Ear nose and throat doctor carlsbad |

Strange situation. In January this year (2023) I felt a lump in my throat. This symptom disappeared after two days. Then he came back. When searching for the cause, I found a couple of options: Laryngeal Cancer or Gastroesophageal Reflux. After reading about cancer, the symptoms worsened 100 times. For 2 months I felt it and suddenly it disappeared overnight. The only symptom he feels now is an excess of saliva, he has been feeling "clicking" when extracting saliva for several days. I often had dried blood in my nose in one hole. Next to the tongue I felt a slight small tumor, it looks like afta, it doesn't hurt. I stopped smoking e-cigarettes, the improvement is slight. I do not feel the typical symptoms of reflux, although at the beginning my esophagus burned and I felt a twinge in my chest. Has anyone had similar symptoms? I lead a not very healthy lifestyle, I'm not overweight, I try to drink a lot of fluids (when I drink a lot of beer I don't feel symptoms at all haha) I will be grateful for answers. (I've been to the doctor about it, he said oral candidiasis, cold [I had an enlarged lymph node which I still have, but it's very small, you can barely feel it)]. I apologize for the chaotic post and for not very accurate English.

I am writing this in hopes for some help and to guide others to not have the same fate as me. I think I have made the biggest mistake of my life. It has been 5 months since it happened and I haven't been able to fix it. This phone is the only connection to the realm of my birth. My original world. I probably cannot undo my mistake but I can guide future players.
My phone it's Android. It has an IR blaster, the only reason I bought it, and for some reason, this phone can hold its network through dimensional change. As if it's a loophole, a glitch in the broken matrix that i was facing. Not that i could actually make any use of it because I am still here.
The people here look like us. They all do. They are very sapient. They look just like us. But my bones know that they don't have the same origin as I do. They are good though. Have the same societal issues, the same intolerable governing body, protestors, and unrealistic agendas, the left wing and right wing at each other's throats. People who should touch some grass have podcasts. People who should have podcasts enjoy their lives. They are humans, just like us, but they are not us.
The rules stated by the urban legend still strike the same to this day if time and space follow the same routine, follow the floor number pattern, pay no heed to the lady that enters the elevator on the 5th floor, leave the building immediately if you return to floor 1, etc. I followed them all correctly, but the rules are no guarantee as to whether you will be safe or alive after your elevator journey is done, the rules only make sure the procedure is correct.
Hey you know what I will write down the rules in short, for your reference to my guidelines but the rules should always be memorized to your bones and spine, this is your SOS and your key. You will find the set of rules on any website. I suggest visiting multiple of them before you start your endeavor. Because each of them gives you different kinds of warnings, something the successful players learned from their own experience. And take this advice of reading through all of those points from this unsuccessful player.
One thing the rules on blog sites don't mention is the choice of which world you want to enter. Because most players enter an identical world with no electronics and no living thing around them. Only a red crossed window that's far stretched away from where ever you look and keeps on moving further away from you. My case was vaguely different.

So firstly all you do is enter a building with more than 10 stories.
Enter the lift via the first floor and only by pressing the "up" button
Follow a pattern of floors, press 4 then 2 then 6 then 10 then 5.
On 5 a lady shall or shall not enter your floor. Then press 1
When you press 1, you will either reach 1. or you will reach 10.
If you reach 1, get the f out of the building and don't come near it, not in 6-7 months i suggest.
If you do reach 10 congratulations. your first part of the journey is a success

now Something, about the lady. Do not interact with her at any cost because of course she is not a lady, no matter how pretty she looks, oh you looked at her? alas, that's also a grave mistake. don't look at her, don't talk to her. Just ignore her total existence. If you know of the elevator game you are already aware of how you should not interact with the lady and all. But one thing is often left blurry is that what you should do if she does not enter. This was my case.
So my advice here: If the lady on the 5th floor does not enter. Then just hope that you do return to the 1st floor after you press it. if you do no then, and start ascending. continuously press any and every floor button for it to stop, or maybe the emergency or call button so that the staff can stop the elevator. Because if you end up reaching the 10th floor, good chances are you get to meet me and we make a cute therapy consult group for people who can't return back. :)
I remember everything from that night so vividly. I did your usual pattern follow. I entered the lift when no one was using it. I entered 4. went up there, meh nothing happened. Then again I pressed 2. I felt a vague chill around me. As if the mechanism of the ritual was understanding my intention. I pressed 6, then after it reached 6, I pressed 2, then 10 then 5. Oh, 5. The elevator door opened. And there she was, standing with all her glory. I did not look at her. but of course, i could see her from waist to bottom. She was dressed in Russian traditional clothing. not something i was expecting from an urban legend that became popular in Korea and japan. I think her wardrobe is a good collection from all cultures. or maybe there's more like her? Who knows?
I could feel it in my spine she was looking at me. She stopped the elevator with her foot so that the doors don't close and asked, "Baby which floor are you going?"
I followed the rules, did not look at her, did not reply to her, and completely ignored her.
She said, "Not much of a speaker eh? no worries have your ride. I hope you have a better life."
I have no idea why she said that. Looking back I think she knew what was going to happen to me. She knew that I was not going to end up in the world most player venture into. "Better life," she said.
She did not enter the lift and I pressed 1. The ritual, now tainted because she did not enter, worked. I reached the 10th floor. And when the doors opened, it was like nothing changed. The building I entered was a hotel. The housekeeping staff was running around. I heard children crying. Some Karen was screaming at a worker because her coffee, which she made from their amenities tasted bland. It was very confusing for me. I think I assumed the ritual did not work. And the lady was just another lady who could have been high. I walked out of the elevator and I felt great.
"those silly online urban legends, such lies" I probably had muttered to myself.
I took the lift again, reached the ground floor, and walked out of the building. Everything was going well until my head started hurting and spinning. and i was slowly passing out. and that's the exact moment i remembered from one of the posts of an earlier player "Do not at any chance lose your consciousness. and if you do, no matter where you wake up, return to the building, re-follow the exit ritual pattern and return to your own world."
My head felt dizzy as I woke up. In my very room. I thought to myself, was it all a dream? Did I search so much about some damn urban legend that I had such a deeply engraving dream? For heaven's sake. I jerked myself up and got down from my bed. Even my clothing is same as the last evening. I didn't know what was more weird, that i was wearing the clothes from my dream or that i remember the dream so vividly that i can even recall the outfit i was wearing. Also my phone was in my pocket. This is something i just never do. No matter how sleepy i am. i keep my phone on the other end of my table, in case it might just blast if the lithium goes through a thermal runaway.
AND! That is when i noticed. My table. It was completely on the opposite side. No no, it is right beside my bed, just like every day but the bed, and the entire room, its opposite. As if it were mirroring the room i know. Also, It wasn't just a complete mirror. my room was smaller, just a bit in breadth. One wouldn't notice it even if they visit my room on a weekly basis. But it's my damn room of course i would know even if a fly moved differently. Lo and behold, that extra loss on my room, was added to my washroom. Again, one wouldn't just notice it right away.
In a nightmare-like urgency, I rushed down the stairs to call complain my mother, and that is when the realization hit me that I did, in fact, play the elevator game. My dad was there. In the kitchen. Alive and happily married. Figuratively much different from how I remember him. I stood there in shock with my mouth wide open. How could this be? I remember my father. The last time I lived with him was until I was 9. When my parents parted ways. The last time I saw him was when I was 11, when he died. Not that I cried, he was far from what a father is supposed to be. I am 25 now.
"Good morning Sweetie!" His voice sounded oddly different. I was utterly petrified by this moment. There was a quirky yet calming nature to his sound which creeped me out even more. I dashed out of the house while grabbing my backpack from the sofa. I could hear him call out my name in my concern. This is it. This is definitely it. I crossed the borders of the unknown realm. But why are people here? Isn't it supposed to be dark with no one in it? No electricity and all ? But there is everything. This is a whole other world, what went wrong?
