30 'just-cptsd-things' that I personally experience, and I thought I'd post it as a tongue in cheek 'test'. Comment how many you get!
Not to be used for diagnostic purposes.
I constantly want to be alone, but feel lonely very quickly and easily.
I have nightmares more often than not.
I am quick to anger.
When I see a healthy child/parent or mentomentee relationship, I feel a pang of jealousy.
I find it hard to fall asleep.
I have one or more unhealthy addictive habits (shopping, drinking, eating, smoking, skin picking, escapism etc).
I find it hard to come up with a list of positive traits about myself.
After enjoying a social event, I feel intense rejection once everyone has left.
I hide my hobbies/interests from others, even those people I should trust.
Sometimes I feel like life is happening to me, rather than having agency over my life.
I find it hard to connect with people and feel frustrated by finding only shallow connections instead of deeper ones.
I feel like I am superior to most people simply because I have experienced hardships they haven’t.
Sometimes my emotions are so strong I want to scream and shout in blind fury.
I can identify solely people by their footsteps and the way they move.
I overshare about my past because I want sympathy and understanding, but all I get is awkward looks. I have chronic tension.
I fidget constantly, sometimes without being aware of it.
Even if I try not to, I put people on a pedestal when I first meet them - and they always disappoint me.
I am bored and listless most days - it feels like I am missing something which would allow me to be content in life.
I always listen to an aural media while doing chores/exercise/travel - I don’t like to be alone with my thoughts.
I have digestive problems often.
I rarely sit down and do nothing - and/or - sometimes I am paralysed, staring at the ceiling.
When someone is disappointed in/annoyed by me, I want to fix it immediately.
I’m tired nearly all the time, no matter how much rest/nutrients I get.
When people make valid criticism of my actions, I get angry with them for making me feel useless.
Other people demanding my attention sometimes enrages me.
I feel like there’s no one I truly trust because inevitably they will hurt me emotionally or physically.
I feel like people are inherently selfish and would hurt others if it benefited them. Only the natural world is worth anything to me.
I could probably run away and set up in another country without too much sadness for what I’d leave behind.
I feel guilty for all the times I’ve been triggered and acted aggressively towards those I care about, but I am almost never able to stop myself from doing it again.

So I got an extra ticket to the Mind Museum. It's an all day pass so we can stay for as long as we want hahaha. However, I have to leave by 5pm so it's best if we go there in the morning so we can have lunch and check out some events happening at BGC, if there's any.
I'm looking for a friend so hopefully this isn't a one-time thing!
About me: I'm from QC, I work in marketing, I'm chubby, I like exploring new things, and I'm good at conversations din!
Hopefully you are: Friendly, decent, and fun to be with. I hope you're not the type to complain a lot as well. And lastly, I hope you're near my age around 25-32 sana haha.
This is for Saturday pa but I want us to get to know each other a bit before we go out.
Soooo send me a dm if you're interested!

