Happy day gif

She is 4.5 months old. It was.so.hard. with triple feeding from the begining due to poor latch. At one point I had to rebuild my supply and it took weeks of battle.If You know how mentally ( and physically!) draining is this game of pumping more for a mere 0.5 oz more when You need it - You know.
Recently I had to be with LO for about two weeks completely alone with no help. I didnt pump 8 times a day at this point but 5 and still I almost went coockoo.
Anyway. Baby started to eat more eagerly from breast finally, I started to offer it at night instead of bottles with great results. I control with an app how much milk I produce so I know it is not more than before ( a bit less actually, maybe 12+ oz a day), and still more and more is left in the fridge everyday.
So...i guess my journey is maybe getting near an end? But I am so scared of finishing, its almost like a Stockholm syndrome. When I summoned all my power to go down from 5 to 4 ppd, which was my dream, I wasnt even happy. For me it is, like, if one is innocent and after 4 months of Gulag goes to "just" prison... I am not "happy".
And I am so scared that I will drop more pumps and then something will come up and I will end up with no milk supply. I dont have it in me to rebuild it again, this will be just game over. If someone can relate please share.

I just finished the 15th season of Supernatural and oh my.... It was happy, sad, fulfilling, and unfulfilling all at once. I don't even know what to say. It's been an adventure. I started SPN just over 2 years ago, and now I've seen the boys grow up. Anyone else feel this way after finishing it? I've heard some say they didn't like it, and I guess I can see why but at the same time I can't. I'm not sure what to think. Supernatural was the only show I enjoyed and right now I feel odd. Idk, just wanted to share this somewhere. Yay... I guess. Have a good day y'all.

Significant note: ONLY MESSAGE ME IF you're 21+ years old (NO MINORS) and from the U.S (due to the difference in timezones past 3 hours). I'm on Pacific standard timezone so I would like to talk with you if you're from CST, PST, or MST. I'm not interested in NSFW, drugs, alcohol or talking about politics either so DON'T contact me if you like those things
I know I sure would like this! As I hate not having anyone to chat with (aside from my bf, he's got his friends but I STILLL don't got mine!) and share fun things I love! I'd love to have someone to do Spotify sessions with, so that we can use the 'blend' feature and introduce each other to brand new music we've never heard before. Please don't ask me to share playlists, as that's not how I roll. I'd rather us both listen together, it's just better that way imo. I like to play this game on my PC called cyber hunter, it's an addictive and underrated battle royale. I'm not looking for a gaming buddy aside from that game tho! I also would be down to possibly watch things on YouTube or even watch movies or something from time to time. What I'd really like to do is have a few close friends so that we can talk on the phone once we get to know each other for quite a long while. I'd definitely love to talk to others and learn things I never knew before! Which is one of the top reasons why I still throw my hat into the ring on here. Please understand that it takes time to warm up to someone and I do not want to feel forced to doing something. So don't push me to do voice chats right away or I may not respond anymore!
I'm someone who likes to be supportive of their friends and just be there for them. I like being able to recommend things I think would be helpful if someone is in need. I also am open to listening to you vent and giving you advice! I'd just hope this isn't all that we do as there's more to a friendship than constantly talking about our problems. I like to send and receive long, well thought out messages as opposed to short ones. I'm big into having deep and meaningful conversations over small chat any day. I also love hearing stories and even talking about stuff that's happened to me. I respond fairly fast, however reddit is really broken so I don't quite get notifs anymore. I'd be more than happy to move off this app once we've been talking for quite a long while. I don't like moving immediately off the app, so again do not try to pressure me to do things I don't want to do. We gotta respect each other's boundaries and develop trust afterall!
As for what I'm looking for in a friend, I'd hope you could be kind, respectful, communicative, consistent and thoughtful! Of course other things too but these are all key! I'm not really looking to be friends with anyone who isn't open to chatting all throughout the days/nights. I understand that everyone's schedules vary, but I'm more than happy to make time for others. Whether I am busy or not, I always make sure to get back to people I enjoy talking to. So I expect that you also want to do the same with me! I'm also a night owl, so it's very much preferred you're one too as I never have anyone to chat with before I sleep. And I miss having those epic 3 am chats where you both can't stop chatting because the convos are just that good.
Anyways, I'll leave a bit about me then pass it off to you! Please make sure that you put some effort into your messages because... Well, if you don't I most likely won't respond to you. I don't have patience to talk to brick walls and people who expect me to do all the talking. I work best when I can go with the flow of all my conversations, rather than constantly asking back and forth questions. Feel free to check out the other posts on my profile if my interests I list are not enough here!
Some things I'm really into right now: across the spider verse, guardians of the Galaxy 3, squishmallows, thrifting, reading comics, binge watching TV shows and movies, listening to music, going out/going for walks, being in nature/taking nature pictures, playing pool, playing tabletop, playing games on my modded ps vita, PC, and PS5, etc.

So, I got passed down an iPhone 3GS (purchased in 2009) by my cousin in 2015 (when I was 9💀). It didn’t activate so he took it back, probably got it unlocked and jailbroken by some shop and gave it to me. I was happy and used it for about 6 months. I was really into tech and somehow was able to know stuff about cydia and used it to even customise the oldie. But while doing something with the config plist or smth, I deleted it and rebooted the phone and boom it went into a bootloop. Then I returned it to him along with its charger but he returned it back but he forgot the cable and the charger. The thing was left to collect dust for 8 years straight until I had a thought to revive it (now in 2023). Now that I’ve done restoring my other iPhones (SE2 and 11 specifically), I had some idea about how to IPSW flash and stuff. So, I ordered a 30-pin cable from Amazon (it was a cheap local cable and to my surprise it did the job). I spent a whole day figuring that thing out because sometimes I was thrown an error at, sometimes the restore would fail. I had to remove, reinstall various iTunes versions and finally I was able to restore iOS 6.1.6 on it but still it wasn’t over. I still had to hacktivate it. Tried a lot but Windows 11 just didn’t work with Redsn0w. So, the thing which worked was a Windows 7 VM. Redsn0w did the hacktivation part. Then I had to install ultrasn0w from someone else’s repo who had it (since repo666 been down for a long time). Now, it’s fully functional (I also did downgrade it from iPad baseband) and I’m really happy because it brought back some good old memories. That was all I had to say. Peace ✌️!

i was diagnosed BPD almost 2 years ago at 16, i’ve been single or not in serious relationships since then and even before then i hadnt been in a super serious relationship since i was 14 so idk if this is “normal”…
me and this girl met on hinge and instantly had a very very good connection and talked 24/7, she made me forget all the shit in my life and i was just happy and it felt like i was in love. now i’m lucky to get a few texts a day and i’ve been over thinking for days, does she hate me ? was this all bullshit ? and i fucking hate her for letting me get so close to her and then being distant. but at the same time whenever she texts me i get so happy only for it to be washed away with a bad feeling of abandonment and being ignored while i wait for a response
is this normal ????? idk what to do ??? will i ever be able to love someone a normal amount without them consuming my entire brain ??? i feel like i’ll never be loved the same as i love someone and i hate it.

Not sure if this is normal or I should be worried. My cat is 11 years old, we've had her since she was 2 weeks old (we found her and her siblings wandering in a parking lot without mama).
She's recently started yowling all the time.. She used to meow loud for food, she LOVES eating and she'd eat herself to death if she could. We had her tested to thyroid issues but everything is normal. But this is YOWLING. We hear her across the house. She'll sit outside our bedroom door at 11pm doing it, or sit at the top of the stairs.
It isn't mealtime, the door to her litter box room is open, and she has water. I always check. I read old cats sometimes so it because they are having difficulty hearing or seeing, but that is not the case for her; I've tested it. If we give her attention, she's happy for a few minutes but then starts again.
Her behavior hasn't changed other than this. She's playful, runs around with her ball, is drinking and eating normally, doesn't sleep more than usual, her mobility is fine (meaning she is able to jump and run as usual).
Why is she yelling so much?! Should I bring her to the vet or has she just decided, in her old age, that it's her job to sing the song of her people every 2 hours of the day?

Significant note: ONLY MESSAGE ME IF you're 21+ years old (NO MINORS) and from the U.S (due to the difference in timezones past 3 hours). I'm on Pacific standard timezone so I would like to talk with you if you're from CST, PST, or MST. I'm not interested in NSFW, drugs, alcohol or talking about politics either so DON'T contact me if you like those things
I know I sure would like this! As I hate not having anyone to chat with (aside from my bf, he's got his friends but I STILLL don't got mine!) and share fun things I love! I'd love to have someone to do Spotify sessions with, so that we can use the 'blend' feature and introduce each other to brand new music we've never heard before. Please don't ask me to share playlists, as that's not how I roll. I'd rather us both listen together, it's just better that way imo. I like to play this game on my PC called cyber hunter, it's an addictive and underrated battle royale. I'm not looking for a gaming buddy aside from that game tho! I also would be down to possibly watch things on YouTube or even watch movies or something from time to time. What I'd really like to do is have a few close friends so that we can talk on the phone once we get to know each other for quite a long while. I'd definitely love to talk to others and learn things I never knew before! Which is one of the top reasons why I still throw my hat into the ring on here. Please understand that it takes time to warm up to someone and I do not want to feel forced to doing something. So don't push me to do voice chats right away or I may not respond anymore!
I'm someone who likes to be supportive of their friends and just be there for them. I like being able to recommend things I think would be helpful if someone is in need. I also am open to listening to you vent and giving you advice! I'd just hope this isn't all that we do as there's more to a friendship than constantly talking about our problems. I like to send and receive long, well thought out messages as opposed to short ones. I'm big into having deep and meaningful conversations over small chat any day. I also love hearing stories and even talking about stuff that's happened to me. I respond fairly fast, however reddit is really broken so I don't quite get notifs anymore. I'd be more than happy to move off this app once we've been talking for quite a long while. I don't like moving immediately off the app, so again do not try to pressure me to do things I don't want to do. We gotta respect each other's boundaries and develop trust afterall!
As for what I'm looking for in a friend, I'd hope you could be kind, respectful, communicative, consistent and thoughtful! Of course other things too but these are all key! I'm not really looking to be friends with anyone who isn't open to chatting all throughout the days/nights. I understand that everyone's schedules vary, but I'm more than happy to make time for others. Whether I am busy or not, I always make sure to get back to people I enjoy talking to. So I expect that you also want to do the same with me! I'm also a night owl, so it's very much preferred you're one too as I never have anyone to chat with before I sleep. And I miss having those epic 3 am chats where you both can't stop chatting because the convos are just that good.
Anyways, I'll leave a bit about me then pass it off to you! Please make sure that you put some effort into your messages because... Well, if you don't I most likely won't respond to you. I don't have patience to talk to brick walls and people who expect me to do all the talking. I work best when I can go with the flow of all my conversations, rather than constantly asking back and forth questions. Feel free to check out the other posts on my profile if my interests I list are not enough here!
Some things I'm really into right now: across the spider verse, guardians of the Galaxy 3, squishmallows, thrifting, reading comics, binge watching TV shows and movies, listening to music, going out/going for walks, being in nature/taking nature pictures, playing pool, playing tabletop, playing games on my modded ps vita, PC, and PS5, etc.