I had to return to my world. I ran through the roads and traffic to the hotel. Hotel Sunset. As I crossed the roads I could see it all. Cars stopping at the orange light. People walking in blue. I mean they are still following basic physics by using orange, longer wavelength for stopping cars. but does Red not exist in this world? not it does, OH MY GOD, the road lines are red.
I hurried through the crowd to reach the hotel. I pulled out my phone, which was surprisingly working perfectly. Internet, gps everything. It said i reached my location. "Hotel sunset"
I looked up, it said "Hotel Moon shine". I am surprised it wasn't named "moon rise", it'd would have been the cherry on top then.
I walked in, the Interior looked the same. I waited and waited and waited for the evening to hit and the horde to lessen. I stood up and walked to the lift. I repeated the entire process.
The lift stopped at 5. Instead of the lady, someone else entered. I of course didn't look up, but they entered hurriedly, screaming my name and i had to look up, i was already freaked out at this point. It was me. I was looking at me. she, well me, or wait she? she held the lift by her foot. What's up with women in the elevator game to hold the elevator by the foot?
"what did you do!? " I - I mean she said, one that looked like me.
"what did i do?" i replied back. . Whoever this doppelganger was. sure i was petrified. but here i was.
"DID THE LADY ENTER YOUR LIFT ?" she screamed at me.
"wha?" i was trembling at her screeching was. the white portion of her eyes started to redden.
"OH MY GOD DID SHE OR NOT ENTER WHEN YOU DID THE RITUAL?" she again proclaimed.
"she didn't." i replied and slowly lost my leg strength and somewhat collapsed while sitting down.
"why? why did you complete the ritual then? did you not read before you did? you are supposed to be me, you are supposed to be smart. heck, aren't you supposed to be smarter? oh my god. is that my backpack or yours?"
I just shook my head and handed her the backpack, it was hers definitely. I never put on any anime pins on mine. Speaking of anime pins, naruto here has pink hair. Isn't that cool?
she took out her phone and said "If you want to go back home go to this tumblr account and download the app. The account is called buihotline.tumblr.com "
And she left.
Was that the me of this universe? do we have counterparts in every universe? How many universes are there? are these even universes the way our science teaches us universes?
The lift started to quake. the light started flickering and I could hear some noise. soft noises that slowly grew louder and louder until they became uncontrollable screams. my ear drums were hurting beyond control. until it all stopped and the lift door opened. I stepped outside. Yet I was still there at "Moon shine hotel".
I tried the ritual again. I ended up back here. To floor 1 and I went back "home" to my "dad" and "mom". For the next 7 days, I kept on going back to the elevator, trying the ritual continuously and failing. On my way, I noticed new and new things about their world. These people like to greet each other in a very weird way. They grab each other's throats and smile. Almost sadistic. Language is very similar, but there are a few words and phrases here and there that have changed with customs and traditions. Honey here tastes like metal. Cows don't Moo, and birds chirp, but the sounds are unfamiliar, dogs don't exist. cats are the only domestic animals here. I read similar things in some blogs, but never did I think I would get to experience them for real.
Either way. On every failed ritual, I reached floor 1 and went back home. and repeated the cycle Until the 7th day, I got so fed up, that I kept on trying multiple times. but all I did was end up on floor 1. But I saw the weirdest thing.
Well, I can fill in on what happens if you immediately don't leave the building after playing the elevator game and ending up on floor 1. You see, well better than seeing failing grades or not being able to return to your own world, ghosts. Yep pretty much. Deranged souls that roam around the building. That is exactly what you see. And once they notice your existence, god save you. If there is any.
Mine was rather sarcastic. They did infact noticed me. They all came running towards me, looked right at me, smelled me and then slowly moved away and kept on about roaming. My heart intensified so much, it felt like I just lost a marathon I almost won.
I saw a man, maybe a bit older than me, in his 20s, walk down the entrance come and sit beside me. "They won't attack someone who's like them. You are of no use to them. They used to belong here, but don't anymore. and you never did."
I looked at him with a frightening shock. I took my bag and ran back home. Only when i came back home i realized he could have had answers. But i was so terrified at the moment, the only thing I could think of was getting away from him. I needed answers. I need to enter the website the other me mentioned. I got a new phone from this world. they didn't have Google, but I tell you their search engine is much better, it has AI integrated within. The account never opened from the new phone. Tumblr did. but that account never did. Then I tried my own phone and voila! The page had nothing. A heading, a two-liner bio, and a link. Link to download the app. Tumblr happens to be one of the only few apps that do work in other dimensions. Apparently, it has something to do with the first person who jumped dimensions, not only did they jump, but they also jumped through time and made sure every world had Tumblr. It's kinda funny they could have chosen Reddit, it's much more effective.
I loaded the app. Its a 2010's forum-based app. There are discussion topics under which you make threads. You got a chat box to interact with other users. the main discussion had a guide. I searched through it and finally came to the part "how to enter and leave a mirror world" aaand its blank. well not totally. A couple of reasons saying why you should not enter it. A bullet point that said download this pdf to know how to return back to your own world. I hurriedly clicked on it and boom the file did not open. I have never been so disappointed in my life.
There are so many dimensions else than the one with red cross and mirror dimensions. it is almost like aliens exist because some "humans" look so different. some people probably might even have ended up on my world as well. I wonder how they are taking it.
Apparently, only devices of one world present in another world, or at least have been in a few can open the website and run the apk file. Only androids work across dimensions. There's a conspiracy theory that the creators of android have got something to do with the entire interdimensional rituals and breaking the laws of space and time.
Either way, hoping to get some results I posted on the site wishing for some advice on opening the file or someone just copy-pasting the rules I guess.
I received a DM saying, "Since you have successfully crossed a mirror dimension You are capable of much more than you can imagine. But you should know how to use them, you have to be responsible for every move you make"
Good lord, I am not Spider-Man. The user further said, " I do not know where you are from, but I am from dimension 17391, go to the universal map translator and put the location, "Kairo office main building, st. red 22209". It will automatically give you a few building locations of your world." But the interface is very slow. Because it's not a singular place that has a counterpart in every dimension, there is one in every 4 hours of journey. It's an arbitrary location. It will take some time. maybe days. But you will reach."
I asked the user a dozen questions, how do I find the translator map, how many universes are there, and what do I do when I reach there? Why does everyone speak English? But they never replied. But now I have something, hope. A twinge of hope.
I searched around the app and found the map feature, build within the forum. It was on the top layer, but a confused me couldn't find it right away.
Ever since I found the map It has been nothing but a dilemma. 5 months. 5 months of intense searching and nothing. The first time I entered the location and searched, it landed me at the coordinates of a graveyard. The Irony. The second time, a fish market, the third, 3-storey guest house with the most normal Karen.
I can't even venture out every day. I have a "life" here that I have to maintain. This me had a similar job. Marketing manager at a pretty good company. The pay is almost the same. A bit lower here, but hey cost of living is also lower here. Putting those two together I probably have the exact same pay. But they have more facilities. Better vacation leaves. That is exactly what i took right after i downloaded the app, to understand the world better, and the changes here and there.
Morning, I go to work. where I sort out the place I will visit. and after work, i leave. Some places were nearby, some were far. One was in the neighboring country, luckily, the passport here is strong. But none of them work. I think I have broken the "not your universe? not the place? click again" button. Sundays and Saturdays are for long-distance locations. Also every day i cannot afford to go, even though the pay is good. In my world I used to live alone with Mum visiting me now and then. She and I had a family business along with my job, so all was good. Here I don't have a place of my own. And I gotta pay the bills around the house and sometimes take care of the business as well. Things are so similar yet different. I feel likeIi live in a deja vu.
By now i have crossed out almost 75 locations within 5 months, all of them being complete failures. I have crossed out 60 universes that aren't this one. I have made multiple posts on that app, describing my condition, where i am, and which universe it might be. If i even know this universe number and input it, the map translator will work much much better. I describe my original universe in the posts expecting someone to understand me and maybe send me a picture of my mother and friends, but all i have received are words of sympathy and hopefulness.
A few more people have send me their "kairo" addresses but they all can send only one to two messages before the chatbox stops. One of them managed to message me that i have to enter my universe number in the settings for the interface to work better. I also haven't been able to find the man from the hotel on the app or at the hotel either.
what do I do? Any piece of advice?