So for Context my ex best friend who I'll call Layla (for this story,fake name) and I used to be super close and would do anything together, we hung out everyday and I would walk her home despite living in the opposite direction. We were both socially awkward and shy but I decided to step out my comfort zone first to make new friends, despite having new friends, I never forget to include Layla, I would introduce Layla to all my friends so she'd have more fun and have more friends. Fast forward when I ended up dating a guy who is my now ex, we'll call him Ted in this story (fake name), me being me I introduced Layla to Ted and their friendship bloomed.... So after I broke up with Ted due to issues regarding my parents, Layla decided to still stick with Ted and be his friend (honestly a red flag for breaking a girl code) I was very uncomfortable, and she knew that, however I chose to ignore it as I have no right to stop my my friend Layla from having friends. A few weeks after that, Layla seemed to be getting closer to Ted and they always text each other. Layla texts Ted way more than me now and Layla barely texts me and constantly leave me on seen whenever I text her. I chose to ignore it till now, today was the breaking point. So I decided to speak my heart wanting to resolve this issue today, about her blatantly ignoring me while talking to my other friends, all of a sudden refusal to talk to me and trying to get closer to my other close friend who I'll call Ava. I talked to her about how I felt and asking why she's ignoring me, pushing me away while trying to getting closer to my other close friend, throughout when I talked, she continued to ignore me and refuse to look my way, I obviously hate that as I wanna settle it quickly and as mature as possible. So I snapped a little, I did not shout, I held myself together. Layla defended saying she barely texted anyone and barely socialise nowadays (bullshit), it's a lie. She posted a screenshot of her text conversation with MY EX on her insta story. So I used that as evidence, and her audacity, she said that I had no right of controlling who she's friends with. I know that's true, but I have never once stopped her from being friends with my ex, tho I express my uncomfortable self to her, she simply ignore how I felt and break the girls code. It was when she mentioned that I had no right to stop her and the mentioning of my ex that made me snap. I went silent and decided that she does not want to settle this properly whatever. So after that, we had break in school so I told our mutual close friends about this. All of us were uncomfortable with the fact she's still with my ex as friends. And Ava remember her? She's the one Layla is trying to get close to all of a sudden. Layla knew and met Ava through me. Ava personally hated Layla as Layla can get very physical at times. There was once I was talking to a friend about homework when Layla came in and kick my knee from the back, I nearly fell. Who the hell kicks people when they're talking with someone? So my reaction was to shout "Are you an idiot?" Layla just stared at me then walked away in the direction of out next class, did not even apologize for it. So now I find it hilarious watching Layla trying to get close to Ava who hates Layla's guts. Ava is too weak willed and refused to deny Layla whenever she approaches her and it pisses me off. So now I'm trying to convince our mutuals to avoid and ignore Layla the way she chose to ignore me. Mind you Layla likes to throw tantrum and blame it on me, acting like such an impudent brat. Also I did not force my friends to ignore, I let them pick, telling them that I'll be avoiding Layla now. They all have some reasons of can't fully avoid Layla, but they are trying to (on their own decision)
So now I'm clueless on whether this is a good choice or should I suck it up like I used to, for hopes of everything to go back to normal?

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I am currently reading up on EC 261/2004, after learning that my partner and I can be compensated for our hell of a travel day in December.
I am wondering how much the airline owes both of us, as there are some things that confuse me. I will just explain the whole situation here.
We both had a booking consisting two flights at the end of December. We were supposed to fly from Frankfurt to Chicago, have a 4 hour layover in Chicago, and then fly to Indianapolis. Both with United Airlines. Our flight taking off from Frankfurt was delayed MANY times. We were told that there was a technical issue with the aircraft that needed to be repaired. Our scheduled departure was 8:40am, however we ended up departing at 12:18pm due to this delay. We arrived in Chicago at 2:18pm, rather than the scheduled arrival time of 11:15pm.
I assume that nearly everyone on that flight missed their connection, if they had one. When we got off the plane and finally made our way to customer service, we were told that the airline already rebooked us on a later flight to Indianapolis, since it would be impossible for us to make the original flight. The scheduled departure for our ORIGINAL flight to Indianapolis was 3:37pm, and we would have arrived at a planned 5:47pm (Flight tracker says they arrived at 5:27pm, so even earlier I guess :/). With this new flight to Indianapolis, scheduled departure was 7:35pm and arrival was 9:49pm. That flight also ended up being delayed. Our actual departure time was 8:48pm, and we arrived in Indianapolis at 10:27, many hours later than we originally would have if our flight from Frankfurt was not so delayed.
If I understand correctly, we are both owed €600 for this delay. But I also saw somewhere that if you were delayed by a certain amount of hours to your final destination, you can be reimbursed for the ticket price. Do we qualify for this, or just the €600? And how do I file this? I see no link for United Airlines to file a claim. Thanks.

Hello! I’ve been in the market for a nice holster for awhile now. Haven’t liked the ones I’ve bought.
I’m on the slimmer side & I own a P365X.
Looking for an IWB holster that doesn’t feel cheap and that isn’t too bulky. An issue I’ve had with my other holsters is that my gun slides out a lot which makes me nervous to carry.
I’ll also be wearing shorts a lot more as summer is near, any separate recommendations on holsters/gear that doesn’t print when I do so?
Thank you in-advance!