Timestamp
Hi there, looking to part with a couple of things. If you have any questions or want more photos feel free to PM. Thanks for looking.
QK65 Grey top/purple bottom built with HS pcb, FR4 plate, and included foams. Lubed owlab stabs. Did not use the standoffs when built but they are included. Built and used for one week, no cosmetic defects. Asking $190 shipped, will ship in original box with carrying case, coiled cable, standoffs and extra screws. Am also happy to disassemble the board if preferred.
KAT Refined Wob alphas, wob f-row, and wob icon/text mods. Alphas were opened, mounted, and used for one day before being put back in packaging. F-row and icon/text mods are sealed. Not interested in breaking up the sets at this time. Asking $85 shipped in original packaging.
Local to 95065, can meet in San Jose area but only on weekends! Shipping to CONUS only, items can only be shipped out on a Tuesday or Saturday. Please comment before PM, PMs without comment will be ignored.

Over the past five or so years my life has gone to shit. I honestly feel I am cursed. Some of the things that have happened to me: 1) 2019 was diagnosed with an aggressive form of cancer 2) 2020 started developing chronic pain that is still there 3) 2021 started developing crippling chronic fatigue 4) 2022 took the vaccine and was seriously ill and unable to move for 2 months 5) 2023 just found out my wife’s visa was denied
There is no way to explain all this and it seems to happen every year. I’m very scared, I had a good life before all this! The last one hurts alot cuse I was planning to have a life with my wife here and now I’m just alone.
My days are now spent just Bing watching YouTube videos/videogames and sometimes crying as to why it all happened to me. When someone says to apply for my wife again or to start working I feel like what’s the point, since life doesn’t want me to be happy, so why try. Some other shit is probably gonna happen, I try to numb the pain with tv, so that I am not thinking about my pathetic life. I just stay in my room all day!
Sometimes I feel a bit positive and start doing stuff that is productive but then I relapse when someone asks me if I applied for my wife again or of my pain flares up! Next thing I know I’m in bed crying, thinking why it all happened to me. Please, what do I do! I need help!

TLDR: HOW TO FORGIVE A CHEATING GASLIGHTING SPOUSE
This is obviously not my primary account. I don't know where to begin. This post might not be the most coherent one you read today. I have so many things in my head. My (F37) husband (M41) had an emotional affair with his best friend's wife in 2019. They had planned to meet (different cities/ 2-hour flight), but I discovered their chats and confronted my husband.
I had suspected something was going on from quite some time, but my husband gaslighted me in the worst way possible and locked me out of his phone (saying I was acting like a lunatic and that is why he is locking his phone.). I honestly started questioning my sanity. A couple months after this episode was my 10th anniversary. A trip was planned with this couple (my husband’s best friend, his wife and us) to celebrate our anniversary. They kept flirting with each other during the entire trip, I cried for over 4 hours a day before my 10th wedding anniversary. He again gaslighted me, made me feel like I have lost my mental capacity to understand right from wrong. His best friend was also delusional and asked me how I could ever think of something like this happening. Fast forward a month and I got chats to prove my point.
At this point, my husband started crying and saying he was not sure how it happened (well, he messaged her after leaving from home and before entering the house, he was very well aware of what was happening!). Then he said I was going to confess anyway and that he is sorry and he will do better and the cheater’s routine. The next day he told HER that I know. I don’t know if it was a coping mechanism, but I acted like I am cool with the whole thing and that I forgive them both. After a couple of days, they decided they will confess to his best friend as well as they felt “guilty”. The couple came to our house, my husband told him everything. He was shocked, cried a little and then said that he will take some time to move on from the issue. I told him it’s okay and we should forgive them.
I and my husband started working on our marriage again, it was a lot hard work, but we did well. By 2020 we decided to become parents through fertility treatments after a lot of discussion. I was a little sceptical because of the financial pressure it would add and the years that we waited to make that decision, but his confidence gave me confidence, both of us love kids and I was cautiously happy about the whole thing. Did the procedure, had a very difficult pregnancy with every complication possible, two beautiful babies at the end of it (they are the best, they are my everything).
Fast forward to 2022. I wanted to make his 40th birthday special, so I asked his best friend to come visit us for a day with family to surprise him (they also did fertility treatment and had a child, same age ours). The best friend ended up telling him about the plan (with my permission) as he was confused about certain things. When they discussed, the one-day plan became a 10-day vacation. He started overplanning for the whole thing and it made me angry. We had a fight 3 days before leaving for the vacation. But I decided not ruin things as it was his 40th, I got a radio show recorded for him as his birthday gift. During the entire trip he spent nights talking to her, engaging in banteflirting, ignoring me completely. Even when I expressed my feelings, he did not change anything.
Then came my breaking point. I could not do it anymore. Had a huge fight with him. We were going to my mom’s place from there for a week, so I was just waiting for the days to get over. I did not speak to anyone on the last day. A lot of other things happened, but it’s late here and I am tired of typing. After another fight, we concluded that he must stop talking to her. Certain other rules were made, like he cannot go to their place, etc. He also told me how she (his AP) was shocked by my behaviour and surprised that I have still not gotten over the whole thing, and that why I did the drama of being okay with everything. Really?!!
I was okay with everything. I was okay because I did not want him to lose his friend. He has only one! I was okay with him having his one and only friend. I was okay if he understood what his boundaries were. I was okay if I was his priority. I wasn’t. He showed me and gaslighted me yet again. Anyway, rules were made, we got back home. I went to my Mom’s for a month as my help had taken personal leave. I told him he can call his friend to spend time with him as his best friend is no more comfortable being around me. So they planned a weekend trip to my place (my husband and his best friend) and had fun. My husband had to come pick me up from my Mom’s place, as there has to be one attendant with each child in the flight. From the airport to my place, his best friend was dropping him home. It was late in the night and the kids were waiting for him, I checked Maps for his location, and it was at his best friend’s place. He was there for less than 5 mins, but I was furious. When he messaged to ask him something, I told him I knew where he went. He told me his best friend had forgotten to get the gifts he got for our kids, so he was barely their for a couple of minutes to pick it up and that he was waiting in the apartment parking lot.
He asked me to come down and I too wanted to talk to his best friend. I went down and that’s when the real fun began. My husband was telling his friend, “See, I told you she keeps a track on my movements.” I obviously have trust issues. When he knew this would bother me, why did he not make a call before going there?
In the fight that ensued, he practically blamed me for the affair. It was gaslighting, but I am going to list his issues with me anyway:

I have changed from who I was in 2006 (I was 20).
I am not innocent anymore.
I look for fights.
I take strong stands (feminism, strong opposition bigotry, etc.).
I read a lot, and all that reading has fucked me up.
I use F-word a lot which I never did back in 2006.
I took a solo trip with a group in 2014 (11 girls 1 boy 1 guide). It was an 18-day trip abroad. I was crying on the 12th day as I was missing my husband dearly on that trip. When I came back I shared all the experiences, word by word. I also told him about this divorced female friend I made who hooked with someone on an app before joining us on the trip. For me all this was very novel, I was naïve young, and had zero exposure. A lot of it was shocking to me, but it opened my mind in ways I would not have ever thought it would, travel made me a better person, it made me more accepting of different tradition, cultures and people. I obviously was seeking to open my mind, so I read, I travelled, it changed me yes, but for the better. In the fight post his 40th birthday, he had called my sister to complain, and he also said I don’t know what she might have done in the Greece trip. And the things she shared were crazy. Basically, saying shit about me and planting a seed of doubt in my sister’s head. Fortunately, I have a great relationship with my siblings, I had told them everything I told him post the trip. So, he did not tell them anything new. But this move just meant he would stoop down to any level, even lie if he must if push comes to shove.
My best friend (who is divorced and has dealt with drug abuse due to the emotional turmoil) is a bad influence and she made me who I am. FFS! This is the same best friend who was his BFF during lockdown, my pregnancy… They shared drinks together, we did treks together, suddenly she is the problem…
I cried a lot post wedding (initial days until I made a friend, as I was isolated by his family, they did not like me much and created several issues for me. I was young, did not know how to deal with such situations, so I ended up crying a lot. FYI, now the same people call me instead of him, they did wrong, but I had a confrontation with them too a couple of years back and heartfelt apologies were made, I moved on and have a great relationship with his family now.).
Affair happen because something is amiss in the relationship (his words). Honestly, the timing of the affair hits me the most. It was probably the best time in our marriage. We were going out, talking, carefree, travelling… And now he says something was amiss!
I was reading a book, and it discussed polygamy. He says because I discussed with him about it in 2015, I indirectly pushed that thought in his head! Yes, he said that!
That a male friend in 2013 was the reason. I had made two friends in this small town in 4 years after moving from a city (leaving my house, my friends, everything for him). One the female best friend, and the other one is they guy he said he had a problem with. Mind you he takes all kinds of business favors from him now, and says now he has no issues with him and it was just a confusion, and because I considerably reduced my interaction with him, it did not bother him. (Friendship with guy friend died organically after we moved to a new city, so he was anyway a non-issue, and for me my marriage was a priority. Now we basically call him only when we need something. Pathetic).
It was everything I did basically (right from 2006 to 2023).

His best friend also thinks I have trust issues and that I should work on it and that he can guarantee that his wife won't do it again as she is super-absorbed with their child! I don't know if this guy even listens to himself while talking! He is an idiot. I don't blame him. He always prioritised my husband over his wife. So, I get it. For him his friendship is way more important that his relationship with his wife.
He also blamed me for being suspicious all the time post 2019. He shared with his best friend the bitching/gossiping we might have done as a couple about them, about other things, in our shared sacred space. This shocked me the most. How much ever I try I am not able to get over THIS. Nothing is between us anymore, should I also start going out, telling on him, things he might have told me in anger, just frustration about others!
There’s a lot more that has hurt me, like the knowledge about his happy ending sessions which he shared with me only because I once told him I am very open-minded, and that he should share everything with me, we should be friends - my mistake again he says, why did I portray myself as an open-minded individual when in fact I was traditional in my thought process. This I had gotten over and I told him it should not happen again. His best friend also got a lap dance with a topless dancer in London, and I told me about it, fuck the open-minded image. Anyway, I am digressing.
I am tired of writing and complaining.
We are back home. And he is asking me what he can do to make things better, and that he is really sorry. I said in a marriage both partners are supposed protect each other, you could not do it in 2009 (with his family, I gave him the benefit of doubt, that he was also too young to navigate those situations); he did not do it now, he literally through me under the bus to get his best friend’s sympathy. How will I ever be able to trust this man? Leaving would mean a lot of upheaval and me going to work and staying away from my beautiful babies. I am crying now. He also said in the fight that I should not have had babies with him when I had trust issues. How could he say that! How could he twist everything so badly!
I am trying very hard to focus on my children, I spend the entire day with them. Days are easy and fun. But when the are asleep, I am forced to confront these thoughts, like right now.
He is trying his best to keep me happy, but I need help to understand how someone gets over something like this?!
So, the Greece thing, and personal gossip sharing! These two points I can’t over. I tried and tried and tried. Please help.
I am not sure what I am seeking, advice may be? Can this work? I want it to work only for my kids. Will I ever be able to love him the way I did.
I am looking for a therapist currently who does not charge a bomb.
Edited to add: We are not sharing locations on Maps anymore after that fight!

