned thoughtfully, then smiled in Werla’s direction. ‘A lot can change in two years, though.’
Werla looked up, flashing him a smile, then went back to her stew pot again, humming. The miller paused, scratching at his scar, then gave the boys a curious look. ‘So, then. What brings you out this far?’
Ren lowered his eyes, and Trin shifted uncomfortably beside him. Ted laughed, weathered face creasing into a smile.
‘Come now.’ he told them. ‘Can’t hardly turn you over to your grandfather from here, can I?’
Ren swallowed. ‘We were just out for a ride…’
‘Mister Derin told us never to cross the bridge.’ Trin finished for him, scowling. ‘He said it was too far from the farm. Not safe, he said. So of course that’s exactly where Ren has to go. We’ll be in for it when we get back!’
‘You didn't have to come, Trin.’ Ren told his friend patiently. He thought of his grandfather’s old map, carved with rivers and mountains and cities in dark ink. The Swiftwater wasn’t even big enough to merit a line, and the distance they’d travelled this morning wouldn’t be more than a nails-breadth.
‘Well you didn't tell me where we were going.’ Trin replied, fidget-ing nervously. His fingers twisted around a stray tear in his shirt, tug-ging at it. ‘And besides... Hardly going to let you go running off on your own. Too risky. It's not safe this far from the farm, for you most of all, so they says.’
‘Who’s they?’ Ren asked, scowling.
‘Hector. Your grandfather. And Ma, too! Everyone!’
‘Your Ma doesn’t know everything, Trin.’
‘Still a damn sight more than you!’
‘Easy, boys.’ Ted was smiling, and his scarred neck twisted. ‘I wa-ger the north side of the river is much the same as this one.’
Trin lowered his eyes, and his cheeks reddened. Ren thought of the shadows moving in the trees over the bridge, the way he had fallen when Ted had found him, and started to feel very foolish indeed. His thoughts had been dark, unpredictable, these past few days, since the trip to Overwood. He never had been a good sleeper, but his nights had been more restless than usual, too, his dreams a little thicker with shad-ows. Shadows with faces, and a hunchback with gold eyes to give them voice. Turning every doorway to the gloom of the fortuneteller’s tent, every flame the silver light of his brazier. He frowned at himself. Just rhymes and empty words. Best not to dwell on it.
‘Food's ready!’ Werla said suddenly from the fire, and a few mo-ments later they had steaming bowls of fragrant brown stew sitting in front of them on the table. Ted carved up some slices of soft, pale bread for them to soak, and they set to eating it all in relative quiet for a time, content with good food and the soft warmth of the fire, and it was not long before all thoughts of the bridge, and the shadows beyond it, had gone entirely from Ren's mind. He found himself staring wearily into his cup, watching idly as the clear water rocked and rolled against the rim, listening to the rumble of the river outside.
‘Won’t turn to ale just by looking at it.’ Ted told him, and he looked up to find the miller looking at him curiously, taking another mouthful of bread. Trin was still quite engaged in his food, and Werla was sip-ping her mug contentedly, pale hair brushed back behind her ears.
‘What?’
‘Come, now, boy. What’s got you twisted?’ Ted asked, taking sip of his drink.
Ren hesitated. ‘I was thinking about the market.’ He said after a moment, looking up. It was true enough.
‘Ah. Town ain't what it used to be.’ Ted looked at him thoughtfully for a moment, then began rubbing his thumb around the rim of his mug, staring at it. His young wife watched him with a slight frown. ‘All these unsavoury types arriving. You hear the talk, even out here. City folk, some of them, and worse. Heard… there’s talk of Brothers abroad, up in the Westmere. Out in the open, again, like.’ He pressed harder against the mug, thumb turning white. Werla reached out and pulled his hand away, folding it in her own and meeting his eye. Ted frowned, squeezing her hand, and the ugly scar on his neck gleamed. Trin had stopped eating.
‘But the Westmere’s a long way from here, and I ain’t one to be complaining. Got a good roof over my head, and a good living. A good woman, too, and might have a son of my own by next winter, Makers willing.’ He grinned at Werla, putting a hand to her belly, and she smiled, pulling it to her mouth and kissing it softly. ‘Reckon I’m a lucky man.’
Ren smiled at them both, lowering his eyes.
‘Say hello to your folks, for me, boy. Tell your old man I better see his arse over here before the snows.’
Some words of thanks, warm, earnest ones, and one or two more for goodbye, then they were homeward bound again, ponies snorting in the afternoon sun, promises of a return visit ringing in their ears. Ren was left with the distinct feeling that he had misjudged the old miller, scar and all. But it wasn’t long before his thoughts turned towards the ru-mours he had imparted from the Westmere, his white knuckles pressed against his mug. To Hector’s words in the shadow of the farm hill. To the ugly fortuneteller and his tent of oddities and silver fire. Words whispered in the dark. He’d not mentioned the encounter in the tent to anyone. Not even his grandfather. In truth, he’d been doing his best not to think about it at all, without much success. He frowned, hunching over his saddle.
A mask on fire.
Neither of them spoke for a long while. Trin, for his part, was busy trying to subtly feed Pol the stash of small treats he had smuggled away from the cottage, glancing over at Ren occasionally to make sure he hadn’t noticed. He had, of course, but there was little use in pointing it out.
‘Trin.’ Ren said once they had crested the hill, looking back towards the river-bound cottage in the distance. Trin started and stuck his hand quickly back into his pocket, hiding a scrap of bread.
‘What?'’
‘You heard what Ted said?’ Ren asked. ‘About Brothers?’
Trin frowned. ‘Suppose so.’
Ren was still looking back the way they had come. 'What do you make of it?'
‘Reckon he’s right.’ Trin shrugged. ‘Westmere’s a long way away.’
He hesitated, frowning.
‘But Hector’s been saying it for years. Overwood’s not what it used to be. Strange folk coming and going by night. No safe place for good folk that side of the Swiftwater. Brothers or no.’
‘Grandad says there haven’t been Black Hand this far south in years.’ Ren murmured, still looking back towards the river. ‘Not since we were born, at least.’
‘Wouldn’t pay it any mind. Plenty to worry about without them.’ Trin told him, giving him a serious look. ‘You’ve been acting up more, these past few weeks. Ever since the old man came calling.’
‘Have I?’ Ren scowled, shooting his friend a sideways glance.
‘You know what I think about him.’ Trin told him seriously. ‘Can’t be trusted, that one. And you can’t be taking so many risks. Not with your… Well, you know.’
‘Your ma tell you that, too?’
‘Don’t make it wrong.’ Trin grumbled, turning away in his saddle and trotting off south over the crest of the hill. Ren waited a moment longer, frowning to himself, then followed him reluctantly. The sound of the river was long gone behind him, but he caught one final glimpse the gleaming water before he shook the reins and disappeared finally over the brow of the hill, bound for home.