I’m sharing an experience I’ve kept to myself until now because it relates to the recent Las Vegas sighting that’s been on the news about the tall creatures that a family saw after hearing a craft land in their back yard.
Mangala Ghana is the name of the entity I have seen on and off for the past 25 years. The description of how the entity looks matched almost exactly to what the witnesses saw in Vegas. It is 8-10 feet tall with a slender build and pale grayish skin. It has two black insect-like eyes, and a large mouth. No ears, nose, hair, or eye brows.
From ages 5 - 11 this “creature” visited me every night. It wore a long black robe with a hood covering its face. My dad would come lay down with me to help me fall asleep because I told him there was a monster visiting me. I would hear my dad get up to go back to bed with my mom and then the entity would appear by my door. I would then proceed to get up, close my eyes, and sprint to my parents room in sheer terror. I would do this every single night and sleep with my parents for six years when it suddenly just stopped coming.
Fast forward to the age of 25 (I’m 29 now) I was living alone in an apartment. I woke up around 5am. I looked at my bedroom door and saw the entity standing there. When I was a kid I only ever saw it as a very tall being with a robe on and hood concealing it’s face. It never approached me and I never saw it’s face at all.
This time was different. The creature removed its hood, and I saw the features I described earlier. I also “knew” it’s name, I can’t describe why or how. I was experiencing what some would define as sleep paralysis. The moment we made eye contact I was frozen. I tried with all my will to move but could only move my eyes. It approached me and opened its mouth which was full of razor sharp teeth. It then bit my neck and I wanted to scream from the real pain I felt but I couldn’t.
A moment passed and my eye lids closed involuntarily. I opened them again and it was gone. I could move, I ran into the restroom to check my neck which I was sure would have a mark on it. Nothing. I haven’t seen the entity since then but I wanted to share my experience and hear others thoughts.

Hello everyone. I am sorry if this post isn’t like many of the other posts in this group, but I really need to post about this as this condition is bothering the absolute hell out of me.
Back in January I had a puff of weed after a hiatus thanks to a nasty flu, and I felt a little pebble in the bottom of my throat after my puff. I tried coughing, drinking, throwing up, and it would not disappear.
It has been months and I’m still dealing with this. For awhile it went away and I decided to microdose some weed, and bam, I have the globus sensation again. I’ve seen people say Pepcid or anxiety medication works against this (because reflux or anxiety can cause it,) but I take both of these and nothing. 20mg of Escitalopram and 20mg of Pepcid and this lump remains. My doctor prescribed me with a nasal spray for post nasal drip and this works for awhile until recently. I start getting anxious over this which causes my chest to tighten and I become breathless and my dr. sends me in for a chest X-ray that comes back completely clear.
I can see this being anxiety but sometimes I don’t feel anxious and the lump is still there and my chest is weak.
Does anyone have any advice or tips? I’d rather have covid again than deal with this any longer. It’s ruining my quality of life. I have a dr. appointment in two weeks but I am not hopeful considering I’ve had this for so long.

Jasper frowned as he read over the letter, the summons looking like no other mail he’d ever received.
On Saturday, you are summoned to attend Midnight Visitation as part of your rehabilitation. Attendance is non-negotiable, and refusal will result in forced attendance followed by time spent in solitary. Be ready by no later than eleven. The Warden
“Whoa, that's pretty cool,” said Gavin, reading over his shoulder, “Who do you know that would come all the way down here at midnight to see you?”
Jasper didn’t know, and he told him as much. He was in here for killing the last person who had given a crap about him, and he couldn’t think of anyone who would make the trip in the daytime, let alone at night. His parents had disowned him after he’d killed her, and most of his family refused to have anything to do with him. Some of his cousins would still accept his letters, but few of them would bother to write back. Jasper was perplexed by the invitation, but, by the sound of it, it wasn’t much of an invitation anyway. Attendance seemed to be mandatory, and he was pretty sure most of the guards on the compound would enjoy dragging him there in chains.
The letter had come with their mail, and it was one of the few times the guard had called his name. The last year and a half had been difficult for Jasper, but he was getting used to making it on his own. He’d done it all his life, hadn’t he? His mom and dad had been too busy with their own thing to care about their middle child. Barbara was the smart one, Reggy was the athletic people person, and Jasper…well, Jasper was the screw up. His grades had never been too good, his achievements few and far between, and when Grace had come into the picture, his parents figured it was the best Jasper could do.
Jasper had agreed with them. Grace had been his everything from the moment she agreed to go steady with him. Grace was motivated, a natural saleswoman who had strived for something more than middle management. She had a successful business by the time she graduated college, and Jasper was happy to stay at home and keep the house. Jasper provided her with stability, someone to come home to who lacked the means to do any better, but he couldn’t give her the one thing she wanted.
That's why she had left him, and that's why he had killed her.
He couldn’t stand to be apart from her, couldn’t stand for her to be with someone else, and now he was stuck in Stragview for his lapse in judgment.
That's what made the note so cryptic, and the longer he thought about it, the shorter the list of people who would come all the way out here at night became.
He did a little more than wait, he supposed. Jasper had asked around about this Midnight Visitation, but no one seemed to know much about it. The younger guys all shook their heads, and the older guys clammed up when he asked them. It was like a magic spell had been cast over the whole thing, and when you asked some of these guys, it seemed to sap the life out of them before your eyes. Garth, one of the more gregarious murderers on Jasper’s block, had looked downright scared when he’d asked him about the visitation.
“I can’t say nothin,” Garth had said, “and neither will you once you go. It’s a secret that you keep after that. It’s something that changes you, or you keep going back till it does.”
“What changes you?” Jasper had asked, but Garth wouldn’t say anymore.
“Get away from me. Get away, before he thinks I told you.”
He’d left in a hurry then, their chess game only four moves in, and Jasper found he had more questions than before.
He supposed that all would be answered on Saturday, and as the days passed, he found himself a little excited by the whole idea of the thing.
When Saturday night finally arrived, Officer Gauge found him on his bunk, his best uniform still looking ragged, as he waited for whatever might come. Gauge held out a pair of cuffs, telling Jasper that he’d have to cuff him before they left. Jasper nodded, putting his hands behind his back, but Gauge told him that in the front would be fine. Jasper shrugged, it was his show, and let him cuff him in the front. Some of the guys who were still awake made suggestive noises as he left, some of them telling him to enjoy his “night visit”, but a lot of the older guys were noticeably quiet.
Gauge led him to the visitation area, the little spot behind the staff check-in area, and when Jasper shook his cuffs at him, Gauge told him to sit down and put his hands on the eye hook on the table. There were a few guys in here, some of them Jasper knew, but most he didn't, and they all seemed to be cuffed to the protruding hook in the center of the table. Jasper started to buck, but realized it wouldn’t do any good. Whatever this was, they would have him one way or another. He set his hands down on the table, and Gauge pulled a lock out of his pocket. He secured Jasper to the spot before leaving in an all fired hurry.
Whatever was about to happen, Gauge clearly didn’t want any part of it.
Jasper glanced around the room, taking in the men who sat around him. There were about twelve in all, all of them shackled to the table, and they were all spaced so that at least three chairs separated them from another inmate. Most of them looked confused or unsure, but a couple of them looked like they knew what was coming; knew and weren’t looking forward to it. One of them, a big bald bruiser named Dennis, had his head against the table as he cried nakedly between his elbows. Another who Jasper didn’t know was praying in fast spanish. A third, Jasper thought his name might be Conroy, was thrashing around as he pulled at his bonds. His eyes were roving around like a scared horse, and he kept pulling at his cuffs until he heard a lock click near the back of the room.
Then he went still and Jasper thought he saw him listening for something.