I’ve dated my boyfriend for 3 years and love him more than anything. We bought a house 1.5 years ago and have 2 dogs together. I’ve been impatiently waiting for him to propose and he finally did. But the way he did it made me so sad & I’m not sure what to do. He knew months before that I wanted to look cute and have my nails done for the occasion, because I’m a bit of a diva. But he did it in front of a couple random family members (1 uncle I hadn’t seen in 3+ years, my cousin, my parents) and I had hurt my right hand so it was bandaged. Also I was dressed to hike, not a cute hiking outfit either. Didn’t have my nails done since I had hurt my hand 6 days prior. Didn’t wear makeup or fix my hair since we were hiking. He got down and said 1 line of something like “I’ve loved you since I first met you 4 years ago, will you marry me?” and of course I said yes. I think I’m probably the a-hole here, but I’m a very sentimental/romantic person and it kind of broke my heart that one of the most important moments of my life he handled just so casually/quickly.
I always pictured something so romantic, just the two of us, and him to say at least a paragraph of why he was proposing, not just one line. I wanted to be dressed cute, with nails and maybe haimakeup done a little at least. The frustrating part is we’ve done some cool things the past year where I wondered if maybe he would propose then, and so I strategically dressed extra cute in case that was the day (i.e. hot air balloon ride, nice dinners in Mexico, Vday and anniversary dinners, scuba diving, sky diving, etc). So kudos to him for catching me by surprise, I guess.
He even said he knew he could’ve done more, but he didn’t want to wait forever for the perfect moment (he waited 1 week since when he received the ring from the jeweler). He also described an absolutely beautiful proposal he had thought of, but he said it was too complicated so he decided against it (it was a picnic, and not very complicated in my opinion). I’m trying to be excited about this next stage of life and I don’t want to break his heart by saying anything other than how happy I am, but people keep asking for the story and I want to cry every time someone asks. Because to me, it doesn’t really feel like there is a story. I just don’t know what to do, but I’d obviously never call off our engagement, he’s respectful, loving, smart and my best friend in the world. I guess I’m curious too if others had inmemorable proposals as well and I should just let it go…

Jasper frowned as he read over the letter, the summons looking like no other mail he’d ever received.
On Saturday, you are summoned to attend Midnight Visitation as part of your rehabilitation. Attendance is non-negotiable, and refusal will result in forced attendance followed by time spent in solitary. Be ready by no later than eleven. The Warden
“Whoa, that's pretty cool,” said Gavin, reading over his shoulder, “Who do you know that would come all the way down here at midnight to see you?”
Jasper didn’t know, and he told him as much. He was in here for killing the last person who had given a crap about him, and he couldn’t think of anyone who would make the trip in the daytime, let alone at night. His parents had disowned him after he’d killed her, and most of his family refused to have anything to do with him. Some of his cousins would still accept his letters, but few of them would bother to write back. Jasper was perplexed by the invitation, but, by the sound of it, it wasn’t much of an invitation anyway. Attendance seemed to be mandatory, and he was pretty sure most of the guards on the compound would enjoy dragging him there in chains.
The letter had come with their mail, and it was one of the few times the guard had called his name. The last year and a half had been difficult for Jasper, but he was getting used to making it on his own. He’d done it all his life, hadn’t he? His mom and dad had been too busy with their own thing to care about their middle child. Barbara was the smart one, Reggy was the athletic people person, and Jasper…well, Jasper was the screw up. His grades had never been too good, his achievements few and far between, and when Grace had come into the picture, his parents figured it was the best Jasper could do.
Jasper had agreed with them. Grace had been his everything from the moment she agreed to go steady with him. Grace was motivated, a natural saleswoman who had strived for something more than middle management. She had a successful business by the time she graduated college, and Jasper was happy to stay at home and keep the house. Jasper provided her with stability, someone to come home to who lacked the means to do any better, but he couldn’t give her the one thing she wanted.
That's why she had left him, and that's why he had killed her.
He couldn’t stand to be apart from her, couldn’t stand for her to be with someone else, and now he was stuck in Stragview for his lapse in judgment.
That's what made the note so cryptic, and the longer he thought about it, the shorter the list of people who would come all the way out here at night became.
He did a little more than wait, he supposed. Jasper had asked around about this Midnight Visitation, but no one seemed to know much about it. The younger guys all shook their heads, and the older guys clammed up when he asked them. It was like a magic spell had been cast over the whole thing, and when you asked some of these guys, it seemed to sap the life out of them before your eyes. Garth, one of the more gregarious murderers on Jasper’s block, had looked downright scared when he’d asked him about the visitation.
“I can’t say nothin,” Garth had said, “and neither will you once you go. It’s a secret that you keep after that. It’s something that changes you, or you keep going back till it does.”
“What changes you?” Jasper had asked, but Garth wouldn’t say anymore.
“Get away from me. Get away, before he thinks I told you.”
He’d left in a hurry then, their chess game only four moves in, and Jasper found he had more questions than before.
He supposed that all would be answered on Saturday, and as the days passed, he found himself a little excited by the whole idea of the thing.
When Saturday night finally arrived, Officer Gauge found him on his bunk, his best uniform still looking ragged, as he waited for whatever might come. Gauge held out a pair of cuffs, telling Jasper that he’d have to cuff him before they left. Jasper nodded, putting his hands behind his back, but Gauge told him that in the front would be fine. Jasper shrugged, it was his show, and let him cuff him in the front. Some of the guys who were still awake made suggestive noises as he left, some of them telling him to enjoy his “night visit”, but a lot of the older guys were noticeably quiet.
Gauge led him to the visitation area, the little spot behind the staff check-in area, and when Jasper shook his cuffs at him, Gauge told him to sit down and put his hands on the eye hook on the table. There were a few guys in here, some of them Jasper knew, but most he didn't, and they all seemed to be cuffed to the protruding hook in the center of the table. Jasper started to buck, but realized it wouldn’t do any good. Whatever this was, they would have him one way or another. He set his hands down on the table, and Gauge pulled a lock out of his pocket. He secured Jasper to the spot before leaving in an all fired hurry.
Whatever was about to happen, Gauge clearly didn’t want any part of it.
Jasper glanced around the room, taking in the men who sat around him. There were about twelve in all, all of them shackled to the table, and they were all spaced so that at least three chairs separated them from another inmate. Most of them looked confused or unsure, but a couple of them looked like they knew what was coming; knew and weren’t looking forward to it. One of them, a big bald bruiser named Dennis, had his head against the table as he cried nakedly between his elbows. Another who Jasper didn’t know was praying in fast spanish. A third, Jasper thought his name might be Conroy, was thrashing around as he pulled at his bonds. His eyes were roving around like a scared horse, and he kept pulling at his cuffs until he heard a lock click near the back of the room.
Then he went still and Jasper thought he saw him listening for something.
A pair of double metal doors at the back of the room burst open then, and Jasper saw a small group walk in unattended by guards. Two of them were children, a pair of twins who looked ghostly under the dim fluorescents. One was a dark haired woman who sat down in front of the man as he prayed. The last was a tall, homely woman who took the seat across from a younger inmate that Jasper couldn’t put a name to. The young man stiffened as she sat down, and the pair was close enough that Jasper could suddenly see that the problem wasn’t the womans face, but rather what was on it. She had a crop of mold growing from ear to ear and as it wove around her eyes, it made her look like she was wearing glasses.
“Hello, Emanuel.” she said, her voice thick but not unhappy to see him, “I see prison had suited you.”
“What the fuck is this?” the inmate said, trying to back away and failing as the chains caught him, “you ain’t real. You look like my ma, but you ain’t my ma.”
“Of course I am, Em. How else would I know about how you drowned me in the bathtub? How else would I know what you did to me before you buried me in the basement? How else would I know how much you cried before you turned yourself in? You felt me watching you from the corner of your room, and it ate at you until you couldn’t take it anymore. The same way,” She leaned in slyly as she grinned, “that you ate at me after I was gone.”
The inmates started making a sound like someone choking on air. He kept pulling away from the woman, but the chains brought him up yet again. Jasper looked away, but he could see similar scenes of horror unfolding around him as more people joined them. The twins sat down in front of the sobbing man, but he wouldn’t lift his head. He wouldn’t look at them, couldn’t look at them, but the longer Jasper looked, the more he could see the bruises around the necks. The deep purple marks looked like individual fingers, and they seemed incable speaking through their bruised throats. They sat menacingly across from him, and every peek he gave them was followed by a hopeless cry of terror.
Others came, men, women, children, mothers, fathers, wives, and everything in between. The inmates' reactions were as varied as the specters. One man could only repeat the phrase “I’m sorry” as a half naked boy of seventeen sat silently across from him. The mother and son he had seen first were now sitting with her hands on his as he rocked and shook his head in negation. What could only be an older man's parents asked if he were proud of what he’d done to them, but he only sat silently and stared right through them.
Jasper wondered when it would be his turn, but he didn’t have long to ponder.
“Sorry I’m late, dear. The commute was dreadful.”
His breath came out as little more than a puff of smoke, and when he turned to look at her, Jasper could tell that it was Grace only by the necklace that she wore. He’d given her that necklace for their third anniversary, and he supposed her parents had left it on her when they buried her. Her face, a face he had loved so much, was gone. She looked like a burn victim, like a used up match stick, and the eyes that looked back at him glowed from empty sockets. Jasper wanted to scream, wanted to pull away as her red and oozing hand came out to touch his, but he couldn’t muster the strength.
She was burnt, her beauty stolen in death, and that too was his fault.
After he’d blind sided her, begging for another chance, she had told him to get lost. She said she couldn’t be with someone who couldn’t give her children, and suggested that he go back to his moms house before her new boyfriend found them together. At the mention of a new boyfriend, he grabbed her by the neck as she turned away and slammed her head against the wall of the stairwell outside her apartment. He had kept right on doing this until she stopped struggling, and even then he did it a few more times. He only stopped when her head began to dribble something besides blood and he realized he had broken her skull. He was scared then, afraid that he would get caught, and when he put her in his car, he wasn’t sure what he intended to do with her.
The police had caught him in his parents backyard, one of her neighbors having seen the whole thing, but by then, Grace had been a charcoal briquette.
He’d heard the funeral had been closed casket, but apparently they hadn’t closed it tight enough.
“Whats wrong dear? Didn’t you tell me you couldn’t live without me? I believe it was a little bit before you smashed my head against the wall. I assumed that, since you’d taken all that time to burn me, that you wanted me to look this way. Well, have a good look, Jasper. See what you’ve done to your Grace!”
Every word she spoke sent flakes of her tongue and lips onto the table, onto his hands, and onto Jasper’s face. She was leaning in closer, bringing her horrible visage closer to him, and Jasper felt his sanity beginning to whimper. As she brought the remains of her blackened lips together, he added his scream to the others. As they pressed against his flesh, he let his eyes roll up to the whites. He tried to stay conscious, but the sheer horror of the situation was eroding his mind. This couldn’t be. Things like this weren’t real. Grace was dead, she couldn’t come back to torment him.
As he regained consciousness, he found that he was still chained to the table and the terrible Grace was still sitting across from him.
“You seem to have gotten a little sleepy, my love. That's okay. The Warden was nice enough to extend invitation for the whole night, and I was more than happy to come and see my best fella.”
Jasper screamed, screamed until his throat broke, and when Gauge opened the door at five o’clock, all those present were as silent as the grave.
Gauge led them away like a flock of lambs, easily correcting them when they tried to stumble out of line. He had been doing this for a while, two or three years at least, and he had learned not to question what went on behind that door. He heard begging, screaming, the mad laughter of the deranged, and at the end of the month, he found an extra five hundred dollars added to his check for every Midnight Visitation he conducted.
His smile curdled when he remembered what the Warden had said to him when he gave him the position.
“I know you’re struggling to feed your appetites, and its only a matter of time before you end up inside these walls for doing something foolish. Why not let me help you feed those urges, and in exchange, I won't tell anyone what sort of debauchery you get up to in your spare time.”
The Warden was a weird one, but Gauge had to admit that he always kept his promises.
Gauge wondered what he put these poor saps through, but quickly put it out of his mind.
The Wardens games were none of his concern, and how he chose to discipline his inmates was his business.