I have been with my long distance bf for 1.5+ years. (20F & 21M)
My bf once told me “go in the bathroom, open the tap and cry with your fingers in your mouth” and we were arguing and supposedly I was ranting and accusing him. Just blaming him for the issue and saying how bad he is and he said that. I was baffled. I’m someone who cries at everything and after he said that, I ignored him but he later said “it was a joke” and apologised and we got past it.
This other time I was anxious and we were arguing and he said he is going to sleep which made me mad because I was ranting and he is leaving which actually triggers my anxiety so I told him that he isn’t leaving. Then he said “keep barking” and I was like wtf. He later said that it was a “joke” and he didn’t mean it and apologised. Again, we also put this behind us.
Both were last year and I genuinely thought he was joking and didn’t know better but I later realised that It was not okay and I wouldn’t tolerate it but I never made it clear with him.
It really stopped happening altogether until a month ago, I ranted to him about my family and he gave me a solution, told me that I should have been careful but it made me mad because i felt unheard and not understood. I got so mad and started telling him he doesn’t understand shit or blah blah and he said would leave and I said he cant until he said “you deserve what happened to you” WTF. Then I blocked him everywhere.
He said it was a joke and to unblock him from another account and I made it clear that no matter what, I don’t like those kind of jokes and won’t stand them. He apologised. I set my boundary and let it go.
I actually have issues myself. Im anxious and annoying at times. I poke too much and accuse/blame too much when Im mad. I have been working on it and I have improved a lot. It’s just I would never make a “joke” which is more of an insult/taunt out of someone’s experience or emotions. Everytime I think about it, I get mad for letting it slide because it was disrespectful and hurtful. Idk what other people think of it or what would the term be? Is it really abuse or manipulation or what?
He never says anything negative about me or my appearance. He is always positive and hypes me up. I feel like he said those “jokes” out of frustration because I wouldn’t stop blaming but It’s still not okay that he said them.