A pair of double metal doors at the back of the room burst open then, and Jasper saw a small group walk in unattended by guards. Two of them were children, a pair of twins who looked ghostly under the dim fluorescents. One was a dark haired woman who sat down in front of the man as he prayed. The last was a tall, homely woman who took the seat across from a younger inmate that Jasper couldn’t put a name to. The young man stiffened as she sat down, and the pair was close enough that Jasper could suddenly see that the problem wasn’t the womans face, but rather what was on it. She had a crop of mold growing from ear to ear and as it wove around her eyes, it made her look like she was wearing glasses.
“Hello, Emanuel.” she said, her voice thick but not unhappy to see him, “I see prison had suited you.”
“What the fuck is this?” the inmate said, trying to back away and failing as the chains caught him, “you ain’t real. You look like my ma, but you ain’t my ma.”
“Of course I am, Em. How else would I know about how you drowned me in the bathtub? How else would I know what you did to me before you buried me in the basement? How else would I know how much you cried before you turned yourself in? You felt me watching you from the corner of your room, and it ate at you until you couldn’t take it anymore. The same way,” She leaned in slyly as she grinned, “that you ate at me after I was gone.”
The inmates started making a sound like someone choking on air. He kept pulling away from the woman, but the chains brought him up yet again. Jasper looked away, but he could see similar scenes of horror unfolding around him as more people joined them. The twins sat down in front of the sobbing man, but he wouldn’t lift his head. He wouldn’t look at them, couldn’t look at them, but the longer Jasper looked, the more he could see the bruises around the necks. The deep purple marks looked like individual fingers, and they seemed incable speaking through their bruised throats. They sat menacingly across from him, and every peek he gave them was followed by a hopeless cry of terror.
Others came, men, women, children, mothers, fathers, wives, and everything in between. The inmates' reactions were as varied as the specters. One man could only repeat the phrase “I’m sorry” as a half naked boy of seventeen sat silently across from him. The mother and son he had seen first were now sitting with her hands on his as he rocked and shook his head in negation. What could only be an older man's parents asked if he were proud of what he’d done to them, but he only sat silently and stared right through them.
Jasper wondered when it would be his turn, but he didn’t have long to ponder.
“Sorry I’m late, dear. The commute was dreadful.”
His breath came out as little more than a puff of smoke, and when he turned to look at her, Jasper could tell that it was Grace only by the necklace that she wore. He’d given her that necklace for their third anniversary, and he supposed her parents had left it on her when they buried her. Her face, a face he had loved so much, was gone. She looked like a burn victim, like a used up match stick, and the eyes that looked back at him glowed from empty sockets. Jasper wanted to scream, wanted to pull away as her red and oozing hand came out to touch his, but he couldn’t muster the strength.
She was burnt, her beauty stolen in death, and that too was his fault.
After he’d blind sided her, begging for another chance, she had told him to get lost. She said she couldn’t be with someone who couldn’t give her children, and suggested that he go back to his moms house before her new boyfriend found them together. At the mention of a new boyfriend, he grabbed her by the neck as she turned away and slammed her head against the wall of the stairwell outside her apartment. He had kept right on doing this until she stopped struggling, and even then he did it a few more times. He only stopped when her head began to dribble something besides blood and he realized he had broken her skull. He was scared then, afraid that he would get caught, and when he put her in his car, he wasn’t sure what he intended to do with her.
The police had caught him in his parents backyard, one of her neighbors having seen the whole thing, but by then, Grace had been a charcoal briquette.
He’d heard the funeral had been closed casket, but apparently they hadn’t closed it tight enough.
“Whats wrong dear? Didn’t you tell me you couldn’t live without me? I believe it was a little bit before you smashed my head against the wall. I assumed that, since you’d taken all that time to burn me, that you wanted me to look this way. Well, have a good look, Jasper. See what you’ve done to your Grace!”
Every word she spoke sent flakes of her tongue and lips onto the table, onto his hands, and onto Jasper’s face. She was leaning in closer, bringing her horrible visage closer to him, and Jasper felt his sanity beginning to whimper. As she brought the remains of her blackened lips together, he added his scream to the others. As they pressed against his flesh, he let his eyes roll up to the whites. He tried to stay conscious, but the sheer horror of the situation was eroding his mind. This couldn’t be. Things like this weren’t real. Grace was dead, she couldn’t come back to torment him.
As he regained consciousness, he found that he was still chained to the table and the terrible Grace was still sitting across from him.
“You seem to have gotten a little sleepy, my love. That's okay. The Warden was nice enough to extend invitation for the whole night, and I was more than happy to come and see my best fella.”
Jasper screamed, screamed until his throat broke, and when Gauge opened the door at five o’clock, all those present were as silent as the grave.
Gauge led them away like a flock of lambs, easily correcting them when they tried to stumble out of line. He had been doing this for a while, two or three years at least, and he had learned not to question what went on behind that door. He heard begging, screaming, the mad laughter of the deranged, and at the end of the month, he found an extra five hundred dollars added to his check for every Midnight Visitation he conducted.
His smile curdled when he remembered what the Warden had said to him when he gave him the position.
“I know you’re struggling to feed your appetites, and its only a matter of time before you end up inside these walls for doing something foolish. Why not let me help you feed those urges, and in exchange, I won't tell anyone what sort of debauchery you get up to in your spare time.”
The Warden was a weird one, but Gauge had to admit that he always kept his promises.
Gauge wondered what he put these poor saps through, but quickly put it out of his mind.
The Wardens games were none of his concern, and how he chose to discipline his inmates was his business.

TLDR: I’ve finally had enough of the cheating, lies, manipulation, and abuse and I’m ready to leave for good but my life is in shambles and I’m afraid of him. Seeking advice on how to navigate and recover from this terrible situation I’ve put myself in.
I’ll try to be as brief as I can. It’s a lot…
I was with my child’s daddy for my whole adult life. 14 years. He’s all I ever knew and for the most part, our relationship was great. There was no cheating or abuse. He was a good dad and my best friend. The last couple years were a nonstop barrage of curveballs and hardships that took a big toll on both of us and our relationship. He made some big mistakes that hurt us a lot and I eventually decided we needed to separate.
When I left, he turned into a man I didn’t recognize. It was and still is traumatizing. I thought we’d be best friends, or at least good coparents. I expected him to be angry and fight me initially but I had no idea he was capable of what he’s done. He hates me. False accusations of domestic abuse and infidelity, accusations of mental illness and unfit parenting. Vicious smear campaign and endless frivolous litigation from his team of very expensive men’s rights lawyers trying to take our child from me.
It was the worst thing that had ever happened and I didn’t understand. I was a stay at home mom and we weren’t married so when I left, we agreed to “nest” in our home while it sold, taking turns staying with our daughter to ease her into the transition. But when I left the first night, he changed the locks on our home, filed a police report of lies and a protective order not allowing me near our home or daughter, and hired a lawyer to petition for full custody. He cleared out my bank account. I was penniless with nothing but an overnight bag and my car. Nothing ever stuck because it was always based on lies. He would drop the accusations before we ever saw a judge. But then would start the whole thing over again.
One after another, I was able to prove my innocence against his lies. Even has a full psych eval with third party input that took a week with one of the top doctors in the state to put to rest his claims of being delusional and mentally unstable. The doctor said that I was depressed and had ptsd from what he’d done but that I was otherwise mentally sound. He also noted that in all of his career, he’d never had someone try so hard to manipulate him into a diagnosis and that my ex’s reaction when he caught him in a lie was troubling. He recommended he have a psych eval as well but I didn’t have the 7k to pay for it and I just kept hoping that he would tucker himself out and stop wanting to hurt me. It wasn’t like him and I attributed everything to him feeling helpless and afraid himself, and betrayed and broken hearted that I left. He really is a good man. I hoped if I stayed the course and didn’t fight back other than defending myself, he would want to move forward and focus on rebuilding his life and giving our sweet baby the best childhood possible. I only ever asked for 50/50 and no child support, despite being her primary caretaker while he worked (at his request) for her entire life until then. I wanted nothing but to be left alone.
It was only a little over a year in and I certainly was not ready or healed enough to be dating. But things were getting better. He’d run out of things to accuse me of. I got a job and a cute apartment for my girl and me and it was finally steady. I thought I’d dip my toe back in and try casually dating. I shouldn’t have. I was lonely and still struggled on the days I didn’t have my daughter.