Jasper frowned as he read over the letter, the summons looking like no other mail he’d ever received.
On Saturday, you are summoned to attend Midnight Visitation as part of your rehabilitation. Attendance is non-negotiable, and refusal will result in forced attendance followed by time spent in solitary. Be ready by no later than eleven. The Warden
“Whoa, that's pretty cool,” said Gavin, reading over his shoulder, “Who do you know that would come all the way down here at midnight to see you?”
Jasper didn’t know, and he told him as much. He was in here for killing the last person who had given a crap about him, and he couldn’t think of anyone who would make the trip in the daytime, let alone at night. His parents had disowned him after he’d killed her, and most of his family refused to have anything to do with him. Some of his cousins would still accept his letters, but few of them would bother to write back. Jasper was perplexed by the invitation, but, by the sound of it, it wasn’t much of an invitation anyway. Attendance seemed to be mandatory, and he was pretty sure most of the guards on the compound would enjoy dragging him there in chains.
The letter had come with their mail, and it was one of the few times the guard had called his name. The last year and a half had been difficult for Jasper, but he was getting used to making it on his own. He’d done it all his life, hadn’t he? His mom and dad had been too busy with their own thing to care about their middle child. Barbara was the smart one, Reggy was the athletic people person, and Jasper…well, Jasper was the screw up. His grades had never been too good, his achievements few and far between, and when Grace had come into the picture, his parents figured it was the best Jasper could do.
Jasper had agreed with them. Grace had been his everything from the moment she agreed to go steady with him. Grace was motivated, a natural saleswoman who had strived for something more than middle management. She had a successful business by the time she graduated college, and Jasper was happy to stay at home and keep the house. Jasper provided her with stability, someone to come home to who lacked the means to do any better, but he couldn’t give her the one thing she wanted.
That's why she had left him, and that's why he had killed her.
He couldn’t stand to be apart from her, couldn’t stand for her to be with someone else, and now he was stuck in Stragview for his lapse in judgment.
That's what made the note so cryptic, and the longer he thought about it, the shorter the list of people who would come all the way out here at night became.
He did a little more than wait, he supposed. Jasper had asked around about this Midnight Visitation, but no one seemed to know much about it. The younger guys all shook their heads, and the older guys clammed up when he asked them. It was like a magic spell had been cast over the whole thing, and when you asked some of these guys, it seemed to sap the life out of them before your eyes. Garth, one of the more gregarious murderers on Jasper’s block, had looked downright scared when he’d asked him about the visitation.
“I can’t say nothin,” Garth had said, “and neither will you once you go. It’s a secret that you keep after that. It’s something that changes you, or you keep going back till it does.”
“What changes you?” Jasper had asked, but Garth wouldn’t say anymore.
“Get away from me. Get away, before he thinks I told you.”
He’d left in a hurry then, their chess game only four moves in, and Jasper found he had more questions than before.
He supposed that all would be answered on Saturday, and as the days passed, he found himself a little excited by the whole idea of the thing.
When Saturday night finally arrived, Officer Gauge found him on his bunk, his best uniform still looking ragged, as he waited for whatever might come. Gauge held out a pair of cuffs, telling Jasper that he’d have to cuff him before they left. Jasper nodded, putting his hands behind his back, but Gauge told him that in the front would be fine. Jasper shrugged, it was his show, and let him cuff him in the front. Some of the guys who were still awake made suggestive noises as he left, some of them telling him to enjoy his “night visit”, but a lot of the older guys were noticeably quiet.
Gauge led him to the visitation area, the little spot behind the staff check-in area, and when Jasper shook his cuffs at him, Gauge told him to sit down and put his hands on the eye hook on the table. There were a few guys in here, some of them Jasper knew, but most he didn't, and they all seemed to be cuffed to the protruding hook in the center of the table. Jasper started to buck, but realized it wouldn’t do any good. Whatever this was, they would have him one way or another. He set his hands down on the table, and Gauge pulled a lock out of his pocket. He secured Jasper to the spot before leaving in an all fired hurry.
Whatever was about to happen, Gauge clearly didn’t want any part of it.
Jasper glanced around the room, taking in the men who sat around him. There were about twelve in all, all of them shackled to the table, and they were all spaced so that at least three chairs separated them from another inmate. Most of them looked confused or unsure, but a couple of them looked like they knew what was coming; knew and weren’t looking forward to it. One of them, a big bald bruiser named Dennis, had his head against the table as he cried nakedly between his elbows. Another who Jasper didn’t know was praying in fast spanish. A third, Jasper thought his name might be Conroy, was thrashing around as he pulled at his bonds. His eyes were roving around like a scared horse, and he kept pulling at his cuffs until he heard a lock click near the back of the room.
Then he went still and Jasper thought he saw him listening for something.
A pair of double metal doors at the back of the room burst open then, and Jasper saw a small group walk in unattended by guards. Two of them were children, a pair of twins who looked ghostly under the dim fluorescents. One was a dark haired woman who sat down in front of the man as he prayed. The last was a tall, homely woman who took the seat across from a younger inmate that Jasper couldn’t put a name to. The young man stiffened as she sat down, and the pair was close enough that Jasper could suddenly see that the problem wasn’t the womans face, but rather what was on it. She had a crop of mold growing from ear to ear and as it wove around her eyes, it made her look like she was wearing glasses.
“Hello, Emanuel.” she said, her voice thick but not unhappy to see him, “I see prison had suited you.”
“What the fuck is this?” the inmate said, trying to back away and failing as the chains caught him, “you ain’t real. You look like my ma, but you ain’t my ma.”
“Of course I am, Em. How else would I know about how you drowned me in the bathtub? How else would I know what you did to me before you buried me in the basement? How else would I know how much you cried before you turned yourself in? You felt me watching you from the corner of your room, and it ate at you until you couldn’t take it anymore. The same way,” She leaned in slyly as she grinned, “that you ate at me after I was gone.”
The inmates started making a sound like someone choking on air. He kept pulling away from the woman, but the chains brought him up yet again. Jasper looked away, but he could see similar scenes of horror unfolding around him as more people joined them. The twins sat down in front of the sobbing man, but he wouldn’t lift his head. He wouldn’t look at them, couldn’t look at them, but the longer Jasper looked, the more he could see the bruises around the necks. The deep purple marks looked like individual fingers, and they seemed incable speaking through their bruised throats. They sat menacingly across from him, and every peek he gave them was followed by a hopeless cry of terror.
Others came, men, women, children, mothers, fathers, wives, and everything in between. The inmates' reactions were as varied as the specters. One man could only repeat the phrase “I’m sorry” as a half naked boy of seventeen sat silently across from him. The mother and son he had seen first were now sitting with her hands on his as he rocked and shook his head in negation. What could only be an older man's parents asked if he were proud of what he’d done to them, but he only sat silently and stared right through them.
Jasper wondered when it would be his turn, but he didn’t have long to ponder.
“Sorry I’m late, dear. The commute was dreadful.”
His breath came out as little more than a puff of smoke, and when he turned to look at her, Jasper could tell that it was Grace only by the necklace that she wore. He’d given her that necklace for their third anniversary, and he supposed her parents had left it on her when they buried her. Her face, a face he had loved so much, was gone. She looked like a burn victim, like a used up match stick, and the eyes that looked back at him glowed from empty sockets. Jasper wanted to scream, wanted to pull away as her red and oozing hand came out to touch his, but he couldn’t muster the strength.
She was burnt, her beauty stolen in death, and that too was his fault.
After he’d blind sided her, begging for another chance, she had told him to get lost. She said she couldn’t be with someone who couldn’t give her children, and suggested that he go back to his moms house before her new boyfriend found them together. At the mention of a new boyfriend, he grabbed her by the neck as she turned away and slammed her head against the wall of the stairwell outside her apartment. He had kept right on doing this until she stopped struggling, and even then he did it a few more times. He only stopped when her head began to dribble something besides blood and he realized he had broken her skull. He was scared then, afraid that he would get caught, and when he put her in his car, he wasn’t sure what he intended to do with her.
The police had caught him in his parents backyard, one of her neighbors having seen the whole thing, but by then, Grace had been a charcoal briquette.
He’d heard the funeral had been closed casket, but apparently they hadn’t closed it tight enough.
“Whats wrong dear? Didn’t you tell me you couldn’t live without me? I believe it was a little bit before you smashed my head against the wall. I assumed that, since you’d taken all that time to burn me, that you wanted me to look this way. Well, have a good look, Jasper. See what you’ve done to your Grace!”
Every word she spoke sent flakes of her tongue and lips onto the table, onto his hands, and onto Jasper’s face. She was leaning in closer, bringing her horrible visage closer to him, and Jasper felt his sanity beginning to whimper. As she brought the remains of her blackened lips together, he added his scream to the others. As they pressed against his flesh, he let his eyes roll up to the whites. He tried to stay conscious, but the sheer horror of the situation was eroding his mind. This couldn’t be. Things like this weren’t real. Grace was dead, she couldn’t come back to torment him.
As he regained consciousness, he found that he was still chained to the table and the terrible Grace was still sitting across from him.
“You seem to have gotten a little sleepy, my love. That's okay. The Warden was nice enough to extend invitation for the whole night, and I was more than happy to come and see my best fella.”
Jasper screamed, screamed until his throat broke, and when Gauge opened the door at five o’clock, all those present were as silent as the grave.
Gauge led them away like a flock of lambs, easily correcting them when they tried to stumble out of line. He had been doing this for a while, two or three years at least, and he had learned not to question what went on behind that door. He heard begging, screaming, the mad laughter of the deranged, and at the end of the month, he found an extra five hundred dollars added to his check for every Midnight Visitation he conducted.
His smile curdled when he remembered what the Warden had said to him when he gave him the position.
“I know you’re struggling to feed your appetites, and its only a matter of time before you end up inside these walls for doing something foolish. Why not let me help you feed those urges, and in exchange, I won't tell anyone what sort of debauchery you get up to in your spare time.”
The Warden was a weird one, but Gauge had to admit that he always kept his promises.
Gauge wondered what he put these poor saps through, but quickly put it out of his mind.
The Wardens games were none of his concern, and how he chose to discipline his inmates was his business.