An actor everybody is pretty much somewhat familiar with, Rowan Atkinson that plays Mr Bean recently made an about 10 minute press release speech and statement. It was directly concerning the freedom of the people of the United Kingdom to merely express themselves, to perform the very human act of communicating and sharing. https://youtu.be/xUezfuy8Qpc
The fact that the U.K is unfortunately by law a tyrannical state that dishes out criminal punishment to anyone who says anything anyone finds offensive, no literally they actually have laws that get you arrested for posting normal song lyrics and other mundane normal usage posts. It's from a recent yet slightly older law from 25 years ago, and it enables anyone to be charged with hate speech for saying or since the advent of social media posting anything anyone ever finds offensive.
I wish it were otherwise but unfortunately these authoritarian tyrannical laws are also present... in Australia and you have probably forgotten but they were on full display in Australia in 2019... when the Pharmaceutical companies became the wealthiest and most profitable companies on Earth... the same companies that sponsor Political Parties,... and Television advertisements,... Social Media companies (like the one your on now) and literally run the tests and produce all medical scientific papers (studies, theories, hospitals, physicians on payroll, fund entire hospitals and livelihoods... etc. etc.) The best example I can remember of the absolute tyranny Australia was under is a case whereby a pregnant women in Victoria was arrested for writing on a Facebook post that she was against lockdowns and supported the protests against them... the Police came and arrested her... for 'Hate Speech'... it luckily enough got picked up media companies (TV stories and articles). Luckily. So the police, after dragging this pregnant woman kicking and screaming out of her apartment (not exactly literally) let her go without charge. She was lucky. Very very lucky. And there is no way she should have had to have been 'lucky' for merely making a post on Facebook.
America simply does not have this problem as written into the very constitution as the 1st Amendment to their constitution by the founding fathers in all of their wisdom, intelligence, good faith and if your religious like they where, filled with divine enlightenment wrote it such that the Government in America has no ability to write any law to restrict people's rights to express themselves (Freedom of Speech), restrict the press (because back then they lacked smart phones, social media and all modern technology, which should be obvious but perhaps it is not and is difficult for people today to even begin to imagine life back then despite it being very loosely similar to today's world) and finallu restrict people's religious freedoms (written in reverse order to this because they were all wise God loving, humble, noble and brave men.
America's 1st Amendment is the only Freedom of Speech law written into its very constitution in the entire world, it is the reason that America is referred to as 'Land of the Free' and the second part of that phrase, 'Home of the Brave.'. As for protests, peaceful assembly had always been constitutionally protected, not violent assembly so riots and revolution is still very much illegal and is met with lethal counter force every time. [As a side note, if peaceful assembly fails to prevent America becoming a Tryrannical State, then the 2nd Amendment is the fail-safe. As the wisdom of the founding fathers literally argued and intendeded]
Australia does not have that phrase and frankly I feel that every Australian that knows that, feels a deep unspoken, subconscious shame over that fact and far more importantly that all Australians simply do not have the constitutional right to even speak their minds freely, as every human being alive desires.
As Rowan Atkinson stated 'Hate Speech' is not real. It is a term used to silence, censor and remove power from whomever those in power disagree and dislike or are offended by. There are seemingly endless examples from history of the evil deeds of enactment of those disliked by existing powers for example, Galileo (ostracised and persecuted by the church and all religious folk for merely stating he believed that the sun was the center of the Galaxy and not the Earth), Nikola Tesla (defamed by the work of Tomas Edison and countless people trying to claim his inventions as their own by way of patent theft and lies for the purpose of advertising like don't by an American organisation NPR over the discovery of radio), (Jesus Christ himself by his crucifixion by my Ancestors, the Romans) and as the last example, the NAZI's by locking up any intellectuals that disagreed or dared critisize any of their doctrine and propoganda, their torture of anyone condemned for death by way of countless sadistic and grotesque torture methods, and some though quite few, for scientific discovery purposes, their burning of the books followed in time by bodies, and lastly their brutal slaughter of the Jews, no evidence of wrongs but only stirring words and speeches from their beloved demagogue, Adolf Hitler and gigantic amounts of absolute propoganda distributed to the masses, orchestrated by NAZI Propoganda Chief Joseph Goebbels and his team. (Which every highschool student should have, though potentially didn't, have already learned from Highschool History class, at least in every Public School, Private Schools may be permitted a different curriculum.) Offensive caused by speech has only 1 solution. More Free speech, Rowan Atkinson a famous actor that has probably more wealth than this entire subreddit conveyed this message, and it would seem as an absolute truth as far as I can tell.
I have written this in hopes of sparking and pasing wisdom and knowledge into whoever needs to have read this. And hopefully you will pass this type of message on yourself from now on. Australia needs the Right of Freedom of Speech written into its very constitution. As demonstrated during COVID19 it needed it years ago but now even more than ever.
And to those that would say it will do nothing but allow mass disinformation, manipulation and mislead people, I would say this, history has proven you absolutely dead wrong on that statement and sentiment, the only solution to offense from speech is more Free Speech and if you silence, censor or try more modern trends of the same kind known as deplatforming or cancelling, then all you do, all you achieve, everything you are trying to stop will only be made stronger, more resilient and more popular then ever before. As examples, take Jesus Christ, he has the Roman equivalent of being hung drawn and quartered, he was crucified, publicly executed like a lamb to the slaughter to send a message of absolute obedience being required to the rest of the herd. Yet because of that Christianity exploded and has been far more viral than COVID19 or any viral video has ever been to date. And for modern times look at Tucker Carlson, deplatformed by pressure from Pharmaceutical companies, lawsuits from shitty voting machine companies and pathologically idealogically fanatic ex employees in lawsuits. Tucker Carlsons show on Fox was the most popular show on Fox News and it drew in about 2 million people every night to watch it... after he was fired... is now getting 35+ million on the regular after he started up on Twitter. I do so imagine that actuall that will be an understatement in the coming future as currently he's on his 2nd episode ever. The 'Streisand Effect' in full unbridled, unstoppable force.
Every Australian deserves the right to express themselves freely, meaning free of all Government persecution and all possible Government and legal persecution. This is and has always been a left wing idea, as the rule of Tyrants; Dictators, kings Pharaohs, Caesar's, Shoguns, Kahns, Lords, Nobles Knights and Emperors have always, always been majority perpetuated by people with conservative temperaments, whereas free thinkers, creative and imaginative people are the minority of people perpetuating the rule of Tyrants.
We here in Australia critisize China for authoritarianism and tyranny when there is weakness in our own ranks. 'Those in glass houses should not throw stones' - some famous person', 'never lay cannonfire on your enemy with a glass cannon' -me. Western countries, especially our home Australians true colours, true laws and beliefs of of people were broadcaster for the world to see during covid. And they paint a very dark authoritarian picture of our nation to the world, something China is more than smart enough to take advantage of... and much to our chagrin they are and have been since Covid ended for us. Chinese propoganda, their Television Channels, all Chinese State OWNED... all of them constantly bring up how Australia, England and America all were even worse if not just as bad as China was during Covid19, and as the best and most convincing propoganda always is... its harrowingly mostly true. (Only, partly mostly thankfully) but domestic Chinese TV isn't the most important propoganda outlet taking the easy win by using our sins in their propoganda... no, that would be the Confucius Institute in Australian Universities. China's unelected ruling communist party (communist in name only these days, just a full bull authoritarian tyranny is their ideology nowadays) main propoganda outlet in Australia is a Chinese University group called the Confucius Institute (I could be wrong about the name and I've spent too long writing this to be bothered to look it up). They target young, impressionable Chinese men and women when they are studying abroad in Australia's universities, our most popular young adult Chinese attraction, I dare say, maybe even 'Global young adult Asian attraction' as I once met a man from Tibet who said exactly that in a course I had to take for my construction job (white card). The Confucius Institute goal is promote CCP propoganda via demonising the way Australia and all Western countries are so that as few young people ever believe in the ideals of Democracy and want to return to China, such that the CCP can perpetuate its tyrannical rule over China forever. Idealogically brainwash 'loose ends' - Mafia Terminology if you understand. They thanks to what happened to Australia under the Lib/Nats Coalition 2019 to late 2022 they distribute and spread half truths about Australia and countless other lies about every part and aspect of life in Australia as well as pay members of their organisation to organise pro China protests, (sign holders and chanters) in Australian Universities, footage of this circulated sparsely in Australian media and articles during 2014-2018 roughly though probably a bit before too. They actively seek out and target specifically ethnically Chinese and often try to emotionally blackmail them, incite fear into them, speak exclusively their propoganda to then and rarely but almost certainly literally blackmail them using the threat of violence, torture and death of their families back in China. Naturally there's no direct evidence of that claim except for Chinese Father and Husband in England that was blackmailed (husband of high ranking shipping Port official wife) they abducted his wife and child and forced the wife read a script to the husband over the phone (utilised emotional and physical blackmail and just directly veiled and unveiled threats, I recommend you look up interviews from the husband) and if you look up the articles of the Confucius Institute from IDK 2011-2018 and have the ability to interpret from what the articles found you can tell the Confucius Institute, only has 1 purpose, to try and perpetuate the CCP's rule of China and stop and protest against their rule, specifically stopping Tiananmen Square type protests from ever happening again. The Tianamen Square Massacre was a global well known proverbial black eye to China that severely hampered every nation's diplomatic relations with China for close to half a century, and the CCP didn't like that as even Tyrants love swimming in money, also the CCP loves stealing technology through trade espionage, China's MAG Lev trains and their entire car industry is built off stolen technology from Western companies dumb enough to deal with companies owned by the CCP. Naturally the Chinese who have been or are being 'convinced' by the Confucius Institute are always the biggest promoters of Anti Freedom ideas, especially the death of Freedom of Speech via hate speech crime laws such as: incitement of violence laws (Victoria mainly), offensive Tweets, Facebook Posts, Instagram Posts,,, Goddamn Reddit posts all hopefully being made illegal and the Liberals God awful rich persons almost exclusive digital world referee, The new E-Safety Commisioner. And like all the God awful Tyrant Commissioner's from TV shows and books if the E-Safety commisoner ever... EVER gets in the hands of the Liberals again it will be used against the normal people of Australia to beat the collective will of normal free thinking Australian's to the ground if not to death. Only complete dumbass Liberal Supporters usually dumb beer drinking sky news watchers (usually fossils) and Young Adult Chinese University Students support ANY of the laws and speech referees I just mentioned.
Again please war h the video I linked at the tiop and if the Politcal State of the U.K interests you for whatever reason then I recommend: Count Dankular (his second channel) the first person in Scottish History tried and found guilty of 'Hate Speech'... from a freakin comedy video. Where he's mocking the very thing they charged him for supporting [funny pug salute video as a direct hint]), Jonathan Pie (excellent wit, fantastic satirist and insult wordsmith wizard, also very yelly, I like him) and lastly Jordan Shanks himself, the namesake of this subreddit, FriendlyJordies. Whenever he actually gets round to covering the U.K his analysis is excellent.
Also a guy from YouTube channel Sargon of Akkad though... fair warning, his videos are really boring but he is quite very articulate.
All Australians deserve the Right of Freedom of Speech. And unfortunately, on Reddit in particular I see far too many Tyrannical Speech Law sympathisers which I personally find truly disgusting and as much as I hate the authoritarian ideas you spout, I will defend your right to say and spread them. If your a real FriendlyJordies fan or agree with his ideas and rhetoric than I already know you support all Australians Right of 'Free Speech'.