It didn’t take long before I met him. Oh my gosh. An angel. It was whirlwind. I’d never met anyone like him and I didn’t know love could be so good. The most charming, romantic, handsome, perfect man in the world. And he wanted me!?! It was crazy. I was smitten. It was passionate and intimate and exciting every single day. He’d hand write me the most beautiful love letters. My apartment looked like someone died with the amount of flowers he sent. He was always planning amazing adventures for us and doting on me. It made it all make sense. It was all worth it because it lead me to him.
I’m an idiot… And introduced him to my daughter four months in. I’d never been so sure about anything. I mean, we’d already mapped out our future together. This was for keeps. Might as well lean in! And my god, they hit it off instantly. She adored him. She lit up when he came around. He’d bring a bouquet of flowers for each of us. They’d text each other memes and jokes. Ugh my heart. My girl doesn’t like men.. She’s sassy and the way she latched onto him was proof that this was all meant to be.
He has a daughter about the same age! They loved each other, too. My girl always wanted a sibling and it couldn’t be more perfect. My life was perfect. He was the sweetest daddy. He always planned an adventure the weekends we had our girls. He was so thankful I let him be a part of our lives and told me he took it very seriously. He would be a man she could look up to. He would show her stoicism and strength and restore what she had lost from the trauma of what her father did.
He said he was going to marry me. He’d text me house listings and tell me stories of how we’d spend our evenings reading to each other on the porch and watching our babies play.
It was only 6 months in that something changed. He would snap at me for things I didn’t understand. He would get wasted and yell at me for not really loving him. Accuse me of cheating or using him or wanting to make him my “little b**** boy.” It was horrible. I would pour myself into trying to explain away whatever he was on about but it never worked. Always ended in me fleeing and him blocking me for a day or two. Then he would come back full of remorse and regret and say he realized he was looking at it all wrong. He just loved me so much. He would be so sweet again.
I didn’t understand. I’d never experienced anything like this. The highs or the lows. And I loved him so much. I loved the future we were building.
Not long after, during one of his rages, he told me he’d been cheating on me. Not to confess, but to hurt me. He hates when I cry and it makes him so cruel. I was crying about him being mean and mad at me for some drunken thing he made up and he let me have it. Said the meanest things. Ripped me to pieces. And then told me he was sleeping with a beautiful young nurse who was much more fun than me.
I could go on and on. But the gist is that I kept taking him back. And it kept getting worse. Before long, I was completely isolated from my friends and spend every second I had trying to make him happy and get back to the yum we had before.
He’s now admitted to having 6 physical affairs and doesn’t know how many women he “talked to.” I know of at least 3 others that he slept with.
Each time I would find out, he would rage at me and then block me and go be with other women for a few days. Which was bad enough but then I found out about the smear campaign. He’d been spreading vicious lies about me. And most of them mirrored the same accusations my child’s father said. That was intentional. He told everyone in his life that I was mentally ill, abusive, violent, controlling. That I stalked him and hit him. He told people I tried to stab him one night.
I found this out because he called my child father and told him all of these things. He claims he was drunk and doesn’t remember it, which could actually be true but I don’t know. My kids dad recorded the phone call and used it to file a motion to take her from me.
He kept promising he would come clean and fix everything he did. Kept saying he needed a couple days to figure out how and to make sure he did me justice. But it kept not happening. It’s been a year now and every time I break down and demand he finally clears my name, he managed to twist the whole conversation into me just wanting revenge for the past and I’m a vengeful abuser that doesn’t love him. And then leaves and blocks me again.
A few months ago, after yet another breakup, I was done. I left for good. But I’m still an idiot and when he came back, he said he had an epiphany and he couldn’t stand the shame and pain of suddenly realizing what he’d done to me. He was ready to be honest and do whatever he could to fix what he broke.
We sat down and he admitted in detail to all the women he physically cheated with. Admitted the lies he told about me. Explained his reasons for everything, which were basically that he’s a scared little boy that doesn’t think I could ever love him and he needed the comfort and validation of others and couldn’t see what it did to me. Partially compartmentalization and partially thinking I wouldn’t care anyway because I didn’t actually care about him and was probably doing all the same things behind his back.
It was an exhausting and emotionally taxing conversation but it was so good to me. He cried with remorse and held me and validated all the things he’s worked so hard to make me feel bad for. I believed him. I had hope again but I was too mentally drained to continue and he was too so we decided to “love bubble” for a couple days and then sit down and actually take steps to fix what he did to me.
When it came, he went right back to the same narrative and behavior as before. That I wanted to punish him and rub his nose in his mistakes and ruin his life. I was livid. I left and took his iPad. Found out he was still cheating with multiple women, that the “truth” he told me was bull, that he was still smearing me and nobody even knew we were seeing each other. And that one of the affairs was with a 19 year old girl he met on a hunting trip while he was still married. He wrote her love letters and poems all day and then snuck her off and got her drunk and slept with her in the backseat of his truck. He hasn’t seen her since but they send nudes and declare each other their soulmates and talk about how they’ll end up together someday. We’re in the process of planning a trip together in the next month.
Gross.
She was 19 years old and he was 41 and married with a child when he went after her. And they’ve continued on for 3 years. One of the love letters he sent her was mine. I wrote it to him. He stole my words and used them to seduce this girl. I found out recently he used that same letter on several of the women he cheated with. It makes me sick.
I think I stayed so long because I felt so helpless in my life. I just wanted to give my daughter a happy family and be a normal person. And I thought I’d found that so when everything was proving otherwise, I was too scared and weak to admit it. I gaslit myself because I was scared what it meant for me to have to go against two men that want to hurt me. I am still too scared.
I still don’t understand. I’m not perfect but I’m good to the men I love. I spoil them. I fulfill all of their fantasies. I’m patient and generous and give endless grace and always look for the good under a mistake. I’m the best hype girl. I love nothing more than lifting up the people I love and showing them how powerful and worthy they are. I hate letting people down.
I have only ever once turned down sex with him. and it was after he’d just yelled at me and made me cry because I found out he rawdogged a tinder woman in our bed and let me sleep in the dirty sheets. He got so angry and accused me of thinking he’s a predator and he ripped the sheets off the bed and threw them at me so hard that when I blocked it, it made my hand hit me in the face and gave me a black eye. Then he chased me out of the house while I was scurrying to get dressed, telling me to Jill myself and nobody would ever love me, and punched the door next to my face as I was trying to open it to leave. Then he called the cops and filed a report saying I hit him. I guess he’s done that several times after I left.
Anyway… sheesh. I’m scatterbrained. So after he’d taken back his promise to clear my name, I told him I would have to do it myself. I started recording his rages after I found out he was telling people I abused him. I also recorded the conversations of him admitting he was lying about me. Also many of the conversations about the women were via text. Including the ones about the teenager, his friend/coworker’s wife, a married woman that worked for him who had a mental breakdown from the affair, etc, etc, etc.
I said that he had the opportunity to clear my name however he wanted to without exposing himself. That I didn’t want to harm his life, just fix mine. He could create a whole new narrative of lies for all I cared as long as it cleared me from the vile things he made up about me.
He broke his hand in the wall next to my head by punching it so hard. I left. He called the police and filed a report that I broke in and hit him. And then hired a lawyer and filed a PO on the basis of domestic violence, stalking, and blackmail. All the while trying to bait me into coming over saying he loved me and wanted to fix it so he could have me arrested.
I didn’t even hire a lawyer because it seemed so absurd and I had so much proof he was lying. If recorded it. I had screenshots of him denying it and telling me to come see him and he wanted to marry me. Also because I was poor. He has gotten me fired from my job a couple weeks prior.
His lawyer was good. She shot down my evidence in the heating and used the police reports as proof… which seems like a weird thing to do because they were his testimony. But the judge said she almost never denies a PO because at the very least, those people should stay away from each other. It was granted based on stalking because I’d made a Google drive file of some recordings and screenshots and sent them to several family members and friends begging them to help me. They ignored me. He told them I was insane and not to open it.
My child’s father used that to take her away again.