Requirements:
•Good in the winter, I start work at 3am. Usually before the gritters have had chance to work their magic.
•I have 1 large dog & 1 extra large dog breed I need to be able to fit in.
• Comfort. It will be a daily driver aswell as getting to work & back. Minimum 30 miles a day.
I'm not sure what to look for, I've not bought new for a while running a fully paid off van. I've come back to the world of finance at probably the worst time as everything is leaving me gobsmacked. I dont really want to pay more than £450 a month. I'm lost at what to look at, Kia Sportage for £49,995 nearly sent me over the edge.
Please help lol

Please note that this post will contain spoilers for John Wick: Chapter 4, so if you haven’t seen it yet and want to be surprised, stop reading right now. Got it? Good.
In various interviews, director Chad Stahelski has mentioned being inspired by the myths of Odysseus and Orpheus and Eurydice along with — obviously — Dante’s Inferno). And it’s notable that each of those stories includes the ancient Greek concept of κατάβασις (katabasis), a journey to the Underworld. Throughout the film series, John Wick is primarily motivated by the death of his wife Helen, just as the three aforementioned literary characters are motivated by their own cases of lost love: Odysseus wants to return home to his wife in Ithaca, Dante is guided by his deceased paramour Beatrice in the second half of The Divine Comedy, and Orpheus descends into Hades in order to rescue his beloved Eurydice.
In the first film), we are introduced to Charon (Lance Reddick), the concierge at the New York Continental Hotel, who shares a name with the boatman in Greek mythology who ferries souls of the dead across the River Styx into Hades. And his payment? A pair of coins, much like the gold coins all of the assassins in the films use to gain access to the hotel and other secret places. We also meet Winston (Ian McShane), the manager of the Continental, an neutral overseer much like the God of the Underworld himself, enforcing the rules and keeping the denizens of his realm in line. Later on in the series, other characters like the Bowery King (Laurence Fishburne) and the Harbinger (Clancy Brown) — although they may not have direct analogues — serve similar roles to the gods and goddesses of Greek mythology, most of whom are merely observers of our hero’s journey, providing judgement while sometimes helping or hindering him along the way.
John Wick also shares some similarities with the demigod Hercules, especially in the second film. Following the death of his own wife, Hercules was forced to complete 12 impossible tasks in order to gain redemption. In the same way, John is given an impossible task by Santino D’Antonio (Riccardo Scamarcio) — to kill a member of the High Table — and is quickly betrayed. We see this imagery again in the climax of John Wick: Chapter 2, which occurs in a classical art gallery, where one of the primary pieces on display is Ercole e Lica by Antonio Canova, a sculpture based on the story of Hercules’ betrayal and death. Obviously betrayal is a major theme in the second film, as John is deceived and forsaken by his former friend Santino, who had previously helped him complete another “impossible task.” It’s also worth noting that one of the primary antagonists of the second film is the mute bodyguard Ares (Ruby Rose), named for the Greek god of war.
Throughout the John Wick franchise, the world becomes more surreal and outlandish, fewer and fewer “regular people” seem to exist, and the passage of time remains ambiguous. In my opinion, that’s because the characters (and thus the audience) have descended into another world altogether.
In John Wick: Chapter 3, when John encounters an assassin named Ernest (Boban Marjanović) in a library, Ernest reads the following quote from Dante’s Inferno: “Consider your origin. You were not formed to live like brutes but to follow virtue and knowledge.” And later in the film, when John asks the Director (Anjelica Huston) for passage to Casablanca, she responds that “the path to paradise goes through Hell.”
As if we needed any further confirmation, John Wick: Chapter 4 opens with the Bowery King reading yet another famous passage from Dante’s Inferno, quoting the sign outside the gateway to Hell: “Through me the way into the suffering city / Through me the way to the eternal pain / Through me the way that runs among the lost / Justice urged on my high artificer / My maker was divine authority / The highest wisdom, and the primal love / Before me nothing but eternal things were made / And I endure eternally / Abandon every hope, who enter here.“
The film is littered with references to both The Odyssey and The Divine Comedy. A blind assassin named Caine (Donnie Yen), who simultaneously serves as friend and foe to John, could be a reference to the blind prophet Tiresias, whom Odysseus and Dante each meet in the land of the dead. And as a brief callback to the trials of Hercules, in one scene Winston refers to the High Table as John’s personal Hydra, a mythical beast that lived near an entrance to the Underworld — cut off one head, and two more grow back in its place. We are also introduced to a clever bounty hunter who calls himself Mr. Nobody (Shamier Anderson), a pseudonym that Odysseus uses as he attempts to escape from the cave of a cyclops.
At the climax of the film, John is forced to climb a lengthy staircase toward his final showdown at the Sacré-Coeur Basilica in Paris, only to fall back down and make the climb all over again. A comparison could be made with the Purgatorio (the second book in The Divine Comedy), in which Dante is forced to climb the Mountain of Purgatory to reach Paradise. However, the scene also calls to mind the myth of Sisyphus, a king who cheated death multiple times (sound familiar?) and whom Hades punished by forcing him to roll a huge boulder up a hill only for it to roll back down when it neared the top. Coincidentally enough, that story is mentioned in both The Odyssey and Ovid’s version of Orpheus and Eurydice.
But my favorite (and the most obscure) reference is when John Meets Winston at Charon’s tomb, and the Latin inscription on the stone staircase reads: Flectere si nequeo superos, Acheronta movebo. I first noticed Acheron, which is technically the “River of Woe” that flows through Hades, although it’s sometimes used as a synecdoche for Hades itself. The full phrase is actually from the Aeneid by Virgil, a Roman poet who serves as Dante’s guide in the Inferno, and it’s translated: “If I cannot move Heaven, I will raise Hell.”
At the end of the Inferno, Dante finally emerges from Hell just before dawn on Easter Sunday; therefore, it seems appropriate that the finale of John Wick: Chapter 4, in which John finally gains his freedom, occurs at sunrise. It is a fitting end for this archetypal hero’s journey, in which the hero enters the Underworld and returns, thus proving his exceptional status as far more than mortal.