24 F, TX. I started going to college when I was 16 because my high school paid for it. By the time I graduated my basics were done. I picked my major after the 2016 election, poltical science with a minor in history and I will say this is what I’m passionate about. I mean, I know it’s what all young people are passionate about. But I absolutely eat this shit up. Unfortunately I realized pretty quickly that I fucked myself. I do not want to be a lawyer. I don’t have the money or the GPA (I think I’m riding at a 2.5 and I blame that on not taking it seriously as a teenager) I just turned 24. I still don’t have a degree. I changed my major to computer science at one point, did a semester, then to social work for a semester. I fucking hate computer science. I’m great with computers and the go to IT girl at my job. I’ve had a computer and internet access since I was like 5 so it all comes second nature to me but computer science. I’ve tried to take the coding boot camps, I HATE them. I’m not good at following along at home or WFH. I fail miserably at both. I need someone to report to and to be afraid of lmao. I also have even less interest in healthcare, ANYTHING related to it. It’s literally what every woman down here does and they make stupid good money but it’s just..not for me. I don’t want to. I have a weak stomach on top of not having great customer service skills. I’ve been doing admin/office work for most of my twenties and I do enjoy it. I currently work at a nonprofit and it’s been a great place for me. My title is receptionist but I also do write their grants/all social media post and I think that’s my issue. None of my skills are high paying ones. I’m not interested in sales. Not to sound like a typical gen z’er, but it sounds stressful. I don’t want to have to meet certain quotas and be stressed over that. I would like something simple just 40-50 hours a week and the same paycheck every time. I have loved the non profit world and my personality type fits in perfect for it but I also know they pay caps out around $50,000 and that’s the high end unless you’re an ED or an actual grant writer. Money isn’t everything to me which is why I don’t want to leave my current job right now. I make $35,000 in a LCOL area and I have no student loans. I’m also just not an expensive person so I manage pretty well. I manage to read about a book a week at work, got a grant writing certificate while working, and when I was still taking classes, I could do all my HW/readings at work. My boss is an amazing person and I feel valued/cared for at my job. I started at $10 hr in October but have gotten 2 small raises since then on top of a $2k christmas bonus. I have no intention of leaving right now but i know the time will eventually come and I want to be prepared. I don’t want to just be a receptionist for the rest of my life (even though this is the job that keeps every buisness together and is highly important) Also, I have bipolar disorder. I manage well with a therapist but currently don’t take medication. I have disability accommodations with my school, when I go. I really do feel like this impacts my choices as well since it’s not something that’s going away. I never report this to any job and don’t plan to because of the stigma.

Howdy y'all, how's it going
As the title says, I'm hoping to get some recommendations or opinions based around window film. I've been trying to find answers to this on my own for weeks but have reached a point where I'd like some feedback from other people. My home has 4 huge south facing sliding windows (2 upstairs, 2 downstairs) and things have been really heating up here during the warmer season. I always see people searching for a type of window film that has "full privacy, UV reflection AND you can see through it" and I would like to specify that I don't care at all about visibility here. Really just trying to make our home as private and comfortable as possible as we don't have central AC.
Are there any window films/tints that offer heavy-duty heat reflection and as much privacy as possible? I don't care about needing to look out the windows, I can just slide one open if I need to. I've seen tons of films that only offer "daylight privacy" and I'm really not interested in that. I see that many "stained/frosted" type of window films are good for privacy but I am unsure to the quality of heat reflection they may provide.
I'm also looking into installing thermal curtains and outdoor shudders and maybe awnings as well.
Hopefully this isn't too much of a unicorn and I figured I'd ask you fine people for your opinions. Again, the only two criteria I really need here are 1. as much privacy as possible and 2. as much heat reflection as possible.
Thanks! 😁

English is not my first language, so please excuse any mistakes. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2.5 years and have been living together for the last year. A few weeks ago, I bought tickets for a concert that my BF wanted to go to. Yesterday, we went and it was great. The only problem was that we were a bit hungry from the beginning of the concert and there wasn't anything to eat. So we said we would go eat elsewhere after the concert ended. After the concert, we headed to a bar near our house that serves nice food. I wasn't that hungry because I was drinking (he was driving), but I had a nice time and didn’t want the night to end, it had been a while since we went on a proper date because we are both students. When we got there, there was a waiting list. My BF didn't want to wait because at this point he was starving, so we headed across the street to another place. They were closing, so my BF headed to Domino's. I told him I didn't want pizza, but he could go ahead and order, and I would just grab something when we got home. He offered to get something else for me that's not pizza, but I didn't want anything. It's worth adding that I was interested in getting something from those previous places because I like the food there. We eat pizza at least once a week because my BF loves pizza, but yesterday I wasn't hungry and just not in the mood for anything from there. When it was our turn to order, my BF ordered a large pizza and a meat sandwich (he is vegetarian, so it was obviously for me). I told him I didn't want anything and I wasn't going to eat it, but he didn't care. So I approached the lady who took his order and told her to cancel it. He told her to keep it, and we went on for an awkward minute. I took a chance and paid for the pizza just to make it over, only for him to place another order for a meat sandwich. I was so frustrated and furious because he was so stubborn and wouldn't listen to me, so I got out and started crying. When he came, he didn't understand why I was like this. I told him to stop thinking that he knows what's good for me better than I know. He said I was making a scene in front of people, that it was childish, and a new side of me that he hadn't seen. I didn't back down, and he said that I was walking on thin ice so I told him to break up with me…It wasn't pretty. We got the pizza and headed home. On the way home, I saw the events without a fight in my eyes, so I calmed down and was ready to talk about it. I don't remember what we talked/fought about when we got home, but it ended with him coming to hug me while I was crying. Today, I had to get up early to visit my parents (it was a planned visit), and we talked on the phone to clear the air. My BF thinks he did nothing wrong. He said that I overreacted and he wanted to do a nice thing for me. He didn't want me to have nothing to eat while we sat together and he ate. He also said that 80% of the time when I say I don't want to eat, I end up having a slice. I told him that it's true, but this was obviously not the same case because I was so clear that I didn't want it, and he could tell that. This is not the first time he has done something like this (I'm not going to get into the previous time, but it has to do with him meddling in my school work. He knows it was wrong on his part, and he took responsibility for it). I told him he was being controlling and toxic. He said that I'm influenced by my parents' relationship and that he is not like this. All he wanted was to give me something to eat, and sometimes in a relationship, people make decisions on their own, and he believed my reaction was way out of proportion. I agreed that it wasn't a big deal on its own, but it built up with all the other things. I wanted to know why he insisted on ordering that sandwich when he had a chance to drop it. I said it looked like he wanted to show me who is the boss, and after I pushed him for an answer, he said that he didn't want to give in in front of people and that it wasn't my place to meddle with his order in the first place because he was the one having the conversation and he was planning on buying it, so I have no say in it. We got to the part where each thinks he is right. He kept telling me to tell the story to an outsider so I can get some perspective. So, what do you think? Who is in the wrong here?