Jasper frowned as he read over the letter, the summons looking like no other mail he’d ever received.
On Saturday, you are summoned to attend Midnight Visitation as part of your rehabilitation. Attendance is non-negotiable, and refusal will result in forced attendance followed by time spent in solitary. Be ready by no later than eleven. The Warden
“Whoa, that's pretty cool,” said Gavin, reading over his shoulder, “Who do you know that would come all the way down here at midnight to see you?”
Jasper didn’t know, and he told him as much. He was in here for killing the last person who had given a crap about him, and he couldn’t think of anyone who would make the trip in the daytime, let alone at night. His parents had disowned him after he’d killed her, and most of his family refused to have anything to do with him. Some of his cousins would still accept his letters, but few of them would bother to write back. Jasper was perplexed by the invitation, but, by the sound of it, it wasn’t much of an invitation anyway. Attendance seemed to be mandatory, and he was pretty sure most of the guards on the compound would enjoy dragging him there in chains.
The letter had come with their mail, and it was one of the few times the guard had called his name. The last year and a half had been difficult for Jasper, but he was getting used to making it on his own. He’d done it all his life, hadn’t he? His mom and dad had been too busy with their own thing to care about their middle child. Barbara was the smart one, Reggy was the athletic people person, and Jasper…well, Jasper was the screw up. His grades had never been too good, his achievements few and far between, and when Grace had come into the picture, his parents figured it was the best Jasper could do.
Jasper had agreed with them. Grace had been his everything from the moment she agreed to go steady with him. Grace was motivated, a natural saleswoman who had strived for something more than middle management. She had a successful business by the time she graduated college, and Jasper was happy to stay at home and keep the house. Jasper provided her with stability, someone to come home to who lacked the means to do any better, but he couldn’t give her the one thing she wanted.
That's why she had left him, and that's why he had killed her.
He couldn’t stand to be apart from her, couldn’t stand for her to be with someone else, and now he was stuck in Stragview for his lapse in judgment.
That's what made the note so cryptic, and the longer he thought about it, the shorter the list of people who would come all the way out here at night became.
He did a little more than wait, he supposed. Jasper had asked around about this Midnight Visitation, but no one seemed to know much about it. The younger guys all shook their heads, and the older guys clammed up when he asked them. It was like a magic spell had been cast over the whole thing, and when you asked some of these guys, it seemed to sap the life out of them before your eyes. Garth, one of the more gregarious murderers on Jasper’s block, had looked downright scared when he’d asked him about the visitation.
“I can’t say nothin,” Garth had said, “and neither will you once you go. It’s a secret that you keep after that. It’s something that changes you, or you keep going back till it does.”
“What changes you?” Jasper had asked, but Garth wouldn’t say anymore.
“Get away from me. Get away, before he thinks I told you.”
He’d left in a hurry then, their chess game only four moves in, and Jasper found he had more questions than before.
He supposed that all would be answered on Saturday, and as the days passed, he found himself a little excited by the whole idea of the thing.
When Saturday night finally arrived, Officer Gauge found him on his bunk, his best uniform still looking ragged, as he waited for whatever might come. Gauge held out a pair of cuffs, telling Jasper that he’d have to cuff him before they left. Jasper nodded, putting his hands behind his back, but Gauge told him that in the front would be fine. Jasper shrugged, it was his show, and let him cuff him in the front. Some of the guys who were still awake made suggestive noises as he left, some of them telling him to enjoy his “night visit”, but a lot of the older guys were noticeably quiet.
Gauge led him to the visitation area, the little spot behind the staff check-in area, and when Jasper shook his cuffs at him, Gauge told him to sit down and put his hands on the eye hook on the table. There were a few guys in here, some of them Jasper knew, but most he didn't, and they all seemed to be cuffed to the protruding hook in the center of the table. Jasper started to buck, but realized it wouldn’t do any good. Whatever this was, they would have him one way or another. He set his hands down on the table, and Gauge pulled a lock out of his pocket. He secured Jasper to the spot before leaving in an all fired hurry.
Whatever was about to happen, Gauge clearly didn’t want any part of it.
Jasper glanced around the room, taking in the men who sat around him. There were about twelve in all, all of them shackled to the table, and they were all spaced so that at least three chairs separated them from another inmate. Most of them looked confused or unsure, but a couple of them looked like they knew what was coming; knew and weren’t looking forward to it. One of them, a big bald bruiser named Dennis, had his head against the table as he cried nakedly between his elbows. Another who Jasper didn’t know was praying in fast spanish. A third, Jasper thought his name might be Conroy, was thrashing around as he pulled at his bonds. His eyes were roving around like a scared horse, and he kept pulling at his cuffs until he heard a lock click near the back of the room.
Then he went still and Jasper thought he saw him listening for something.
A pair of double metal doors at the back of the room burst open then, and Jasper saw a small group walk in unattended by guards. Two of them were children, a pair of twins who looked ghostly under the dim fluorescents. One was a dark haired woman who sat down in front of the man as he prayed. The last was a tall, homely woman who took the seat across from a younger inmate that Jasper couldn’t put a name to. The young man stiffened as she sat down, and the pair was close enough that Jasper could suddenly see that the problem wasn’t the womans face, but rather what was on it. She had a crop of mold growing from ear to ear and as it wove around her eyes, it made her look like she was wearing glasses.
“Hello, Emanuel.” she said, her voice thick but not unhappy to see him, “I see prison had suited you.”
“What the fuck is this?” the inmate said, trying to back away and failing as the chains caught him, “you ain’t real. You look like my ma, but you ain’t my ma.”
“Of course I am, Em. How else would I know about how you drowned me in the bathtub? How else would I know what you did to me before you buried me in the basement? How else would I know how much you cried before you turned yourself in? You felt me watching you from the corner of your room, and it ate at you until you couldn’t take it anymore. The same way,” She leaned in slyly as she grinned, “that you ate at me after I was gone.”
The inmates started making a sound like someone choking on air. He kept pulling away from the woman, but the chains brought him up yet again. Jasper looked away, but he could see similar scenes of horror unfolding around him as more people joined them. The twins sat down in front of the sobbing man, but he wouldn’t lift his head. He wouldn’t look at them, couldn’t look at them, but the longer Jasper looked, the more he could see the bruises around the necks. The deep purple marks looked like individual fingers, and they seemed incable speaking through their bruised throats. They sat menacingly across from him, and every peek he gave them was followed by a hopeless cry of terror.
Others came, men, women, children, mothers, fathers, wives, and everything in between. The inmates' reactions were as varied as the specters. One man could only repeat the phrase “I’m sorry” as a half naked boy of seventeen sat silently across from him. The mother and son he had seen first were now sitting with her hands on his as he rocked and shook his head in negation. What could only be an older man's parents asked if he were proud of what he’d done to them, but he only sat silently and stared right through them.
Jasper wondered when it would be his turn, but he didn’t have long to ponder.
“Sorry I’m late, dear. The commute was dreadful.”
His breath came out as little more than a puff of smoke, and when he turned to look at her, Jasper could tell that it was Grace only by the necklace that she wore. He’d given her that necklace for their third anniversary, and he supposed her parents had left it on her when they buried her. Her face, a face he had loved so much, was gone. She looked like a burn victim, like a used up match stick, and the eyes that looked back at him glowed from empty sockets. Jasper wanted to scream, wanted to pull away as her red and oozing hand came out to touch his, but he couldn’t muster the strength.
She was burnt, her beauty stolen in death, and that too was his fault.
After he’d blind sided her, begging for another chance, she had told him to get lost. She said she couldn’t be with someone who couldn’t give her children, and suggested that he go back to his moms house before her new boyfriend found them together. At the mention of a new boyfriend, he grabbed her by the neck as she turned away and slammed her head against the wall of the stairwell outside her apartment. He had kept right on doing this until she stopped struggling, and even then he did it a few more times. He only stopped when her head began to dribble something besides blood and he realized he had broken her skull. He was scared then, afraid that he would get caught, and when he put her in his car, he wasn’t sure what he intended to do with her.
The police had caught him in his parents backyard, one of her neighbors having seen the whole thing, but by then, Grace had been a charcoal briquette.
He’d heard the funeral had been closed casket, but apparently they hadn’t closed it tight enough.
“Whats wrong dear? Didn’t you tell me you couldn’t live without me? I believe it was a little bit before you smashed my head against the wall. I assumed that, since you’d taken all that time to burn me, that you wanted me to look this way. Well, have a good look, Jasper. See what you’ve done to your Grace!”
Every word she spoke sent flakes of her tongue and lips onto the table, onto his hands, and onto Jasper’s face. She was leaning in closer, bringing her horrible visage closer to him, and Jasper felt his sanity beginning to whimper. As she brought the remains of her blackened lips together, he added his scream to the others. As they pressed against his flesh, he let his eyes roll up to the whites. He tried to stay conscious, but the sheer horror of the situation was eroding his mind. This couldn’t be. Things like this weren’t real. Grace was dead, she couldn’t come back to torment him.
As he regained consciousness, he found that he was still chained to the table and the terrible Grace was still sitting across from him.
“You seem to have gotten a little sleepy, my love. That's okay. The Warden was nice enough to extend invitation for the whole night, and I was more than happy to come and see my best fella.”
Jasper screamed, screamed until his throat broke, and when Gauge opened the door at five o’clock, all those present were as silent as the grave.
Gauge led them away like a flock of lambs, easily correcting them when they tried to stumble out of line. He had been doing this for a while, two or three years at least, and he had learned not to question what went on behind that door. He heard begging, screaming, the mad laughter of the deranged, and at the end of the month, he found an extra five hundred dollars added to his check for every Midnight Visitation he conducted.
His smile curdled when he remembered what the Warden had said to him when he gave him the position.
“I know you’re struggling to feed your appetites, and its only a matter of time before you end up inside these walls for doing something foolish. Why not let me help you feed those urges, and in exchange, I won't tell anyone what sort of debauchery you get up to in your spare time.”
The Warden was a weird one, but Gauge had to admit that he always kept his promises.
Gauge wondered what he put these poor saps through, but quickly put it out of his mind.
The Wardens games were none of his concern, and how he chose to discipline his inmates was his business.

I know we're all happy to see Revy/Rock/Majeur just relaxing and enjoying life for once, but I think this is easily the most cringe, out-of-character scene in the whole series thus far and I strongly object to Hiroe's 2nd song choice for a number of reasons.

1. While Easy Like Sunday Morning by The Commodores is undoubtedly a classic song, I think it's a bad fit for this scene. Obviously Rei Hiroe makes the rules here, but I think we can all agree that Revy and Rock joining in a happy-clappy singalong to Guy Ritchie was never gonna be on our bingo cards for this series. It's just very, very out of character for both of them. Revy generally only listens to heavy music that reflects her tough image, so it's weird to see her let her guard down for a relatively sappy song like this one, let alone singing along to it. And Rock never used to show any interest in music until recently in the manga - not to mention, he's quite a self-conscious guy himself - so it feels pretty unnatural for him to suddenly be the kind of guy who sings in public. If Revy and Rock ever WERE going to sing something together, they would both probably have to be extremely drunk already and it would probably have to be a song that doesn't take itself very seriously, or at least has meme status and nobody IRL gets embarrassed about having an ironic singalong to. I've thought really hard about other songs Hiroe could've used in the scene - all the singalong classics - but I can't find one that really works. It just doesn't suit Revy and Rock to do something like this IMO.
2. The anime never used licensed music before, so what's the plan for this scene if this arc gets adapted one day? Will Hiroe try to get the rights to use Easy and the Japanese song Kimi wa 1000%? What if he can't? Will he rewrite the scene with different songs in mind, or will Madhouse have to compose original tracks? In my opinion, it would be easiest if they just cut the singalong part completely. After Revy complains about Majeur's Japanese song and Majeur says "Sorry Revy, how about this one then?" it should just be an original song that sounds similar to Easy. Then Revy could say something like "Hey, now that's more like it" and the three of them could just listen quietly and vibe for the rest of the journey while the sun sets. That would be way more tasteful, don't you think?