I’ve been fighting tooth and nail but I’m drowning. Nobody cares. I’m so worn down and have panic attacks almost every day.
Unsurprisingly, he came back recently. So sorry and full of remorse and shame. She’s it all so much clearer now and can’t live with himself for what he did. Can’t live without me. Tugs my heartstrings talking about reading on the porch of our beautiful family home and reminiscing about the good loving times.
Means promises. Same lies. The thing is, I do believe he means it. I think he means it every time. It’s just that the shame and fear of actually following through and publicly facing what he did makes him retreat and go back to the delusional narrative that I abused him and he didn’t do any of the things he did.
I believe he really means it but I no longer believe he’s capable or will mean it in the times he should. He will not change. He wants to be a good man. Something is broken in him. He stopped drinking bourbon but still drinks beer every night. He abuses steroids and vyvanse and they make him irritable and angry and unpredictable. He has so much self loathing and shame. He hates himself. He’s built like a Greek god, the most gorgeous man I’ve ever seen, but he has body dysmorphia and starves himself and binges and runs several miles every single day and also goes to the gym for two hours. He has to smoke those super strong joints dipped in something and take half a bottle of zzzquil to sleep at night. On top of the 10+ beers, steroids, and vyvanse. He never remembers anything and I think he really thinks I’m making a lot of it up but refuses to listen to the recordings.
This time, even though I didn’t believe him, I was so broken and felt so helpless that I let him come back hoping he would at least drop the PO and help me get my daughter home.
He finally dropped the PO after weeks of being sketchy about it. I think he wanted to use it as leverage to protect himself in case I exposed him. I’d go to jail.
But once again, I told him either he needs to clear my name or I would and he’s latched on tot he same old victim narrative that I’m trying to get revenge and destroy him for the past. Has blocked me again. I have a feeling he’s out filing police reports and trying to get another PO. But it won’t work this time because I refused to be physically near him and haven’t told anyone anything yet.
I have to defend myself from his lies to get my daughter back. He’s not going to come clean. But after seeing how rotten the court system is, I am terrified he’s going to either find a way to put me in prison with his lies or kill me if he feels trapped. I really believe if he felt it was hopeless and he was exposed, he would him me and himself.
This was so long. I’m sorry. I’m wordy. It’s a lot. But if anyone read this and can give me some advice, I would be so thankful. I can’t see straight and have no idea what I’m doing. I haven’t left my house in days because I panic and get dizzy trying to go outside. I need help. And I need to never date ever again if I manage to climb out of this mess. I’m not good at it.

Jasper frowned as he read over the letter, the summons looking like no other mail he’d ever received.
On Saturday, you are summoned to attend Midnight Visitation as part of your rehabilitation. Attendance is non-negotiable, and refusal will result in forced attendance followed by time spent in solitary. Be ready by no later than eleven. The Warden
“Whoa, that's pretty cool,” said Gavin, reading over his shoulder, “Who do you know that would come all the way down here at midnight to see you?”
Jasper didn’t know, and he told him as much. He was in here for killing the last person who had given a crap about him, and he couldn’t think of anyone who would make the trip in the daytime, let alone at night. His parents had disowned him after he’d killed her, and most of his family refused to have anything to do with him. Some of his cousins would still accept his letters, but few of them would bother to write back. Jasper was perplexed by the invitation, but, by the sound of it, it wasn’t much of an invitation anyway. Attendance seemed to be mandatory, and he was pretty sure most of the guards on the compound would enjoy dragging him there in chains.
The letter had come with their mail, and it was one of the few times the guard had called his name. The last year and a half had been difficult for Jasper, but he was getting used to making it on his own. He’d done it all his life, hadn’t he? His mom and dad had been too busy with their own thing to care about their middle child. Barbara was the smart one, Reggy was the athletic people person, and Jasper…well, Jasper was the screw up. His grades had never been too good, his achievements few and far between, and when Grace had come into the picture, his parents figured it was the best Jasper could do.
Jasper had agreed with them. Grace had been his everything from the moment she agreed to go steady with him. Grace was motivated, a natural saleswoman who had strived for something more than middle management. She had a successful business by the time she graduated college, and Jasper was happy to stay at home and keep the house. Jasper provided her with stability, someone to come home to who lacked the means to do any better, but he couldn’t give her the one thing she wanted.
That's why she had left him, and that's why he had killed her.
He couldn’t stand to be apart from her, couldn’t stand for her to be with someone else, and now he was stuck in Stragview for his lapse in judgment.
That's what made the note so cryptic, and the longer he thought about it, the shorter the list of people who would come all the way out here at night became.
He did a little more than wait, he supposed. Jasper had asked around about this Midnight Visitation, but no one seemed to know much about it. The younger guys all shook their heads, and the older guys clammed up when he asked them. It was like a magic spell had been cast over the whole thing, and when you asked some of these guys, it seemed to sap the life out of them before your eyes. Garth, one of the more gregarious murderers on Jasper’s block, had looked downright scared when he’d asked him about the visitation.
“I can’t say nothin,” Garth had said, “and neither will you once you go. It’s a secret that you keep after that. It’s something that changes you, or you keep going back till it does.”
“What changes you?” Jasper had asked, but Garth wouldn’t say anymore.
“Get away from me. Get away, before he thinks I told you.”
He’d left in a hurry then, their chess game only four moves in, and Jasper found he had more questions than before.
He supposed that all would be answered on Saturday, and as the days passed, he found himself a little excited by the whole idea of the thing.
When Saturday night finally arrived, Officer Gauge found him on his bunk, his best uniform still looking ragged, as he waited for whatever might come. Gauge held out a pair of cuffs, telling Jasper that he’d have to cuff him before they left. Jasper nodded, putting his hands behind his back, but Gauge told him that in the front would be fine. Jasper shrugged, it was his show, and let him cuff him in the front. Some of the guys who were still awake made suggestive noises as he left, some of them telling him to enjoy his “night visit”, but a lot of the older guys were noticeably quiet.
Gauge led him to the visitation area, the little spot behind the staff check-in area, and when Jasper shook his cuffs at him, Gauge told him to sit down and put his hands on the eye hook on the table. There were a few guys in here, some of them Jasper knew, but most he didn't, and they all seemed to be cuffed to the protruding hook in the center of the table. Jasper started to buck, but realized it wouldn’t do any good. Whatever this was, they would have him one way or another. He set his hands down on the table, and Gauge pulled a lock out of his pocket. He secured Jasper to the spot before leaving in an all fired hurry.
Whatever was about to happen, Gauge clearly didn’t want any part of it.
Jasper glanced around the room, taking in the men who sat around him. There were about twelve in all, all of them shackled to the table, and they were all spaced so that at least three chairs separated them from another inmate. Most of them looked confused or unsure, but a couple of them looked like they knew what was coming; knew and weren’t looking forward to it. One of them, a big bald bruiser named Dennis, had his head against the table as he cried nakedly between his elbows. Another who Jasper didn’t know was praying in fast spanish. A third, Jasper thought his name might be Conroy, was thrashing around as he pulled at his bonds. His eyes were roving around like a scared horse, and he kept pulling at his cuffs until he heard a lock click near the back of the room.
Then he went still and Jasper thought he saw him listening for something.
A pair of double metal doors at the back of the room burst open then, and Jasper saw a small group walk in unattended by guards. Two of them were children, a pair of twins who looked ghostly under the dim fluorescents. One was a dark haired woman who sat down in front of the man as he prayed. The last was a tall, homely woman who took the seat across from a younger inmate that Jasper couldn’t put a name to. The young man stiffened as she sat down, and the pair was close enough that Jasper could suddenly see that the problem wasn’t the womans face, but rather what was on it. She had a crop of mold growing from ear to ear and as it wove around her eyes, it made her look like she was wearing glasses.
“Hello, Emanuel.” she said, her voice thick but not unhappy to see him, “I see prison had suited you.”
“What the fuck is this?” the inmate said, trying to back away and failing as the chains caught him, “you ain’t real. You look like my ma, but you ain’t my ma.”