Hi everyone, I posted here a few days ago looking to spread some good vibes and am hoping someone somewhere would be willing to send some in return.
Background: I had a sacroiliac joint fusion scheduled for today for 2 months after two years of advocating for myself as a 32-year-old female in agony. Already have had another spinal fusion in my neck.
I received a call yesterday from the surgical coordinator at my surgeons office that my insurance (Cigna) had not received PSYCHIATRIC EVAL CLEARANCE from my PCP that a psychological condition was not causing the perception of pain. My primary submitted everything but it was still "pending" as of this morning, so the surgery was cancelled as we were 15 minutes away from the hospital, which is over an hour drive for us.
Apparently Cigna is one of a handful of insurance companies that require this type of evidence for SI fusions only. I am devastated. I have a reschedule date of July 14th and am promised all will be set then. But it FUCKING SUCKS. My husband had to put in for the day off a month ago, my kids have been a wreck and now I have to postpone the inevitable and prolong their apprehension, I have been the primary caretaker for my mother who is bedridden from similarly extensive joint degeneration and recently had to admit her and discharge her within 72 hours of a nursing home comparable to hell on earth all because of this surgery. We have a new caretaker hired, had enrolled my daughter in early morning school care for the remainder of her school days. I am just so frustrated by the entire scenario.
I have anxiety managed through medication and had become an alcoholic due to the pain from this condition but am stabally managed on naltrexone (7 months sober!)
But you're right, Cigna. Perhaps the unrelenting pain I have every form of documentation for diagnostically may be wrong and it is all a fabrication due to my mental health. Fuck. Off.
Sorry everyone, but I knew I could post here because I'm sure others have had to deal with similar insurance issues, especially if they're in the US. If this isn't allowed here I apologize and feel free to remove it, I feel better getting these thoughts out. I don't know if it's because I'm a woman of childbearing age or the fact that I have documented mental disorders, but this all feels very discriminatory and quite honestly, patriarchal.
Love to all you lovely witches and wishing everyone a safe and happy pride✌️ 🌈 🏳️‍🌈 💙 🤍 💕