I am currently reading up on EC 261/2004, after learning that my partner and I can be compensated for our hell of a travel day in December.
I am wondering how much the airline owes both of us, as there are some things that confuse me. I will just explain the whole situation here.
We both had a booking consisting two flights at the end of December. We were supposed to fly from Frankfurt to Chicago, have a 4 hour layover in Chicago, and then fly to Indianapolis. Both with United Airlines. Our flight taking off from Frankfurt was delayed MANY times. We were told that there was a technical issue with the aircraft that needed to be repaired. Our scheduled departure was 8:40am, however we ended up departing at 12:18pm due to this delay. We arrived in Chicago at 2:18pm, rather than the scheduled arrival time of 11:15pm.
I assume that nearly everyone on that flight missed their connection, if they had one. When we got off the plane and finally made our way to customer service, we were told that the airline already rebooked us on a later flight to Indianapolis, since it would be impossible for us to make the original flight. The scheduled departure for our ORIGINAL flight to Indianapolis was 3:37pm, and we would have arrived at a planned 5:47pm (Flight tracker says they arrived at 5:27pm, so even earlier I guess :/). With this new flight to Indianapolis, scheduled departure was 7:35pm and arrival was 9:49pm. That flight also ended up being delayed. Our actual departure time was 8:48pm, and we arrived in Indianapolis at 10:27, many hours later than we originally would have if our flight from Frankfurt was not so delayed.
If I understand correctly, we are both owed €600 for this delay. But I also saw somewhere that if you were delayed by a certain amount of hours to your final destination, you can be reimbursed for the ticket price. Do we qualify for this, or just the €600? And how do I file this? I see no link for United Airlines to file a claim. Thanks.

I have a diploma, I've worked for my parents for years, consisting of customer service: receptionist, manager, cleaning, massaging, and babysitting. I have no background proof of employment. I Will anybody hire me? If not a hotel receptionist, could I land a job as a babysitter? I'm 20F. Please help me make my resume better, thank you.

Hello! When I was getting into the hobby, I accidentally destroyed my stampede and rustler, they were my first starter rc's, a hobby shop then opened in our area, which they helped me rebuild my stampede. After a couple months I got better at fixing my vehicles in the hobby. I recently went back to my stampede, and purchased some street tires and lowered the center of gravity. It sits about .3 inches off the ground. My goal is to make it faster. I would like to make it to 100mph. I live near a shopping center that has a large parking lot that normally is empty past 7pm, I also know someone who has a mini airport that runs for about one mile! So running it won't be a problem! I'm just looking for tips that would help. and any motoesc recommendations will be appreciated. I mainly run traxxas batteries. I will keep everyone posted with what I do with the vehicle! Thank you for overall speed tips!