“Of course I am, Em. How else would I know about how you drowned me in the bathtub? How else would I know what you did to me before you buried me in the basement? How else would I know how much you cried before you turned yourself in? You felt me watching you from the corner of your room, and it ate at you until you couldn’t take it anymore. The same way,” She leaned in slyly as she grinned, “that you ate at me after I was gone.”
The inmates started making a sound like someone choking on air. He kept pulling away from the woman, but the chains brought him up yet again. Jasper looked away, but he could see similar scenes of horror unfolding around him as more people joined them. The twins sat down in front of the sobbing man, but he wouldn’t lift his head. He wouldn’t look at them, couldn’t look at them, but the longer Jasper looked, the more he could see the bruises around the necks. The deep purple marks looked like individual fingers, and they seemed incable speaking through their bruised throats. They sat menacingly across from him, and every peek he gave them was followed by a hopeless cry of terror.
Others came, men, women, children, mothers, fathers, wives, and everything in between. The inmates' reactions were as varied as the specters. One man could only repeat the phrase “I’m sorry” as a half naked boy of seventeen sat silently across from him. The mother and son he had seen first were now sitting with her hands on his as he rocked and shook his head in negation. What could only be an older man's parents asked if he were proud of what he’d done to them, but he only sat silently and stared right through them.
Jasper wondered when it would be his turn, but he didn’t have long to ponder.
“Sorry I’m late, dear. The commute was dreadful.”
His breath came out as little more than a puff of smoke, and when he turned to look at her, Jasper could tell that it was Grace only by the necklace that she wore. He’d given her that necklace for their third anniversary, and he supposed her parents had left it on her when they buried her. Her face, a face he had loved so much, was gone. She looked like a burn victim, like a used up match stick, and the eyes that looked back at him glowed from empty sockets. Jasper wanted to scream, wanted to pull away as her red and oozing hand came out to touch his, but he couldn’t muster the strength.
She was burnt, her beauty stolen in death, and that too was his fault.
After he’d blind sided her, begging for another chance, she had told him to get lost. She said she couldn’t be with someone who couldn’t give her children, and suggested that he go back to his moms house before her new boyfriend found them together. At the mention of a new boyfriend, he grabbed her by the neck as she turned away and slammed her head against the wall of the stairwell outside her apartment. He had kept right on doing this until she stopped struggling, and even then he did it a few more times. He only stopped when her head began to dribble something besides blood and he realized he had broken her skull. He was scared then, afraid that he would get caught, and when he put her in his car, he wasn’t sure what he intended to do with her.
The police had caught him in his parents backyard, one of her neighbors having seen the whole thing, but by then, Grace had been a charcoal briquette.
He’d heard the funeral had been closed casket, but apparently they hadn’t closed it tight enough.
“Whats wrong dear? Didn’t you tell me you couldn’t live without me? I believe it was a little bit before you smashed my head against the wall. I assumed that, since you’d taken all that time to burn me, that you wanted me to look this way. Well, have a good look, Jasper. See what you’ve done to your Grace!”
Every word she spoke sent flakes of her tongue and lips onto the table, onto his hands, and onto Jasper’s face. She was leaning in closer, bringing her horrible visage closer to him, and Jasper felt his sanity beginning to whimper. As she brought the remains of her blackened lips together, he added his scream to the others. As they pressed against his flesh, he let his eyes roll up to the whites. He tried to stay conscious, but the sheer horror of the situation was eroding his mind. This couldn’t be. Things like this weren’t real. Grace was dead, she couldn’t come back to torment him.
As he regained consciousness, he found that he was still chained to the table and the terrible Grace was still sitting across from him.
“You seem to have gotten a little sleepy, my love. That's okay. The Warden was nice enough to extend invitation for the whole night, and I was more than happy to come and see my best fella.”
Jasper screamed, screamed until his throat broke, and when Gauge opened the door at five o’clock, all those present were as silent as the grave.
Gauge led them away like a flock of lambs, easily correcting them when they tried to stumble out of line. He had been doing this for a while, two or three years at least, and he had learned not to question what went on behind that door. He heard begging, screaming, the mad laughter of the deranged, and at the end of the month, he found an extra five hundred dollars added to his check for every Midnight Visitation he conducted.
His smile curdled when he remembered what the Warden had said to him when he gave him the position.
“I know you’re struggling to feed your appetites, and its only a matter of time before you end up inside these walls for doing something foolish. Why not let me help you feed those urges, and in exchange, I won't tell anyone what sort of debauchery you get up to in your spare time.”
The Warden was a weird one, but Gauge had to admit that he always kept his promises.
Gauge wondered what he put these poor saps through, but quickly put it out of his mind.
The Wardens games were none of his concern, and how he chose to discipline his inmates was his business.

Jasper frowned as he read over the letter, the summons looking like no other mail he’d ever received.
On Saturday, you are summoned to attend Midnight Visitation as part of your rehabilitation. Attendance is non-negotiable, and refusal will result in forced attendance followed by time spent in solitary. Be ready by no later than eleven.
The Warden
“Whoa, that's pretty cool,” said Gavin, reading over his shoulder, “Who do you know that would come all the way down here at midnight to see you?”
Jasper didn’t know, and he told him as much. He was in here for killing the last person who had given a crap about him, and he couldn’t think of anyone who would make the trip in the daytime, let alone at night. His parents had disowned him after he’d killed her, and most of his family refused to have anything to do with him. Some of his cousins would still accept his letters, but few of them would bother to write back. Jasper was perplexed by the invitation, but, by the sound of it, it wasn’t much of an invitation anyway. Attendance seemed to be mandatory, and he was pretty sure most of the guards on the compound would enjoy dragging him there in chains.
The letter had come with their mail, and it was one of the few times the guard had called his name. The last year and a half had been difficult for Jasper, but he was getting used to making it on his own. He’d done it all his life, hadn’t he? His mom and dad had been too busy with their own thing to care about their middle child. Barbara was the smart one, Reggy was the athletic people person, and Jasper…well, Jasper was the screw up. His grades had never been too good, his achievements few and far between, and when Grace had come into the picture, his parents figured it was the best Jasper could do.
Jasper had agreed with them. Grace had been his everything from the moment she agreed to go steady with him. Grace was motivated, a natural saleswoman who had strived for something more than middle management. She had a successful business by the time she graduated college, and Jasper was happy to stay at home and keep the house. Jasper provided her with stability, someone to come home to who lacked the means to do any better, but he couldn’t give her the one thing she wanted.
That's why she had left him, and that's why he had killed her.
He couldn’t stand to be apart from her, couldn’t stand for her to be with someone else, and now he was stuck in Stragview for his lapse in judgment.
That's what made the note so cryptic, and the longer he thought about it, the shorter the list of people who would come all the way out here at night became.
He did a little more than wait, he supposed. Jasper had asked around about this Midnight Visitation, but no one seemed to know much about it. The younger guys all shook their heads, and the older guys clammed up when he asked them. It was like a magic spell had been cast over the whole thing, and when you asked some of these guys, it seemed to sap the life out of them before your eyes. Garth, one of the more gregarious murderers on Jasper’s block, had looked downright scared when he’d asked him about the visitation.
“I can’t say nothin,” Garth had said, “and neither will you once you go. It’s a secret that you keep after that. It’s something that changes you, or you keep going back till it does.”
“What changes you?” Jasper had asked, but Garth wouldn’t say anymore.
“Get away from me. Get away, before he thinks I told you.”
He’d left in a hurry then, their chess game only four moves in, and Jasper found he had more questions than before.
He supposed that all would be answered on Saturday, and as the days passed, he found himself a little excited by the whole idea of the thing.
When Saturday night finally arrived, Officer Gauge found him on his bunk, his best uniform still looking ragged, as he waited for whatever might come. Gauge held out a pair of cuffs, telling Jasper that he’d have to cuff him before they left. Jasper nodded, putting his hands behind his back, but Gauge told him that in the front would be fine. Jasper shrugged, it was his show, and let him cuff him in the front. Some of the guys who were still awake made suggestive noises as he left, some of them telling him to enjoy his “night visit”, but a lot of the older guys were noticeably quiet.