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Jasper frowned as he read over the letter, the summons looking like no other mail he’d ever received.
On Saturday, you are summoned to attend Midnight Visitation as part of your rehabilitation. Attendance is non-negotiable, and refusal will result in forced attendance followed by time spent in solitary. Be ready by no later than eleven. The Warden
“Whoa, that's pretty cool,” said Gavin, reading over his shoulder, “Who do you know that would come all the way down here at midnight to see you?”
Jasper didn’t know, and he told him as much. He was in here for killing the last person who had given a crap about him, and he couldn’t think of anyone who would make the trip in the daytime, let alone at night. His parents had disowned him after he’d killed her, and most of his family refused to have anything to do with him. Some of his cousins would still accept his letters, but few of them would bother to write back. Jasper was perplexed by the invitation, but, by the sound of it, it wasn’t much of an invitation anyway. Attendance seemed to be mandatory, and he was pretty sure most of the guards on the compound would enjoy dragging him there in chains.
The letter had come with their mail, and it was one of the few times the guard had called his name. The last year and a half had been difficult for Jasper, but he was getting used to making it on his own. He’d done it all his life, hadn’t he? His mom and dad had been too busy with their own thing to care about their middle child. Barbara was the smart one, Reggy was the athletic people person, and Jasper…well, Jasper was the screw up. His grades had never been too good, his achievements few and far between, and when Grace had come into the picture, his parents figured it was the best Jasper could do.
Jasper had agreed with them. Grace had been his everything from the moment she agreed to go steady with him. Grace was motivated, a natural saleswoman who had strived for something more than middle management. She had a successful business by the time she graduated college, and Jasper was happy to stay at home and keep the house. Jasper provided her with stability, someone to come home to who lacked the means to do any better, but he couldn’t give her the one thing she wanted.
That's why she had left him, and that's why he had killed her.
He couldn’t stand to be apart from her, couldn’t stand for her to be with someone else, and now he was stuck in Stragview for his lapse in judgment.
That's what made the note so cryptic, and the longer he thought about it, the shorter the list of people who would come all the way out here at night became.
He did a little more than wait, he supposed. Jasper had asked around about this Midnight Visitation, but no one seemed to know much about it. The younger guys all shook their heads, and the older guys clammed up when he asked them. It was like a magic spell had been cast over the whole thing, and when you asked some of these guys, it seemed to sap the life out of them before your eyes. Garth, one of the more gregarious murderers on Jasper’s block, had looked downright scared when he’d asked him about the visitation.
“I can’t say nothin,” Garth had said, “and neither will you once you go. It’s a secret that you keep after that. It’s something that changes you, or you keep going back till it does.”
“What changes you?” Jasper had asked, but Garth wouldn’t say anymore.
“Get away from me. Get away, before he thinks I told you.”
He’d left in a hurry then, their chess game only four moves in, and Jasper found he had more questions than before.
He supposed that all would be answered on Saturday, and as the days passed, he found himself a little excited by the whole idea of the thing.
When Saturday night finally arrived, Officer Gauge found him on his bunk, his best uniform still looking ragged, as he waited for whatever might come. Gauge held out a pair of cuffs, telling Jasper that he’d have to cuff him before they left. Jasper nodded, putting his hands behind his back, but Gauge told him that in the front would be fine. Jasper shrugged, it was his show, and let him cuff him in the front. Some of the guys who were still awake made suggestive noises as he left, some of them telling him to enjoy his “night visit”, but a lot of the older guys were noticeably quiet.
Gauge led him to the visitation area, the little spot behind the staff check-in area, and when Jasper shook his cuffs at him, Gauge told him to sit down and put his hands on the eye hook on the table. There were a few guys in here, some of them Jasper knew, but most he didn't, and they all seemed to be cuffed to the protruding hook in the center of the table. Jasper started to buck, but realized it wouldn’t do any good. Whatever this was, they would have him one way or another. He set his hands down on the table, and Gauge pulled a lock out of his pocket. He secured Jasper to the spot before leaving in an all fired hurry.
Whatever was about to happen, Gauge clearly didn’t want any part of it.
Jasper glanced around the room, taking in the men who sat around him. There were about twelve in all, all of them shackled to the table, and they were all spaced so that at least three chairs separated them from another inmate. Most of them looked confused or unsure, but a couple of them looked like they knew what was coming; knew and weren’t looking forward to it. One of them, a big bald bruiser named Dennis, had his head against the table as he cried nakedly between his elbows. Another who Jasper didn’t know was praying in fast spanish. A third, Jasper thought his name might be Conroy, was thrashing around as he pulled at his bonds. His eyes were roving around like a scared horse, and he kept pulling at his cuffs until he heard a lock click near the back of the room.
Then he went still and Jasper thought he saw him listening for something.
A pair of double metal doors at the back of the room burst open then, and Jasper saw a small group walk in unattended by guards. Two of them were children, a pair of twins who looked ghostly under the dim fluorescents. One was a dark haired woman who sat down in front of the man as he prayed. The last was a tall, homely woman who took the seat across from a younger inmate that Jasper couldn’t put a name to. The young man stiffened as she sat down, and the pair was close enough that Jasper could suddenly see that the problem wasn’t the womans face, but rather what was on it. She had a crop of mold growing from ear to ear and as it wove around her eyes, it made her look like she was wearing glasses.
“Hello, Emanuel.” she said, her voice thick but not unhappy to see him, “I see prison had suited you.”
“What the fuck is this?” the inmate said, trying to back away and failing as the chains caught him, “you ain’t real. You look like my ma, but you ain’t my ma.”
“Of course I am, Em. How else would I know about how you drowned me in the bathtub? How else would I know what you did to me before you buried me in the basement? How else would I know how much you cried before you turned yourself in? You felt me watching you from the corner of your room, and it ate at you until you couldn’t take it anymore. The same way,” She leaned in slyly as she grinned, “that you ate at me after I was gone.”
The inmates started making a sound like someone choking on air. He kept pulling away from the woman, but the chains brought him up yet again. Jasper looked away, but he could see similar scenes of horror unfolding around him as more people joined them. The twins sat down in front of the sobbing man, but he wouldn’t lift his head. He wouldn’t look at them, couldn’t look at them, but the longer Jasper looked, the more he could see the bruises around the necks. The deep purple marks looked like individual fingers, and they seemed incable speaking through their bruised throats. They sat menacingly across from him, and every peek he gave them was followed by a hopeless cry of terror.
Others came, men, women, children, mothers, fathers, wives, and everything in between. The inmates' reactions were as varied as the specters. One man could only repeat the phrase “I’m sorry” as a half naked boy of seventeen sat silently across from him. The mother and son he had seen first were now sitting with her hands on his as he rocked and shook his head in negation. What could only be an older man's parents asked if he were proud of what he’d done to them, but he only sat silently and stared right through them.
Jasper wondered when it would be his turn, but he didn’t have long to ponder.
“Sorry I’m late, dear. The commute was dreadful.”
His breath came out as little more than a puff of smoke, and when he turned to look at her, Jasper could tell that it was Grace only by the necklace that she wore. He’d given her that necklace for their third anniversary, and he supposed her parents had left it on her when they buried her. Her face, a face he had loved so much, was gone. She looked like a burn victim, like a used up match stick, and the eyes that looked back at him glowed from empty sockets. Jasper wanted to scream, wanted to pull away as her red and oozing hand came out to touch his, but he couldn’t muster the strength.
She was burnt, her beauty stolen in death, and that too was his fault.
After he’d blind sided her, begging for another chance, she had told him to get lost. She said she couldn’t be with someone who couldn’t give her children, and suggested that he go back to his moms house before her new boyfriend found them together. At the mention of a new boyfriend, he grabbed her by the neck as she turned away and slammed her head against the wall of the stairwell outside her apartment. He had kept right on doing this until she stopped struggling, and even then he did it a few more times. He only stopped when her head began to dribble something besides blood and he realized he had broken her skull. He was scared then, afraid that he would get caught, and when he put her in his car, he wasn’t sure what he intended to do with her.
The police had caught him in his parents backyard, one of her neighbors having seen the whole thing, but by then, Grace had been a charcoal briquette.
He’d heard the funeral had been closed casket, but apparently they hadn’t closed it tight enough.
“Whats wrong dear? Didn’t you tell me you couldn’t live without me? I believe it was a little bit before you smashed my head against the wall. I assumed that, since you’d taken all that time to burn me, that you wanted me to look this way. Well, have a good look, Jasper. See what you’ve done to your Grace!”
Every word she spoke sent flakes of her tongue and lips onto the table, onto his hands, and onto Jasper’s face. She was leaning in closer, bringing her horrible visage closer to him, and Jasper felt his sanity beginning to whimper. As she brought the remains of her blackened lips together, he added his scream to the others. As they pressed against his flesh, he let his eyes roll up to the whites. He tried to stay conscious, but the sheer horror of the situation was eroding his mind. This couldn’t be. Things like this weren’t real. Grace was dead, she couldn’t come back to torment him.
As he regained consciousness, he found that he was still chained to the table and the terrible Grace was still sitting across from him.
“You seem to have gotten a little sleepy, my love. That's okay. The Warden was nice enough to extend invitation for the whole night, and I was more than happy to come and see my best fella.”
Jasper screamed, screamed until his throat broke, and when Gauge opened the door at five o’clock, all those present were as silent as the grave.
Gauge led them away like a flock of lambs, easily correcting them when they tried to stumble out of line. He had been doing this for a while, two or three years at least, and he had learned not to question what went on behind that door. He heard begging, screaming, the mad laughter of the deranged, and at the end of the month, he found an extra five hundred dollars added to his check for every Midnight Visitation he conducted.
His smile curdled when he remembered what the Warden had said to him when he gave him the position.
“I know you’re struggling to feed your appetites, and its only a matter of time before you end up inside these walls for doing something foolish. Why not let me help you feed those urges, and in exchange, I won't tell anyone what sort of debauchery you get up to in your spare time.”
The Warden was a weird one, but Gauge had to admit that he always kept his promises.
Gauge wondered what he put these poor saps through, but quickly put it out of his mind.
The Wardens games were none of his concern, and how he chose to discipline his inmates was his business.