First: https://redd.it/11e34ce
Previous: https://redd.it/142fe2y
Chapter 32
As Mae had previewed, the weeks that passed since the incident in the Logistics Bay were fraught with speculation and feeding the rumor mill. Quin felt he couldn’t walk ten paces on Nemo before meeting some askance gaze of a crewmember or hearing the murmurings of a conversation that abruptly stopped when he would round a corner. Mae was right though that, after a while, the incident became old news and the ruckus died down a bit. Certainly, there was always an inappropriate joke to be had during dinner or dark looks from certain members of the crew, but as the time passed, people turned once again to daily happenings onboard, when the next stopover would take place, and the perennial favorite: who happened to be sleeping with whom.
This last item tended to occupy people to no end, and Quin felt a bit unfortunate that this news also pertained him. Mae and Liza’s breakup and the apparent spat that he and Pepper had ran through the corridors just as fast as the news about Nova. Quin was honestly unsure which conversation he dreaded being brought up more. It seemed that individuals he had never or barely even met knew more about his world than he himself was aware. It was during one of these conversations with two people from the Engineering section that Quin accidently lost it and stormed off, an act he regretted immediately for furthering the gossip chain.
“So is it true that you had to hold Mae back so she wouldn’t punch Liza?” the guy had asked.
”What? NO. What the hell?” Quin responded, flabbergasted.
“Well, I heard from someone in the officer’s corridor that there was yelling and someone got hit. Do you know who got punched?” The other person was practically on their toes with anticipation.
“NO ONE GOT PUNCHED!” Quin shouted, ready to leave the conversation as soon as possible.
“Jeez, why are you yelling?” as the first person, blind to Quin’s growing frustration.
“Don’t you know, Liza’s friend broke up with him the next day because of the fight?” The second person remarked to the first, now completely cutting Quin out of the conversation.
“WE WEREN’T EVEN DATING! WHAT THE HELL?!” Quin screamed, turned on his heels and stormed off to nowhere in particular.
Thankfully, this was probably the worst interaction he had had as a result of those unfortunate few days, aside from the actual conversations themselves that he experienced with Pepper and Nova themselves. He would have appreciated any interaction with either of them at all, if he was honest. The silent treatment from the both of them was practically unbearable. Mae’s words of encouragement, “Time, give it time,” only helped so much when he would pass by Pepper in the corridors or when he had to work directly with Nova during his long shifts in the lab. Nova had limited their conversations to something like a comment box, dropping in parcels of a conversation to the syslog, to be taken up at her leisure and delivered at inconvenient times in the middle of the night. But at the very least, Nova was responding, albeit specifically for work and solely related to their responsibilities together. Pepper, on the other hand, was completely mute. Painfully so, Quin noted as she passed by him going into the cafeteria and didn’t even afford him a glance.
The level of complete non-interaction with Pepper and the invasion into his life by everyone else was beginning to wear on him, and he felt more cut off from the rest of the crew than ever before. He had stopped visiting Bostwick’s chamber for fear of the look of pity that the Commander often wore when passing by him. At least Mae had somewhat of a ‘tough love’ approach to cheering him up. Bostwick’s uncompromising warmth and sympathetic looks made Quin feel guilty rather than comforted, and shameful rather than encouraged. In fact, in the two and a half weeks that passed since Nemo had left the Rhea stopover and Quin passed the night under the watch of the Commander, Quin had only exchanged glances with Bostwick.
Then there was the insomnia. At first, Quin felt nothing but lethargy as he felt the different components of his life crumble around him. The inability to communicate with Tess, the intolerable pity of Mae and Bostwick, the unbearable silence from Pepper and Nova, the frustration expressed by the command staff, and the whispers and side-eyes from the rest of the crew all contributed to the complete physical and mental shutdown he experienced after leaving Rhea. He would steal away to his chamber during break periods to nap, and he would skip meals in order to stay in his room, profiting from the odd bits of food Mae snuck out of the cafeteria. However, after several days of feeling an inability to motivate himself to be out of bed, he started to find that he would lie awake, staring at the ceiling, or glancing at the clock and fretting that it was already 4:00 in the morning.
It was on one of these early mornings that Quin saw the numbers 3:22 at the top of his tablet, and he felt as if it would be impossible for him to find any sleep that night. He had laid down in bed at 22:05 with every intention of forcing a good night’s sleep, but with five hours passing by and no respite coming, he sat up on the edge of his bed and rubbed his eyes a bit. He figured that the coffee station in the kitchen would probably have some hot water with which to make tea, and that could possibly help him. He threw his jumpsuit and boots on and strolled out of the room.
The ship was deserted and peaceful, the type of quiet that Quin relished. It was almost trance-inducing, the soft hum of the ship that Quin felt coming through the very walls themselves. He felt the sound reverberate through him and it was soothing. He set off toward the kitchen. The sleet grey walls of Nemo’s interior usually made for a serious backdrop, but at this hour, it had the effect of dimming the corridors and adding to the sleepy atmosphere of the ship. He stuffed his hands deep in his pockets and followed the sleek lines of the hallways with his eyes as he passed. He came upon the cafeteria doors and walked by them to skirt the main room. He was heading for the back area, the sparkling room with gleaming metal and white tile and a peaceful getaway. Upon swiping his arm against the pad, though, he found that the space was already occupied. A voice greeted him before he had an opportunity to look up.
“Hey Quin, can’t sleep? Is it another bad dream?” Bostwick was sitting on a stool with a steaming cup of coffee in his hand and his illuminated tablet resting on one of the food prep work tables. The man had a weary look around his eyes but Quin could still discern the warmth that emanated from the wrinkles near his temples and the large smile he wore. Quin froze, unsure whether to step into the room and submit himself to another round of pity or try to find some excuse for leaving and head back to his room. In his uncertainty, he ended up standing in the doorway, causing the automatic doors to try to swish shut but freezing and retracting, over and over again.
“Well? Are you just going to stand there, mouth agape, or are you going to come get something to drink like you had planned?” Bostwick said with an eyebrow raised, his mouth now reflecting a knowing smirk. Slowly, Quin trudged into the room, his hands clenched in his pockets as he tried to suppress the nerves that were boiling in his stomach. He gingerly walked over to the coffee station and put a tea bag in a cup and pressed the release valve to allow boiling water to fall over it. Then he set the cup down to steep. He kept his eyes fixed on the surface of the brewing tea, though he felt the hair on the nape of his neck stand as he guarded himself for Bostwick’s eventual conversation starter. But after a minute, it didn’t come. Quin stood there watching the deep brown tea diffuse throughout the water but did not hear a word come from Bostwick. Hesitantly, Quin looked around and saw Bostwick tapping on his tablet, seemingly composing a message.
Quin shuffled his feet a bit before clearing his throat lightly. Without even looking up, Bostwick said, “I’m able to read signs, Quin. If you don’t want to talk to me, I’m more than happy to oblige your intention to be left alone.”
Quin’s eyes shot up to look at Bostwick, who kept on typing as if he hadn’t spoken. Quin was left a bit taken aback. Oh hell, he thought, is it that obvious or can he read my mind? He shuffled again and then picked up his tea cup. Quick, say something, you idiot, his mind was screaming at him as he struggled to put together his words.
“Look, uh, Commander, I—“ Quin started, but was immediately cut off.
“Louis, but please continue,” Bostwick said, looking up at him and smiling.
Whatever momentum Quin had built up in trying to speak, he lost it with Bostwick’s interruption. He started to second-guess even his need to speak if Bostwick was going to be able to anticipate the conversation. His mentor apparently picked up on his nervousness, because he relieved Quin’s tension by taking up what was going through Quin’s head.
“Quin, listen, I understand that you feel like you want to be left alone,” Bostwick said, his tone soft and unassailing. “And I’m sensing that you feel a bit embarrassed about being vulnerable in front of me. That’s a totally normal human feeling. I hope you aren’t feeling, though, that I overstepped any boundaries by not waking you up immediately when you fell asleep in my room?”
“No, uh, Louis, it’s not that,” Quin said abashedly.
“Good, I’m glad. So if you are feeling ashamed about the way I show that I care about you, please just tell me, and we can talk about how I can change that.”
Again, Quin was at a loss for words. It’s not that I don’t want him to care about me, he thought, it’s that I want him to be mad. Why wasn’t he angry at all? That I could deal with. But he’s so kind that I feel like I want to scream. Quin lifted his eyes and finally met Bostwick’s own piercing gaze. Bostwick seemed to interpret the silence and took up the conversation again.
“Unless…perhaps you are feeling ashamed about your own reaction?” Bostwick posited. “Quin, it’s almost the twenty-third century, well actually, for everyone not aboard this ship, it already is. We are long past the cultural stereotype of men not being able to cry. I’d say that your expression of deep emotion is quite masculine, and I for one would—“
Quin interrupted him, “No, Louis, it’s not that either.”
Bostwick fell silent for a moment, then continued gently, “Okay, again, if you wouldn’t like to discuss it right now, you can simply have your tea and we can sip our respective beverages in silence. Though I will note that a 3am excursion raises all sorts of eyebrows that a lesser XO would rush to conclusions. Thankfully for you, I’m not a lesser XO.” He ended with a smirk, returning to his tablet with a very self-satisfied look on his face.
Quin let the silence fill the room again as he turned his cup in his hands, the warmth slowly radiating through his cold fingertips and seemingly giving him a bit of courage. After a moment, he slowly walked over to the work table and set his cup down. Again, without looking up, Bostwick pulled a stool out from underneath the table and pushed it toward Quin. Quin couldn’t help but smile a bit at Bostwick’s level of tact in assuming. He took the proffered stool and plopped himself down, elbows on the work table and eyes fixed on the tea cup. Hesitantly, he glanced at Bostwick, who was humming a tune and slowly shaking his head back and forth in rhythm as he completed his message and hit the send button.
Quin cleared his throat and made his attempt, “Commander, uh sorry, Louis, it’s not that I don’t appreciate everything. I really do. I just…I was just wishing you would be less…I don’t know…understanding? A little more mad?”
“I have no intention of being mad at you Quin. That would be counterproductive and a waste of energy. Wouldn’t you say?”