Gauge led him to the visitation area, the little spot behind the staff check-in area, and when Jasper shook his cuffs at him, Gauge told him to sit down and put his hands on the eye hook on the table. There were a few guys in here, some of them Jasper knew, but most he didn't, and they all seemed to be cuffed to the protruding hook in the center of the table. Jasper started to buck, but realized it wouldn’t do any good. Whatever this was, they would have him one way or another. He set his hands down on the table, and Gauge pulled a lock out of his pocket. He secured Jasper to the spot before leaving in an all fired hurry.
Whatever was about to happen, Gauge clearly didn’t want any part of it.
Jasper glanced around the room, taking in the men who sat around him. There were about twelve in all, all of them shackled to the table, and they were all spaced so that at least three chairs separated them from another inmate. Most of them looked confused or unsure, but a couple of them looked like they knew what was coming; knew and weren’t looking forward to it. One of them, a big bald bruiser named Dennis, had his head against the table as he cried nakedly between his elbows. Another who Jasper didn’t know was praying in fast spanish. A third, Jasper thought his name might be Conroy, was thrashing around as he pulled at his bonds. His eyes were roving around like a scared horse, and he kept pulling at his cuffs until he heard a lock click near the back of the room.
Then he went still and Jasper thought he saw him listening for something.
A pair of double metal doors at the back of the room burst open then, and Jasper saw a small group walk in unattended by guards. Two of them were children, a pair of twins who looked ghostly under the dim fluorescents. One was a dark haired woman who sat down in front of the man as he prayed. The last was a tall, homely woman who took the seat across from a younger inmate that Jasper couldn’t put a name to. The young man stiffened as she sat down, and the pair was close enough that Jasper could suddenly see that the problem wasn’t the womans face, but rather what was on it.
She had a crop of mold growing from ear to ear and as it wove around her eyes, it made her look like she was wearing glasses.
“Hello, Emanuel.” she said, her voice thick but not unhappy to see him, “I see prison had suited you.”
“What the fuck is this?” the inmate said, trying to back away and failing as the chains caught him, “you ain’t real. You look like my ma, but you ain’t my ma.”
“Of course I am, Em. How else would I know about how you drowned me in the bathtub? How else would I know what you did to me before you buried me in the basement? How else would I know how much you cried before you turned yourself in? You felt me watching you from the corner of your room, and it ate at you until you couldn’t take it anymore. The same way,” She leaned in slyly as she grinned, “that you ate at me after I was gone.”
The inmates started making a sound like someone choking on air. He kept pulling away from the woman, but the chains brought him up yet again. Jasper looked away, but he could see similar scenes of horror unfolding around him as more people joined them. The twins sat down in front of the sobbing man, but he wouldn’t lift his head. He wouldn’t look at them, couldn’t look at them, but the longer Jasper looked, the more he could see the bruises around the necks. The deep purple marks looked like individual fingers, and they seemed incable speaking through their bruised throats. They sat menacingly across from him, and every peek he gave them was followed by a hopeless cry of terror.
Others came, men, women, children, mothers, fathers, wives, and everything in between. The inmates' reactions were as varied as the specters. One man could only repeat the phrase “I’m sorry” as a half naked boy of seventeen sat silently across from him. The mother and son he had seen first were now sitting with her hands on his as he rocked and shook his head in negation. What could only be an older man's parents asked if he were proud of what he’d done to them, but he only sat silently and stared right through them.
Jasper wondered when it would be his turn, but he didn’t have long to ponder.
“Sorry I’m late, dear. The commute was dreadful.”
His breath came out as little more than a puff of smoke, and when he turned to look at her, Jasper could tell that it was Grace only by the necklace that she wore. He’d given her that necklace for their third anniversary, and he supposed her parents had left it on her when they buried her. Her face, a face he had loved so much, was gone. She looked like a burn victim, like a used up match stick, and the eyes that looked back at him glowed from empty sockets. Jasper wanted to scream, wanted to pull away as her red and oozing hand came out to touch his, but he couldn’t muster the strength.
She was burnt, her beauty stolen in death, and that too was his fault.
After he’d blind sided her, begging for another chance, she had told him to get lost. She said she couldn’t be with someone who couldn’t give her children, and suggested that he go back to his moms house before her new boyfriend found them together. At the mention of a new boyfriend, he grabbed her by the neck as she turned away and slammed her head against the wall of the stairwell outside her apartment. He had kept right on doing this until she stopped struggling, and even then he did it a few more times. He only stopped when her head began to dribble something besides blood and he realized he had broken her skull. He was scared then, afraid that he would get caught, and when he put her in his car, he wasn’t sure what he intended to do with her.
The police had caught him in his parents backyard, one of her neighbors having seen the whole thing, but by then, Grace had been a charcoal briquette.
He’d heard the funeral had been closed casket, but apparently they hadn’t closed it tight enough.
“Whats wrong dear? Didn’t you tell me you couldn’t live without me? I believe it was a little bit before you smashed my head against the wall. I assumed that, since you’d taken all that time to burn me, that you wanted me to look this way. Well, have a good look, Jasper. See what you’ve done to your Grace!”
Every word she spoke sent flakes of her tongue and lips onto the table, onto his hands, and onto Jasper’s face. She was leaning in closer, bringing her horrible visage closer to him, and Jasper felt his sanity beginning to whimper. As she brought the remains of her blackened lips together, he added his scream to the others. As they pressed against his flesh, he let his eyes roll up to the whites. He tried to stay conscious, but the sheer horror of the situation was eroding his mind. This couldn’t be. Things like this weren’t real. Grace was dead, she couldn’t come back to torment him.
As he regained consciousness, he found that he was still chained to the table and the terrible Grace was still sitting across from him.
“You seem to have gotten a little sleepy, my love. That's okay. The Warden was nice enough to extend invitation for the whole night, and I was more than happy to come and see my best fella.”
Jasper screamed, screamed until his throat broke, and when Gauge opened the door at five o’clock, all those present were as silent as the grave.
Gauge led them away like a flock of lambs, easily correcting them when they tried to stumble out of line. He had been doing this for a while, two or three years at least, and he had learned not to question what went on behind that door. He heard begging, screaming, the mad laughter of the deranged, and at the end of the month, he found an extra five hundred dollars added to his check for every Midnight Visitation he conducted.
His smile curdled when he remembered what the Warden had said to him when he gave him the position.
“I know you’re struggling to feed your appetites, and its only a matter of time before you end up inside these walls for doing something foolish. Why not let me help you feed those urges, and in exchange, I won't tell anyone what sort of debauchery you get up to in your spare time.”
The Warden was a weird one, but Gauge had to admit that he always kept his promises.
Gauge wondered what he put these poor saps through, but quickly put it out of his mind.
The Wardens games were none of his concern, and how he chose to discipline his inmates was his business.

Hi all, so I don’t get whiteheads or big inflamed zits anymore- mainly just sebaceous filaments on the nose, redness and dryness on cheeks and forehead, and some red bumps on my forehead. Also acne scars.
Im trying to start ip a skincare routine again because I was using curology but it got too expensive and honestly was probably drying my skin out because I never found a good moisturizer so thats what i want to find.
Currently I use 100% jojoba oil at night and cerave spf30 sunscreen am moisturizer i. The morning and then some jojoba oil cause its still dry. (I normally wash my face 1-2 times a day with lukewarm water).
I watched videos on yourube by dr dray doctorly hyram to find a good moisturizer but there are too many and wouls like more personal advice, Ive used aveeno gel oat cream but it left me dry and didnt do much. I was looking at the la roche posay AP+ body lotion that was recommended by dr dray but it has shar butter and i looked it up and it said it can clog pores (very cautios because i have had moisturizers clog my pores especially on my nose and get whiteheads) why do the thicker creams clog my face? any help? Sorry for bad disorganized post i am in a rush. Any recommendations for night time moistureizer what you use will help 👍 i dont want any gel anymore- just too light.
Ps- also have flaking on face after waking up and dry lips

Ear nose and throat doctor carlsbad

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