TLDR: I’ve finally had enough of the cheating, lies, manipulation, and abuse and I’m ready to leave for good but my life is in shambles and I’m afraid of him. Seeking advice on how to navigate and recover from this terrible situation I’ve put myself in.
I’ll try to be as brief as I can. It’s a lot…
I was with my child’s daddy for my whole adult life. 14 years. He’s all I ever knew and for the most part, our relationship was great. There was no cheating or abuse. He was a good dad and my best friend. The last couple years were a nonstop barrage of curveballs and hardships that took a big toll on both of us and our relationship. He made some big mistakes that hurt us a lot and I eventually decided we needed to separate.
When I left, he turned into a man I didn’t recognize. It was and still is traumatizing. I thought we’d be best friends, or at least good coparents. I expected him to be angry and fight me initially but I had no idea he was capable of what he’s done. He hates me. False accusations of domestic abuse and infidelity, accusations of mental illness and unfit parenting. Vicious smear campaign and endless frivolous litigation from his team of very expensive men’s rights lawyers trying to take our child from me.
It was the worst thing that had ever happened and I didn’t understand. I was a stay at home mom and we weren’t married so when I left, we agreed to “nest” in our home while it sold, taking turns staying with our daughter to ease her into the transition. But when I left the first night, he changed the locks on our home, filed a police report of lies and a protective order not allowing me near our home or daughter, and hired a lawyer to petition for full custody. He cleared out my bank account. I was penniless with nothing but an overnight bag and my car. Nothing ever stuck because it was always based on lies. He would drop the accusations before we ever saw a judge. But then would start the whole thing over again.
One after another, I was able to prove my innocence against his lies. Even has a full psych eval with third party input that took a week with one of the top doctors in the state to put to rest his claims of being delusional and mentally unstable. The doctor said that I was depressed and had ptsd from what he’d done but that I was otherwise mentally sound. He also noted that in all of his career, he’d never had someone try so hard to manipulate him into a diagnosis and that my ex’s reaction when he caught him in a lie was troubling. He recommended he have a psych eval as well but I didn’t have the 7k to pay for it and I just kept hoping that he would tucker himself out and stop wanting to hurt me. It wasn’t like him and I attributed everything to him feeling helpless and afraid himself, and betrayed and broken hearted that I left. He really is a good man. I hoped if I stayed the course and didn’t fight back other than defending myself, he would want to move forward and focus on rebuilding his life and giving our sweet baby the best childhood possible. I only ever asked for 50/50 and no child support, despite being her primary caretaker while he worked (at his request) for her entire life until then. I wanted nothing but to be left alone.
It was only a little over a year in and I certainly was not ready or healed enough to be dating. But things were getting better. He’d run out of things to accuse me of. I got a job and a cute apartment for my girl and me and it was finally steady. I thought I’d dip my toe back in and try casually dating. I shouldn’t have. I was lonely and still struggled on the days I didn’t have my daughter.
It didn’t take long before I met him. Oh my gosh. An angel. It was whirlwind. I’d never met anyone like him and I didn’t know love could be so good. The most charming, romantic, handsome, perfect man in the world. And he wanted me!?! It was crazy. I was smitten. It was passionate and intimate and exciting every single day. He’d hand write me the most beautiful love letters. My apartment looked like someone died with the amount of flowers he sent. He was always planning amazing adventures for us and doting on me. It made it all make sense. It was all worth it because it lead me to him.
I’m an idiot… And introduced him to my daughter four months in. I’d never been so sure about anything. I mean, we’d already mapped out our future together. This was for keeps. Might as well lean in! And my god, they hit it off instantly. She adored him. She lit up when he came around. He’d bring a bouquet of flowers for each of us. They’d text each other memes and jokes. Ugh my heart. My girl doesn’t like men.. She’s sassy and the way she latched onto him was proof that this was all meant to be.
He has a daughter about the same age! They loved each other, too. My girl always wanted a sibling and it couldn’t be more perfect. My life was perfect. He was the sweetest daddy. He always planned an adventure the weekends we had our girls. He was so thankful I let him be a part of our lives and told me he took it very seriously. He would be a man she could look up to. He would show her stoicism and strength and restore what she had lost from the trauma of what her father did.
He said he was going to marry me. He’d text me house listings and tell me stories of how we’d spend our evenings reading to each other on the porch and watching our babies play.
It was only 6 months in that something changed. He would snap at me for things I didn’t understand. He would get wasted and yell at me for not really loving him. Accuse me of cheating or using him or wanting to make him my “little b**** boy.” It was horrible. I would pour myself into trying to explain away whatever he was on about but it never worked. Always ended in me fleeing and him blocking me for a day or two. Then he would come back full of remorse and regret and say he realized he was looking at it all wrong. He just loved me so much. He would be so sweet again.
I didn’t understand. I’d never experienced anything like this. The highs or the lows. And I loved him so much. I loved the future we were building.
Not long after, during one of his rages, he told me he’d been cheating on me. Not to confess, but to hurt me. He hates when I cry and it makes him so cruel. I was crying about him being mean and mad at me for some drunken thing he made up and he let me have it. Said the meanest things. Ripped me to pieces. And then told me he was sleeping with a beautiful young nurse who was much more fun than me.
I could go on and on. But the gist is that I kept taking him back. And it kept getting worse. Before long, I was completely isolated from my friends and spend every second I had trying to make him happy and get back to the yum we had before.
He’s now admitted to having 6 physical affairs and doesn’t know how many women he “talked to.” I know of at least 3 others that he slept with.
Each time I would find out, he would rage at me and then block me and go be with other women for a few days. Which was bad enough but then I found out about the smear campaign. He’d been spreading vicious lies about me. And most of them mirrored the same accusations my child’s father said. That was intentional. He told everyone in his life that I was mentally ill, abusive, violent, controlling. That I stalked him and got him. He told people I tried to stab him one night.
I found this out because he called my child father and told him all of these things. He claims he was drunk and doesn’t remember it, which could actually be true but I don’t know. My kids dad recorded the phone call and used it to file a motion to take her from me.
He kept promising he would come clean and fix everything he did. Kept saying he needed a couple days to figure out how and to make sure he did me justice. But it kept not happening. It’s been a year now and every time I break down and demand he finally clears my name, he managed to twist the whole conversation into me just wanting revenge for the past and I’m a vengeful abuser that doesn’t love him. And then leaves and blocks me again.
A few months ago, after yet another breakup, I was done. I left for good. But I’m still an idiot and when he came back, he said he had an epiphany and he couldn’t stand the shame and pain of suddenly realizing what he’d done to me. He was ready to be honest and do whatever he could to fix what he broke.
We sat down and he admitted in detail to all the women he physically cheated with. Admitted the lies he told about me. Explained his reasons for everything, which were basically that he’s a scared little boy that doesn’t think I could ever love him and he needed the comfort and validation of others and couldn’t see what it did to me. Partially compartmentalization and partially thinking I wouldn’t care anyway because I didn’t actually care about him and was probably doing all the same things behind his back.
It was an exhausting and emotionally taxing conversation but it was so good to me. He cried with remorse and held me and validated all the things he’s worked so hard to make me feel bad for. I believed him. I had hope again but I was too mentally drained to continue and he was too so we decided to “love bubble” for a couple days and then sit down and actually take steps to fix what he did to me.
When it came, he went right back to the same narrative and behavior as before. That I wanted to punish him and rub his nose in his mistakes and ruin his life. I was livid. I left and took his iPad. Found out he was still cheating with multiple women, that the “truth” he told me was bull, that he was still smearing me and nobody even knew we were seeing each other. And that one of the affairs was with a 19 year old girl he met on a hunting trip while he was still married. He wrote her love letters and poems all day and then snuck her off and got her drunk and slept with her in the backseat of his truck. He hasn’t seen her since but they send nudes and declare each other their soulmates and talk about how they’ll end up together someday. We’re in the process of planning a trip together in the next month.
Gross.
She was 29 years old and he was 41 and married with a child when he went after her. And they’ve continued on for 3 years. One of the love letters he sent her was mine. I wrote it to him. He stole my words and used them to seduce this girl. I found out recently he used that same letter on several of the women he cheated with. It makes me sick.
I think I stayed so long because I felt so helpless in my life. I just wanted to give my daughter a happy family and be a normal person. And I thought I’d found that so when everything was proving otherwise, I was too scared and weak to admit it. I gaslit myself because I was scared what it meant for me to have to go against two men that want to hurt me. I am still too scared.
I still don’t understand. I’m not perfect but I’m good to the men I love. I spoil them. I fulfill all of their fantasies. I’m patient and generous and give endless grace and always look for the good under a mistake. I’m the best hype girl. I love nothing more than lifting up the people I love and showing them how powerful and worthy they are. I hate letting people down.
I have only ever once turned down sex with him. and it was after he’d just yelled at me and made me cry because I found out he rawdogged a tinder woman in our bed and let me sleep in the dirty sheets. He got so angry and accused me of thinking he’s a predator and he ripped the sheets off the bed and threw them at me so hard that when I blocked it, it made my hand hit me in the face and gave me a black eye. Then he chased me out of the house while I was scurrying to get dressed, telling me to Jill myself and nobody would ever love me, and punched the door next to my face as I was trying to open it to leave. Then he called the cops and filed a report saying I hit him. I guess he’s done that several times after I left.
Anyway… sheesh. I’m scatterbrained. So after he’d taken back his promise to clear my name, I told him I would have to do it myself. I started recording his rages after I found out he was telling people I abused him. I also recorded the conversations of him admitting he was lying about me. Also many of the conversations about the women were via text. Including the ones about the teenager, his friend/coworker’s wife, a married woman that worked for him who had a mental breakdown from the affair, etc, etc, etc.
I said that he had the opportunity to clear my name however he wanted to without exposing himself. That I didn’t want to harm his life, just fix mine. He could create a whole new narrative of lies for all I cared as long as it cleared me from the vile things he made up about me.
He broke his hand in the wall next to my head by punching it so hard. I left. He called the police and filed a report that I broke in and hit him. And then hired a lawyer and filed a PO on the basis of domestic violence, stalking, and blackmail. All the while trying to bait me into coming over saying he loved me and wanted to fix it so he could have me arrested.
I didn’t even hire a lawyer because it seemed so absurd and I had so much proof he was lying. If recorded it. I had screenshots of him denying it and telling me to come see him and he wanted to marry me. Also because I was poor. He has gotten me fired from my job a couple weeks prior.
His lawyer was good. She shot down my evidence in the heating and used the police reports as proof… which seems like a weird thing to do because they were his testimony. But the judge said she almost never denies a PO because at the very least, those people should stay away from each other. It was granted based on stalking because I’d made a Google drive file of some recordings and screenshots and sent them to several family members and friends begging them to help me. They ignored me. He told them I was insane and not to open it.
My child’s father used that to take her away again.
I’ve been fighting tooth and nail but I’m drowning. Nobody cares. I’m so worn down and have panic attacks almost every day.
Unsurprisingly, he came back recently. So sorry and full of remorse and shame. She’s it all so much clearer now and can’t live with himself for what he did. Can’t live without me. Tugs my heartstrings talking about reading on the porch of our beautiful family home and reminiscing about the good loving times.
Means promises. Same lies. The thing is, I do believe he means it. I think he means it every time. It’s just that the shame and fear of actually following through and publicly facing what he did makes him retreat and go back to the delusional narrative that I abused him and he didn’t do any of the things he did.
I believe he really means it but I no longer believe he’s capable or will mean it in the times he should. He will not change. He wants to be a good man. Something is broken in him. He stopped drinking bourbon but still drinks beer every night. He abuses steroids and vyvanse and they make him irritable and angry and unpredictable. He has so much self loathing and shame. He hates himself. He’s built like a Greek god, the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen, but he has body dysmorphia and starves himself and binges and runs several miles every single day and also goes to the gym for two hours. He has to smoke those super strong joints dipped in something and take half a bottle of zzzquil to sleep at night. On top of the 10+ beers, steroids, and vyvanse. He never remembers anything and I think he really thinks I’m making a lot of it up but refuses to listen to the recordings.
This time, even though I didn’t believe him, I was so broken and felt so helpless that I let him come back hoping he would at least drop the PO and help me get my daughter home.
He finally dropped the PO after weeks of being sketchy about it. I think he wanted to use it as leverage to protect himself in case I exposed him. I’d go to jail.
But once again, I told him either he needs to clear my name or I would and he’s latched on tot he same old victim narrative that I’m trying to get revenge and destroy him for the past. Has blocked me again. I have a feeling he’s out filing police reports and trying to get another PO. But it won’t work this time because I refused to be physically near him and haven’t told anyone anything yet.
I have to defend myself from his lies to get my daughter back. He’s not going to come clean. But after seeing how rotten the court system is, I am terrified he’s going to either find a way to put me in prison with his lies or kill me if he feels trapped. I really believe if he felt it was hopeless and he was exposed, he would him me and himself.
This was so long. I’m sorry. I’m wordy. It’s a lot. But if anyone read this and can give me some advice, I would be so thankful. I can’t see straight and have no idea what I’m doing. I haven’t left my house in days because I panic and get dizzy trying to go outside. I need help. And I need to never date ever again if I manage to climb out of this mess. I’m not good at it.