“Well, I um, what do you mean?” Quin shook his head as his eyes fell.
“I’d imagine that your self-imposed reclusion and the restrictions imposed by Captain Fuentes would be a sufficient punishment, and you are probably looking for a friendly face, especially after things with Ensign Jefferson, erm, Pepper, have recently soured. That would leave you with Mae to seek some company and I daresay that Lieutenant Rohlwing has her own mission responsibilities and personal tumult to deal with, no?”
Quin was staring with his mouth open at Bostwick, who yet again was wearing a rather pleased smirk on his face. How in the hell did he know all of that? Quin thought, unable to keep an astounded look off his face.
Bostwick chuckled, then seemingly replied to Quin’s thought, “You people think the command staff are a bunch of old farts out of touch with the inner workings of the social network among you youths, but I too hear things. I have my spies on board.”
Quin laughed, causing Bostwick to perk up a bit, “Oh alright,” he rejoiced, arms up in the air. “Ten points to Bostwick for making the moody one laugh.”
Quin laughed more heartily and took a sip of his tea. When he looked back up he saw Bostwick was staring at him with an encouraging look on his face, as if to say May I keep asking questions? Quin sipped his tea again and nodded softly, almost to himself as he continued to chuckle.
“So, I take it you and Ms. Jefferson have not spoken much since we set off from Rhea?” Bostwick asked, eyebrow raised.
“No, that would require her wanting to speak to me,” Quin said dryly.
“How do you know she doesn’t want to speak to you?” Bostwick asked.
“Well, she seems to avoid or ignore me, so I’m trying to take the hint,” Quin said, trying to be nonchalant in his tone.
“Do you still like her?” Bostwick continued.
“Yeah, a lot. I thought we were doing well, really well on Rhea, but I said some stupid things in defending Mae to her, and I know I need to apologize, but she basically called me a coward, she said I needed to ‘grow a spine.’” Quin quickly gave Bostwick the back and forth of what constituted Pepper and his last conversation.
“I don’t think you are a coward. You do have a tendency to take your relationships with everyone very seriously, which is for the most part endearing, but I can see how she would find that stubbornness a bit frustrating when she is trying to argue with it.”
“So now you are on her side?” Quin said sharply.
“I wouldn’t dare try to take her side, but you don’t need to bite my head off for trying to give you some advice. I can see it’s not welcome though,” Bostwick said flatly, falling silent.
“No…wait, I’m sorry,” Quin said, changing his tone immediately. “Please, Louis, help me. What should I do?”
“An honest apology to start, you would be surprised how far being honest and sincere gets you. People seem to forget that. Then I would try to start seeing Ms. Jefferson outside of your interactions with Mae and Liza. Give yourselves something to talk about other than your common friends. That way you don’t revert into difficult territory immediately.”
“Like what?” Quin asked. “Watch a movie with her or something?”
“That being your strong, go-to approach, sure you could start there,” Bostwick said. “As an extra hint, I hear that the kitchen has some late-night snacks stashed away back here, and if you know someone, you can get good movie food. You could even, you know, call it a date or something. Don’t be afraid to ask her to do something at the next stopover too. Again, call it a date. If she sees you taking her seriously like you do everything else, she’ll probably appreciate you being intentional about it. That’s my guess. Anyway, Cronus is supposed to be a little bit more of an open schedule, so you can be more creative.”
Bostwick was making all sorts of sense. His was the type of advice that Quin had been looking for all along. Quin found himself shaking his head, as he processed everything. Bostwick seemed to misinterpret it.
“What? You’re thinking a different approach?” he said, a bit surprised.
“NO! No, sorry, it’s just…I’ve been such an idiot. That’s really good advice, I’ve just been stupid not talking to you. I don’t know why,” Quin finished, again shaking his head.
“Because you are young, and you guys don’t like getting romantic advice from someone your parents’ age,” Bostwick said, smiling.
“You aren’t that old,” Quin said, “I know we joke about it, but you can’t be more than…”
Bostwick laughed. “Be careful how you finish that sentence, Mr. Hammond.”
“Well, anyway, you aren’t that old. You just…I don’t know, you have this way about you, it made me want to avoid you. I felt ashamed that you were being all sympathetic, and it made me blind to the fact that I really needed to talk to you. What I mean is, you are a good listener, and I forgot that when I was unable to think straight. I felt all of these things happening around me, and you were there when that stuff happened with Nova. I know you were just trying to be nice. I’m sorry I was such an ass.”
“Well, if you were looking for honest and sincere apologies, Quin, you just found yourself one,” Bostwick said, putting his hand on Quin’s shoulder. “Change it up a little to be specific for her, and I’m sure you will have a good result. Don’t forgot to take care of yourself when you are trying to fix everything else, you know? It’s not possible to be perfect, so don’t make yourself sick in trying to be.”
“Yeah, right,” Quin said softly. “I wish I could fix everything, just like that.” He snapped his fingers.
“That would be nice, but unfortunately, we aren’t computers, and life isn’t all math problems. Sometimes life just needs time and a bit of decent humanity.” The two of them were silent for a little while as Quin stewed in his thoughts. Despite the hour, he was wide awake and appreciative of his little night excursion. After the pause had continued much longer than Quin expected, he looked up and saw Bostwick studying him. The man opened his mouth and then hesitated, before beginning tenderly, “Speaking of, how are things going with Nova?”
Quin sighed a bit, collecting his thoughts. Then he decided it was for the best and recounted to Bostwick the last conversation that Nova and he had face to face. The two of them had really not spoken since that evening some weeks ago. As Quin was narrating the story to Bostwick, the Commander was slightly chuckling and shaking his head. Astounded, Quin finished his story and confronted Bostwick.
“What’s so funny?” he demanded. “You’ve been laughing the entire time.”
“She’s quite brilliant, you know,” Bostwick said, scratching his forehead, eyes wide. “She presents these neat little ethical quandaries as if they were nothing and yet, scientists and philosophers have been asking the same types of questions about artificial intelligence for maybe two hundred years. It’s only now that we have got a being that is the walking and talking example of that.”
“Yeah, well, she’s another one that’s not talking to me,” Quin said.
“Well, Quin, I’m afraid I must give you the same advice. You should apologize. In her view, and I think objectively, you were somewhat of, if I may borrow your words, ‘an ass.’”
“This time I think you are definitely taking her side,” Quin said, sourly.
“Indeed. You created her. She takes her direction from you. You are kind of like her father, her brother, her friend, and her crewmate all rolled into one. The obligations of any one of those roles would be enough to say you needed to be there for her, and unfortunately you found yourself too busy being in your own head. Perhaps this is the root of your problem with both Ms. Jefferson and Nova. You are so busy letting everything weigh on you, being worried all the time, that you are unable to focus externally and be present for other people.” Quin’s eyes were downcast, his shoulders slumped. Well, if this is his form of a closing pick-me-up, I don’t think it’s working, Quin thought, sighing deeply.
“Fortunately,” Bostwick continued suddenly, “I think the solution is relatively simple and similar. You need to apologize to Nova, sincerely this time, and you need to spend some time with her, outside of work, so that you can normalize being around her. If your point was that you sometimes forget that she is only part human, then you need to do more human things with her in order to sensitize yourself to how she acts. She shouldn’t have to change for you, it should be the other way around. She can’t just be a mantelpiece in your career, Quin. She thinks.”
Quin sighed aloud, saying, “Yet again, another piece of sound advice from the ever-so-sage Commander Bostwick. And yet again, the solution is that I was wrong.”
Bostwick laughed. “Well, welcome to being an adult, my friend. Everything is complicated and you are usually wrong.” He patted Quin on the back. “Sarcasm aside, it’s okay to be wrong, just own up to it.”
Quin nodded slightly, acknowledging Bostwick’s counsel. The room was silent for a bit longer. The Commander downed his cup of coffee and looked into it, as if inspecting the bottom.
“You know what,” he said, looking up. “I think I’m going to have some tea too, but I’ve been keen to try some of the apple honey they brought me, you want some?” Quin nodded slowly, lost in his thought. Honey, he said to himself, honey, something about…honey.
“Can you believe they make all of this on Rhea?” Bostwick said over his shoulder. “I honestly can’t understand how their entire ecosystem, let alone their economy, operates off apples. It’s nuts.” Bostwick chuckled to himself. “Sorry for the pun.” Apples and honey, Quin’s brain was churning, but at this hour it was too fuzzy. …and honey.
He set two new cups down in front of them, still steaming and with the tea infusers bobbing around on the surface. He pulled a jar down from one of the kitchen cabinets and ladled a small bit of honey into each cup. After stirring a bit, Bostwick took a sip and smacked his lips, grinning satisfactorily at Quin.
“Oh my, that’s so good,” Bostwick said, relishing the taste as he took another draw. “You should drink it while it’s hot.”
Quin brought the cup to his lips mechanically, though he could have sworn that he was missing something. He felt himself distracted by Louis enjoying his cup of tea, the early hour, and the lack of a good night’s sleep for several days. I could have sworn that I just remembered something, he thought, growing frustrated at the lack of ability of his brain to recall what it was that was escaping him. Resigning himself, he took a long swig, his eyes closing automatically when the taste of the sweet and sour apple-tinged honey hit his lips. Instantly, he was transported back onto Rhea, where he savored several fleeting moments of being away and being happy. Unfortunately, his happiness was suddenly ripped away from the call from Nemo. What I wouldn’t give to be back there to have some more time with Pepper and Mae, he thought while recollecting the honey tasting in the orchard. He remembered the smile on Pepper’s face, how infectious it was, and Mae’s giggling at him.
“Hmm,” Bostwick said into the silence, “it’s just about time that the command deck wakes up. Some of the buzzing should start soon.”
“Buzzing?” Quin asked distantly, almost half-consciously.
“Sorry, yeah, buzzing. Message traffic. Unfortunately, a lot of the lingo revolves around bees.”
“Bees?” Quin asked, his brain slowly coming to.
“Yeah, bees,” Bostwick said, studying Quin curiously. “You know, Captain Fuentes being the Queen, the Deck being the hive, that sort of thing.”
“Bees!” Quin exclaimed.
“What?” Bostwick demanded, flabbergasted.
“Louis! BEES!” Quin shouted, shooting off his stool and slamming his cup down.
“Quin, I don’t-“ Bostwick began, but Quin wasn’t listening. The young man half-sprinted out of the room.
“BEES!” Quin shouted again, his face mixed with a smile and intense concentration.
“Okay, Mr. Cage,” Bostwick said, chuckling and shaking his head, his eyes and mouth reflecting a knowing smile as he watched Quin run out of the room.