So I have a friend in class how sits at the very back of the classroom. He saw my other classmate about 2 seats away on the left and a row ahead. He saw my guy classmate's widget ng tablet niya is our classmates na babae and when I saw the pic he took I was like "GOD IS THIS WHAT HE DOES IN HIS FREE TIME?" It's literal photo voyeurism and he broke like 3 F-ing laws about data privacy. and was caught bricked up. He soon found out that some of my classmates were making fun of him for it so his MOM complained to the school. Yung HR namin talked to the guys who made fun of him. and the guy who had the pictures of my classmates? He got away with it. Well, everyone in our class knows about him being bricked.
Another story I have is just downright annoying. In a different class we were required to make a thaumatrope. And you had to bring your own materials, the teacher will not provide. So this happened when I was almost done doing mine and guess who I see cutting yarn on my table? That's right the weird guy. I was standing near his table and saw that he got yarn from me prior to what I saw and went to him and asked "Why did you get without asking?" and he just said "I need it for a project" and tied the yarn he got now to his project. Before you say "Ang damot mo naman" I would've actually let him get if he ASKED.

Many of my most anticipated games will be releasing this year (TotK, Silksong), and I've been thinking about what small things (not ambitious and big goals) I am looking forward to in the near future. I come up with a short list:

1. Keeping an aquarium at home (financially not feasible rn but am working towards it)
2. Reading the endings of ongoing comics/novels that I'm following
3. Trying VR after the technology is more mature and accessible
4. Learn an instrument

Making this list makes me more hopeful and excited about the future. So I hope u can give it a try!
What are things that you are looking forward to in your life? Why are you excited about it? Pls share!

I am a British citizen but my folks are not and they current stay overseas. Recently, they have expressed the desire to come over to the UK and stay near me (SW England) for the short/medium term and have requested me to find a property suitable for them. I know Airbnb is a viable option in this case but it can get very expensive and I want to go down this route only if other avenues are exhausted.
I was wondering if Letting agents require you to live and work in the UK for rental applications to go through? Would they entertain folks from abroad? Would Letting agents be happy with taking the whole rent (for 3-6 months) upfront or is it not an option?

Hello legaladvice,
At the beginning of 2022, I went on medical leave from work and started collecting disability payments. At some point, my disability insurance provider told me to apply for SSA benefits "in case I never return to work". I applied and ended up being approved about a week after I returned to work. I was ignorant of the situation and told my disability insurance that I returned to work, but failed to notify SSA (for some dumb reason, I assumed they would). I received payments for a couple months and, when I noticed I was still getting them, made an appointment at my local SSA office. They asked for pay stubs, which I provided, and had me to sign a form stating that I consented to a halting of benefits. Fast-forward to this past Saturday and I received a letter. It states that they found I was being paid too much and they reduced my benefits by a very substantial...40 cents.
Here's the thing, I am back to work full time and make a salary of 92k in Michigan. I'm nearly 100% certain that I should not be receiving these benefits. Do I just keep making appointments until they figure it out? I only have so much PTO to use on this junk. Calling only seems to result in them saying to make an appointment at a local branch. Is there a better way to approach this? Do I just stash the money away until they inevitably come for it? I think it is taxable income, so if I pay taxes on it and then have to pay it back, am I just out on those taxes? Is there any merit to chucking it into an HYSA and pocketing interest while I wait for them to figure it out? Any input here is greatly appreciated.

Bro this shit to funny (Don’t drink tap) but we all wash our asses in this shit and brush our teeth, oh and wait we wash our dishes in the shit. Peep the simpsons been saying this shit for years and it keeps happening to different states. Why allow these big companies to keep building near the water supply???? Shit amazes me

I'm sitting here in a waiting room drinking a shit ton of water before my CT scan, not for the arthritis but for a recent and undiagnosed bowel issue.
Two years ago I finally decided to try methotrexate, I'd avoided it for a long time but I no longer had the option to stay off it, it kicked my ass.
I have never felt so out of it, I could deal with the nausea but the 5 day brain fog was a nightmare.. a year before I was prescribed the MTX my GP told me I had a folic acid deficiency.. I never received treatment for it..
While testing me for whatever my bowel issue is, my foliate was very low and my thyroid test was "borderline'. I'm now taking folic acid daily.
I've been very ill with my bowel for the past 2 months, I'm so ill my hair is falling out.. my hair was so long I could sit on it and now I have giant bald patches.. when I asked my GP and my rheumatologist about it they just shrugged and said men lose hair.
So, because of this issue.. which my GP assumes is bowel cancer based on my qfit test and my rheumatologist assumes is some form of inflammatory bowel disease I cannot receive any treatment.. and when I do finally find out what my problem is, I no longer have a choice in biologics because most of them shouldn't be used / are not licensed for inflammatory bowel disease.
In the past two months I haven't had a single day without stomach cramps, my joints are worse than ever before.. an MRI revealed my spine is also affected and my hair.. the only thing I liked about myself is falling out
I am so tired, I'm fed up not being listened to and treated like I'm a problem, or it's my fault I declined the MTX.. I never complain, I don't even think my friends are aware I have PsA.. but I'm at the end of my tolerance for health problems.. I'm not sure how much more I can put up with.. holding clumps of my hair and being afraid to eat anything.. watching as at 35 my body turns into that of someone who's 80 with no treatment in the near future, no support.. I just want to crawl into bed and never leave.
I'm sorry for being so negative, I just can't smile and fight the good fight any more.. I don't have anything left to give.