How do you think the LOTR map lands will appreciate in value over the longer term (5-10 years+)?
I understand that speculating on any new cards these days is a bit of an uphill battle due to how trigger-happy WOTC is with reprints, as well as the absolute deluge of new cards being printed, which is causing some collector fatigue.
My thoughts on the pros/cons of price appreciation:
Pros: - Big fan base for LOTR - Land style is unique and the map is very iconic - Lower likelihood of mass reprint (IP rights would complicate things and reduce WOTC’s profitability vs a non-LOTR land reprint. Also, the maps lands wouldn’t be in-theme in a regular set, saved for another LOTR set, where they’d probably just print new lands instead) - Price point for the lands seems reasonable (foils can be had for $1.50) - Basic lands, so there’s always demand and these will never go out of style in terms of playability.
Cons: - Seems like a large print run for the set. - Full-art lands are not as special anymore as they’re in every set (I’m an old-timer and this wasn’t always the case) - WOTC profit-driven approach, as mentioned above. Record profits for them, but not good for the secondary market.
Any thoughts are appreciated! I’m thinking of picking up a playset or two myself (part speculation and partly as a LOTR fan).

Jasper frowned as he read over the letter, the summons looking like no other mail he’d ever received.
On Saturday, you are summoned to attend Midnight Visitation as part of your rehabilitation. Attendance is non-negotiable, and refusal will result in forced attendance followed by time spent in solitary. Be ready by no later than eleven. The Warden
“Whoa, that's pretty cool,” said Gavin, reading over his shoulder, “Who do you know that would come all the way down here at midnight to see you?”
Jasper didn’t know, and he told him as much. He was in here for killing the last person who had given a crap about him, and he couldn’t think of anyone who would make the trip in the daytime, let alone at night. His parents had disowned him after he’d killed her, and most of his family refused to have anything to do with him. Some of his cousins would still accept his letters, but few of them would bother to write back. Jasper was perplexed by the invitation, but, by the sound of it, it wasn’t much of an invitation anyway. Attendance seemed to be mandatory, and he was pretty sure most of the guards on the compound would enjoy dragging him there in chains.
The letter had come with their mail, and it was one of the few times the guard had called his name. The last year and a half had been difficult for Jasper, but he was getting used to making it on his own. He’d done it all his life, hadn’t he? His mom and dad had been too busy with their own thing to care about their middle child. Barbara was the smart one, Reggy was the athletic people person, and Jasper…well, Jasper was the screw up. His grades had never been too good, his achievements few and far between, and when Grace had come into the picture, his parents figured it was the best Jasper could do.
Jasper had agreed with them. Grace had been his everything from the moment she agreed to go steady with him. Grace was motivated, a natural saleswoman who had strived for something more than middle management. She had a successful business by the time she graduated college, and Jasper was happy to stay at home and keep the house. Jasper provided her with stability, someone to come home to who lacked the means to do any better, but he couldn’t give her the one thing she wanted.
That's why she had left him, and that's why he had killed her.
He couldn’t stand to be apart from her, couldn’t stand for her to be with someone else, and now he was stuck in Stragview for his lapse in judgment.
That's what made the note so cryptic, and the longer he thought about it, the shorter the list of people who would come all the way out here at night became.
He did a little more than wait, he supposed. Jasper had asked around about this Midnight Visitation, but no one seemed to know much about it. The younger guys all shook their heads, and the older guys clammed up when he asked them. It was like a magic spell had been cast over the whole thing, and when you asked some of these guys, it seemed to sap the life out of them before your eyes. Garth, one of the more gregarious murderers on Jasper’s block, had looked downright scared when he’d asked him about the visitation.
“I can’t say nothin,” Garth had said, “and neither will you once you go. It’s a secret that you keep after that. It’s something that changes you, or you keep going back till it does.”
“What changes you?” Jasper had asked, but Garth wouldn’t say anymore.
“Get away from me. Get away, before he thinks I told you.”
He’d left in a hurry then, their chess game only four moves in, and Jasper found he had more questions than before.
He supposed that all would be answered on Saturday, and as the days passed, he found himself a little excited by the whole idea of the thing.
When Saturday night finally arrived, Officer Gauge found him on his bunk, his best uniform still looking ragged, as he waited for whatever might come. Gauge held out a pair of cuffs, telling Jasper that he’d have to cuff him before they left. Jasper nodded, putting his hands behind his back, but Gauge told him that in the front would be fine. Jasper shrugged, it was his show, and let him cuff him in the front. Some of the guys who were still awake made suggestive noises as he left, some of them telling him to enjoy his “night visit”, but a lot of the older guys were noticeably quiet.
Gauge led him to the visitation area, the little spot behind the staff check-in area, and when Jasper shook his cuffs at him, Gauge told him to sit down and put his hands on the eye hook on the table. There were a few guys in here, some of them Jasper knew, but most he didn't, and they all seemed to be cuffed to the protruding hook in the center of the table. Jasper started to buck, but realized it wouldn’t do any good. Whatever this was, they would have him one way or another. He set his hands down on the table, and Gauge pulled a lock out of his pocket. He secured Jasper to the spot before leaving in an all fired hurry.
Whatever was about to happen, Gauge clearly didn’t want any part of it.
Jasper glanced around the room, taking in the men who sat around him. There were about twelve in all, all of them shackled to the table, and they were all spaced so that at least three chairs separated them from another inmate. Most of them looked confused or unsure, but a couple of them looked like they knew what was coming; knew and weren’t looking forward to it. One of them, a big bald bruiser named Dennis, had his head against the table as he cried nakedly between his elbows. Another who Jasper didn’t know was praying in fast spanish. A third, Jasper thought his name might be Conroy, was thrashing around as he pulled at his bonds. His eyes were roving around like a scared horse, and he kept pulling at his cuffs until he heard a lock click near the back of the room.
Then he went still and Jasper thought he saw him listening for something.
A pair of double metal doors at the back of the room burst open then, and Jasper saw a small group walk in unattended by guards. Two of them were children, a pair of twins who looked ghostly under the dim fluorescents. One was a dark haired woman who sat down in front of the man as he prayed. The last was a tall, homely woman who took the seat across from a younger inmate that Jasper couldn’t put a name to. The young man stiffened as she sat down, and the pair was close enough that Jasper could suddenly see that the problem wasn’t the womans face, but rather what was on it. She had a crop of mold growing from ear to ear and as it wove around her eyes, it made her look like she was wearing glasses.
“Hello, Emanuel.” she said, her voice thick but not unhappy to see him, “I see prison had suited you.”
“What the fuck is this?” the inmate said, trying to back away and failing as the chains caught him, “you ain’t real. You look like my ma, but you ain’t my ma.”
“Of course I am, Em. How else would I know about how you drowned me in the bathtub? How else would I know what you did to me before you buried me in the basement? How else would I know how much you cried before you turned yourself in? You felt me watching you from the corner of your room, and it ate at you until you couldn’t take it anymore. The same way,” She leaned in slyly as she grinned, “that you ate at me after I was gone.”
The inmates started making a sound like someone choking on air. He kept pulling away from the woman, but the chains brought him up yet again. Jasper looked away, but he could see similar scenes of horror unfolding around him as more people joined them. The twins sat down in front of the sobbing man, but he wouldn’t lift his head. He wouldn’t look at them, couldn’t look at them, but the longer Jasper looked, the more he could see the bruises around the necks. The deep purple marks looked like individual fingers, and they seemed incable speaking through their bruised throats. They sat menacingly across from him, and every peek he gave them was followed by a hopeless cry of terror.
Others came, men, women, children, mothers, fathers, wives, and everything in between. The inmates' reactions were as varied as the specters. One man could only repeat the phrase “I’m sorry” as a half naked boy of seventeen sat silently across from him. The mother and son he had seen first were now sitting with her hands on his as he rocked and shook his head in negation. What could only be an older man's parents asked if he were proud of what he’d done to them, but he only sat silently and stared right through them.
Jasper wondered when it would be his turn, but he didn’t have long to ponder.
“Sorry I’m late, dear. The commute was dreadful.”
His breath came out as little more than a puff of smoke, and when he turned to look at her, Jasper could tell that it was Grace only by the necklace that she wore. He’d given her that necklace for their third anniversary, and he supposed her parents had left it on her when they buried her. Her face, a face he had loved so much, was gone. She looked like a burn victim, like a used up match stick, and the eyes that looked back at him glowed from empty sockets. Jasper wanted to scream, wanted to pull away as her red and oozing hand came out to touch his, but he couldn’t muster the strength.
She was burnt, her beauty stolen in death, and that too was his fault.
After he’d blind sided her, begging for another chance, she had told him to get lost. She said she couldn’t be with someone who couldn’t give her children, and suggested that he go back to his moms house before her new boyfriend found them together. At the mention of a new boyfriend, he grabbed her by the neck as she turned away and slammed her head against the wall of the stairwell outside her apartment. He had kept right on doing this until she stopped struggling, and even then he did it a few more times. He only stopped when her head began to dribble something besides blood and he realized he had broken her skull. He was scared then, afraid that he would get caught, and when he put her in his car, he wasn’t sure what he intended to do with her.
The police had caught him in his parents backyard, one of her neighbors having seen the whole thing, but by then, Grace had been a charcoal briquette.
He’d heard the funeral had been closed casket, but apparently they hadn’t closed it tight enough.
“Whats wrong dear? Didn’t you tell me you couldn’t live without me? I believe it was a little bit before you smashed my head against the wall. I assumed that, since you’d taken all that time to burn me, that you wanted me to look this way. Well, have a good look, Jasper. See what you’ve done to your Grace!”
Every word she spoke sent flakes of her tongue and lips onto the table, onto his hands, and onto Jasper’s face. She was leaning in closer, bringing her horrible visage closer to him, and Jasper felt his sanity beginning to whimper. As she brought the remains of her blackened lips together, he added his scream to the others. As they pressed against his flesh, he let his eyes roll up to the whites. He tried to stay conscious, but the sheer horror of the situation was eroding his mind. This couldn’t be. Things like this weren’t real. Grace was dead, she couldn’t come back to torment him.
As he regained consciousness, he found that he was still chained to the table and the terrible Grace was still sitting across from him.
“You seem to have gotten a little sleepy, my love. That's okay. The Warden was nice enough to extend invitation for the whole night, and I was more than happy to come and see my best fella.”
Jasper screamed, screamed until his throat broke, and when Gauge opened the door at five o’clock, all those present were as silent as the grave.
Gauge led them away like a flock of lambs, easily correcting them when they tried to stumble out of line. He had been doing this for a while, two or three years at least, and he had learned not to question what went on behind that door. He heard begging, screaming, the mad laughter of the deranged, and at the end of the month, he found an extra five hundred dollars added to his check for every Midnight Visitation he conducted.
His smile curdled when he remembered what the Warden had said to him when he gave him the position.
“I know you’re struggling to feed your appetites, and its only a matter of time before you end up inside these walls for doing something foolish. Why not let me help you feed those urges, and in exchange, I won't tell anyone what sort of debauchery you get up to in your spare time.”
The Warden was a weird one, but Gauge had to admit that he always kept his promises.
Gauge wondered what he put these poor saps through, but quickly put it out of his mind.
The Wardens games were none of his concern, and how he chose to discipline his inmates was his business.