Here's a link to the comment I'm replying to.

All right, If I'm not mistaken, you're of the sort whose opinions aren't necessarily dependent on any real life facts, someone that no matter what favors the dictations of his own ideological principles over reality. But for the sake of those few people that will read this, I'll respond to your comment, as I think this is an important topic.

I'd be interested to see the statistics.

Well, sure, here's one study that mentions it. And for those reading, here's a short extraction from the study's summary: *In all developed countries, women, especially mothers, work fewer paid hours than their spouses. Which is a kinda silly discussion since it's pretty widely known that women generally choose less time demanding careers than men; take jobs in the scientific field and manager positions, for example (here's a study mentioning this, and here's another). And I mean, logically speaking, if this wasn't the case, tell me who would be home taking care of the children? If you don't understand how much of a challenge it is for women to balance between children's care-giving and their career, then you have some serious self-education to do.

I'm fairly certain that woman are pursuing and completing post-secondary education in greater numbers than men. Again, I'd be interested in seeing you statistics.

[For this comment, I'll borrow from an answer of mine, to some other comment on this post, here it goes.] This is true in the sense that modern western universities are experiencing a larger number of female students, and at the same time a decline in male students. But, which is a pretty relevant but, the majority of women will not pursue 'scientific' careers in the same scale as men do (here's a link to one study where this is mentioned). Not to mention the fact that the majority of women will sacrifice their careers for the sake of spending more time with their children. Those factors combined create the aforementioned pattern of men being more 'scholar' than women, since most women's studies will be of secondary importance to them in relationship to the requirements of their motherhood. A side note is that I probably should've used the word 'scholar' instead of 'academic'; I excuse myself with the fact that english is my third language.

Again, I'd love to see the source for it. I'm not saying it's untrue. But it seems to be the center of your argument.

I already linked studies on this subject. But seriously, if you need a scientific study to explain to you that women's time spent with their children necessarily take away from their pursuits of scholarly endeavors, then I'm not sure what a scientific study can do for you. Do you read a scientific paper relating to the human necessity of taking a dump, before you squat down to do your business, as well? It's funny how it's the most fact-denying people that will be the ones mostly prepared to demand proof deemed by them to be 'scientific', in an argument where they don't have anything other than their ideological rigidity on their sides.

I feel I gave you two examples of characters that well represent motherhood.

I'm not talking about if women are portrayed in a positive or negative light, but rather how realistic their portrayal is. And as I wrote in reply to other comments on this post, motherhood is a sort of 'sideshow' or 'hobby' throughout The Stormlight Archives series. Which isn't a realistic portrayal of real life women. And here's another study for you, mentioning the fact that more women than men deem their families to be the most important aspects of their lives. Which makes motherhood neither a hobby nor a sideshow in women's lives.

I honestly don't understand how youve come to this conclusion. Hesina's character is centered in motherhood. Navani is a mother with grown children. That doesn't make motherhood a hobby or side hustle by any means.

It's hard to talk about Navani and Hesina precisely for the fact that their children are grown up. But when it comes to Navani, for example, it's hardly a good portrayal of women at all, since throughout 2 books and a half, I haven't got a single memory of her acting in a motherly way towards neither one of her children. So where's the motherly character, whose personality is worthy of the aforementioned study? I mean, let me ask you, if you grew up with both your parents, when you were a little child, did your mother spend equal time taking care of and working/studying?

Which one of the female characters is the perfect woman? Which one is meant to be presented as a perfect person? The entire series is about people being flawed.

'Perfect' as a synonym to the word 'ideal'. Although all of his characters have their flaws and struggles, there is definitely a pattern of idealism in the Alethi society, for example, that matches his left-leaning ideology. One simple example is 'logic' and 'scholarship' are ideals of that society. Which clearly is an attempt to show how functional such a society would be: which implicit tells the reader that real world's society's gender specific choices are nothing but a consequence of culture. A claim with very little basis in reality, which clearly goes against the studies I linked to this reply.

Not every woman is a mother, that does not make them less real. All of the women he has portrayed could be considered real. They do not need to be mothers to be real women. Again I would argue that Hesina is a representation of true motherhood.

First of all, I never said that women need to be mothers to be real women, so that's a shameless strawman from your side; and I don't believe it either. But you present exceptions to the rule as if they were the rule. The typical postmodernist reasoning. No, not all women are mothers, but most women are, at some point in their lives. And yes, all women portrayed in the series could be considered real, variation is real, yes. But my problem is the ratio of Sandersons portrayal, when it comes to relevant characters. Sorry but no, most women in real life are not scholars and warriors.

This leaves me feeling like you are just trolling. Motherhood =/= women's true personalities. There are many women who's identity is centered on being a mother and there are many that are not. This idea is you doing exactly what you are accusing Sanderson of. You seem to be projecting your ideals of what being a woman is as the real or true woman.

Once again, you're strawmanning me. I'm not saying that motherhood is women's true personality. What I'm saying is that women generally tend to view motherhood as the most important aspect of their lives. And in the broader context of my criticism of The Stormlight Archive: Sanderson's portrayal of motherhood as a sort of 'hobby' in women's lives, make the series portrayal of women fall short of being realistic. That's all.