I’m David and I have been a call handler for Cambridgeshire police for 5 years, mostly working on emergency 999 calls. In that time I must have taken hundreds of silent 9’s calls.
A ‘silent call’ isn’t always silent, it’s just how we refer to a call where the caller isn’t responsive and no request for the police has been made. They are mostly people accidentally pocket dialing, but you always have to go through the routine of trying to get a response, checking the phone number against previous calls to see if there is any history to suggest someone may be in danger, listening for any background noise to suggest any distress or disturbance. If there is a reason for concern we will dispatch someone to check. Usually there isn’t any concern and the incident log is closed off without any further action.
This call wasn’t that unusual. An operator transfers the call though and states the basic facts; No request made for police. Possible breathing was heard down the line, but that wasn’t very clear due to the background noise which was, quite irritatingly, the theme tune to Peppa pig. So many silent calls are from children playing with phones while sitting in front of the TV, so again, this wasn’t too unusual. The line was still open so I tried to engage with the caller.
“You’re through to the police, is anyone there…?”
No response.
“If you can hear me, can you press a button on the keypad, or make a noise?”
Still no response.
I did some system checks. There was a history of calls from this number from seven years ago, but these were all marked 'RESTRICTED' so I couldn’t see any details. After a while, satisfied there was no apparent emergency, I stopped trying and announced that I would be ending the call. Just as I pressed the button on my phone to hang up I heard a voice.
“Hello-” it said just as I cut it off.
I instantly called back, the line answered, but again there was no response. Peppa pig still played in the background, but not a full episode, just the theme tune on repeat. Once again it got to the point of ending the call and just as I pressed the button to hang up… “Hel-”
For fucks sake…
Before calling back again I slid off my headset and walked over to the supervisor, advising him I had a silent call with restricted history, to see if he could check the details for any reason for ongoing concern. I sat back at my desk ready to call back and the supervisor came over to me, quicker than I expected.
“Don’t worry about that history.” he said nonchalantly, “They're old incidents and… it won’t be the same caller. Might not even be the right number, could just be a glitch on the line. If there’s nothing new on the call, get rid of it.”
I know it sounds harsh but it wasn’t unusual for us to be that blunt about a 999 call, we deal with so many. If there is no sign of distress or disturbance we can’t waste any more time on it. A real emergency call could be waiting. It wasn’t unusual for call logs to be restricted either, usually because they contained information on other staff members or their families. Sometimes because the incident related to some ongoing operation only high ranking officers should see.
I decided to give the line one last call back. It rang and picked up as before. The Peppa pig theme played on a loop.
“Hello!?” she sounded weak and confused, “Can you hear me? I’ve been trying for so long to get through! Why won’t anyone help me?”
“Why have you called us? What is the problem?” I asked..
She went silent for a while, then, “Nobody will help me. I keep calling. Can you help me?"
"What is your name?" I asked.
"Nicole." She paused. "I think… please help me. David, help me." Then the line went dead.
I hadn’t told her my name. Maybe someone else called David was there. I called her back.
“Stop calling me, just come and help me, please! My daughter is here! We need help!”
“Where are you?” I ask, trying to get the key information to send someone out.
“37 Butterfield road.” She sounded panicked, breathing heavily, “Please help.”
While she was talking I was already updating my incident, entering the address and sending it for dispatch, “I’m going to get someone right out to you. What’s happening?”
The line cleared.
I transferred the incident to the dispatchers on an Immediate grade, the highest priority grade for attendance. I didn’t understand what was going on, but someone was in distress, with presumably a young child present. We needed to attend.
While I was updating the notes on the incident log the system kicked me out. The incident became restricted and the details on the incident list replaced with ‘RESTRICTED’. It wasn’t unusual for this to happen so only the dispatcher and the control room inspector - known as Oscar 1 - could see the incident, while still sending someone out to the address. I couldn’t understand why this was restricted, but that is above my pay grade.
Nicole kept calling throughout my shift. She was getting increasingly agitated and afraid. I assured her someone was coming out. But after an hour I started to doubt this was the case. I spoke to my supervisor, they said they would ask Oscar 1. Oscar 1 said this was even above them, they have been told not to attend, it was being dealt with by another department as part of an existing operation.
My shift came to an end at 2am. Before then Nicole had called a few more times, I kept telling her someone was dealing with it but I don’t think she believed me. She started to get angrier with me. She kept shouting her address at me, 37 Butterfield road, desperate for someone to come and help her. She was screaming my name at me. The name I had never told her. I noticed on my mapping system that I knew the road, it was near my route home. I was glad to take off my headset when 2am came.
I got in my car and drove home. Guided by compulsion I drove down Butterfield road. I wondered if someone may be there to help by now. I looked out for number 37, but I couldn’t find it. It was a normal residential road but in the middle there was a gap between houses 35 and 39 which was filled with small trees, well maintained bushes and a flower bed. I drove up and down the road a couple of times to check I had the right place, then stopped at a 24 hour off-licence further down the road.
I went into the shop to buy a can of coke for an excuse to ask the lady at the till where number 37 was. She seemed unimpressed, rolling her eyes at me. “Nicole’s house?” she asked, “You’re a few years too late to see it. They knocked it down to stop all you ‘True crime’ nuts coming to gawp at it.” Once I had paid she shoved my drink back across the counter at me. “It’s been almost a decade now. You’d think people would let that poor family rest.”
I left, clearly the lady wasn’t going to entertain any more questions from me. I got in the car and immediately went on my phone to search the internet for references to what happened at Nicole’s house. I found an old local news story headline from seven years ago referencing the murder of her and her children, and another more recent article suggesting the murder remained unsolved. But my search was interrupted by a phone call from an unknown number. I had to answer.
“David!” Nicole shouted, “David, where are they? You promised me help was coming!”
I didn’t know what to say, largely because I didn’t know what was happening. What was I really talking to? “I… I can’t help you!”
The line cleared.
Then straight away, another call, Nicole screaming. A child cried out in fear in the background.
The line cleared again.
The phone rang. I didn’t answer. It rang again. And again. And again. I couldn’t answer again. Would these calls continue? I couldn’t take it. I got out of the car and walked to the memorial garden where 37 Butterfield road once stood. The flowerbed occasionally glittered with gold in the streetlight. I went over and knelt down for a closer look and the ground littered with other sim cards, even whole phones had been discarded there. Some were old and partially submerged in the dirt, but others were fresh. Some were clean enough they could have been scattered here within days. I looked at my phone and considered adding my sim card to the garden.
“You too?” a man said from behind me with a drunken slur. The surprise made my heart stop. I turned to see a haggard man looking at the memorial garden. He stunk of vodka and smiled at me sadly. “It won’t stop her. It never does.”
He was right. Nicole still calls me, on any phone, at any time. No amount of call blocking efforts can stop her. Sometimes I accidentally answer. She still screams for help, facing a danger that has long since passed.
I was pulled aside at the start of my first shift back at work to talk about the calls with an officer who had come up from London. I assume she was from the Home office - she was very official and very guarded. I told her I had got calls on my personal phone and she didn’t seem surprised. She told me it was officially a hoax caller, but we both knew that wasn’t true. I was instructed to keep a log of the calls and email them to her weekly. I have been off work for two weeks now. The woman who visited told me to take as much time off as I needed, on full pay. Her department would authorise it as long as I kept them updated. After all, I wouldn’t be much use going to work just to talk to a woman who doesn’t know she is dead.

I’ve had social anxiety as long as I can remember. It was pretty bad growing up I would put it on a scale of 8 out 10 (10 being debilitating extreme anxiety) so it’s been rough lol I had a little breakthrough though. I met someone online and we actually talked on the phone for 2hrs. First time hearing each others voice and I was so scared! I was nauseous just thinking about dialing the number but I pushed myself and did it. I was still kinda shy but nowhere near as bad as it could’ve been. I was able to relax and my heart rate was normal during the rest of the conversation. He’s calling me today and for the first time in my life I’m not absolutely dreading it.